He should retroactively insert unicorn shots into the original Alien.
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 10 July 2017 22:46 (six years ago) link
He could insert the unicorn from the back end. Or from his back end.
ridley nooooo
― mh, Monday, 10 July 2017 23:42 (six years ago) link
see, it's like facehuggery, they rhyme
― ﴿→ ☺ (Doctor Casino), Monday, 10 July 2017 23:46 (six years ago) link
I can see it now, he wants to end his final Alien movie showing Ripley and others getting into their sleep chamber on the Nostromo.
― Ned Raggett, Monday, 10 July 2017 23:47 (six years ago) link
also david was a stowaway and reprogrammed Mother and then downloaded himself into Ash and then while they were in hypersleep (this would be a post credit scene) he zoomed ahead of them to plant the space jockey and the eggs and all that
― ﴿→ ☺ (Doctor Casino), Monday, 10 July 2017 23:51 (six years ago) link
Spoilers!
― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 11 July 2017 00:28 (six years ago) link
I can't tell if Covenant is better than Prometheus, worse than Prometheus, or better because it is worse. There are certainly elements of it that are smarter, and yeah, there are certainly characters in it that are dumber, which is ... almost impossible. Either way, I've been watching this and decided I needed to go to bed so checked out how much time was left and holy shit, 28 minutes? It's not boring, and it looks pretty good, but I can't conceive of nearly 30 more minutes this movie needs.
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 12 August 2017 04:52 (six years ago) link
The story is just being extruded like alien slime into a potentially infinite number of receptacles (films, eggs, whatever)
If Ridley Scott has his way, it'll go on forever, never getting to the promised land of the point of transition to Alien
Zeno's alien
― Harthill Services (Neil Willett), Saturday, 12 August 2017 08:38 (six years ago) link
no zenophobia itt pls
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Saturday, 12 August 2017 10:46 (six years ago) link
Omg it really is the Zeno's of origin monster stories though
― As an ilxor, I am uncompromising (El Tomboto), Saturday, 12 August 2017 12:21 (six years ago) link
Monster origin stories I mean.
― As an ilxor, I am uncompromising (El Tomboto), Saturday, 12 August 2017 12:22 (six years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KpZRJ4HE4Q
― mark s, Saturday, 12 August 2017 12:55 (six years ago) link
lol the YT ad that comes up with that for me says "egg customer refunds"
― mark s, Saturday, 12 August 2017 12:57 (six years ago) link
OK, man, the last 25 minutes of this are just so deflated and flat, with no suspense and all. There's a good movie in here somewhere, and maybe there was a good movie in Prometheus somewhere. That these two movies are all so expertly made on almost every level except the story and characters says it all. No wonder Ridley likes making movies about robots so much.
That said, I think the stupidity of the Prometheus crew bugged me more than the anonymity of this bunch.
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 12 August 2017 21:22 (six years ago) link
this crew was wayyy dumber imo. at least the prometheus crew's whole mission was to go to a creepy basement planet, here they talk themselves into it on the flimsiest logic possible and can't even wait a day for the weather to clear.
― yellow is the color of some raisins (Doctor Casino), Saturday, 12 August 2017 21:54 (six years ago) link
That is stupid as is Crudup following David. But the last one had a guy petting an Alien snake monster, and a cartographer getting lost. And other stuff. The lesson of half of these movies seems to be quarantine saves lives. I did like the expediency of this one just skipping all that waiting and cutting/gutting right to the monster.
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 12 August 2017 22:00 (six years ago) link
Like in this one, they get a transmission from the middle of nowhere from a human. Who is the transmission from? Hmm, maybe it's coming from the only human ever lost in space before, A scientist known by name.Mostly I was put off by the complete lack of suspense in this one. Just no mystery at all.
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 12 August 2017 22:02 (six years ago) link
Anyway, long story short, this one was dumb but made me less angry.
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 12 August 2017 22:03 (six years ago) link
In 2 years I won't even remember which one was stupider.
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 12 August 2017 22:04 (six years ago) link
This one was stupid but it has better dumb horror movie thrills and gore so I like it much more than Promevfefe.
― Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Saturday, 12 August 2017 23:56 (six years ago) link
so i finally got around to seeing this and here is my hot take:
ridley shitt morelike amirite
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 12:00 (six years ago) link
i would like to point out that i have been otm in this thread
maybe they're planning to honour alien 3 by opening with the discovery of her corpse in a broken hypersleep chamber and that'll be the extent of her involvement― Rush Limbaugh and Lou Reed doing sex with your parents (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 21 December 2016 16:08 (three months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Rush Limbaugh and Lou Reed doing sex with your parents (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 21 December 2016 16:08 (three months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
i really want danny mcbride to be the surprise sole survivor of this movie― I am Socutus of Butt. Resistance is futile. (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 1 March 2017 14:40 (five months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― I am Socutus of Butt. Resistance is futile. (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 1 March 2017 14:40 (five months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
well close enough anyway
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 12:03 (six years ago) link
OK, man, the last 25 minutes of this are just so deflated and flat, with no suspense and all. There's a good movie in here somewhere, and maybe there was a good movie in Prometheus somewhere. That these two movies are all so expertly made on almost every level except the story and characters says it all. No wonder Ridley likes making movies about robots so much.That said, I think the stupidity of the Prometheus crew bugged me more than the anonymity of this bunch
That said, I think the stupidity of the Prometheus crew bugged me more than the anonymity of this bunch
the crew was so aggressively dumb in this i was actively rooting for them all to be eviscerated
billy crudup's character was like a richard dawkins straw man of what religious people are like - butthurt and permawhiny that people 'hold his faith against him' but so easily-led that he's wiling to follow a visibly-evil robot's directions to fondle and then stick his head inside a throbbing, roiling alien egg
then when he wakes up after being facehugged his reaction isn't 'HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED' it's 'what do you believe in, david?' fuck you, dude, i'm glad you got splatted
you're right about the the production design - it's so beautiful i spent most of my time despairing that it was all in support of something so tedious. there's a title card after the credits that says the movie created 15,000 jobs and required hundreds of thousands of man hours and i was like 'BUT TO WHAT END'
fassbender was the best thing about this, clearly - i was particularly taken with his latterday iggy pop haircut when he first showed up. i have to wonder if anyone who watched this didn't immediately see the walter/david switcheroo coming as soon as he cut his hair, though
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 12:15 (six years ago) link
remember the bit when all the dumb idiot Engineers were gazing up at David's ship in rapture before they got annihilated
I fucking hate the Engineers
― Number None, Sunday, 13 August 2017 12:35 (six years ago) link
other best thing about this is the hilarious handwaving about how david went from being a severed head in a bag to a having a body capable of elaborate feats of fingering again - shaw built him a new one!
so shaw, an archaeologist by trade, rebuilt an impossibly advanced robot, presumably with her bare hands, using whatever she could salvage from an alien spaceship which seems to contain nothing but empty corridors and the occasional hologram? ok cool, thx ridley u fuck
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 12:36 (six years ago) link
the engineers are stunningly shit, yes
i think someone mentioned it upthread but lol again at the writers trying to unpaint themselves from the corner created at the end of prometheus, forcing them to go to an engineer planet, by just killing all the engineers as soon as david arrives. problem solved!
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 12:45 (six years ago) link
WHO PLANTED THE MOTHERFUCKING WHEAT
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 13:06 (six years ago) link
as much as anything else the engineers look like trash, they are clearly made from the same bad plastic as the jar jar binks sticky tongue toy
― mark s, Sunday, 13 August 2017 13:06 (six years ago) link
they literally picked the most boring design possible
then look at this cool dude
https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/aliens/images/0/0a/Space_Jockey.jpg
― Number None, Sunday, 13 August 2017 13:09 (six years ago) link
fuck you for making me relive that horror again tbh xp
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 13:10 (six years ago) link
the quarter-assed religious stuff in this was infuriating too - billy crudup's pointless faith, david's crucified alien experiments, katherine waterston's nail necklace, all adding up to precisely fuck-all
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 13:17 (six years ago) link
Can't remember, when David nukes the engineer planet does Scott cut to a tiny child engineer hugging its mother?
― Old Lynch's Sex Paragraph (Phil D.), Sunday, 13 August 2017 14:56 (six years ago) link
Amazingly, though, I can think of so many ways this one could have been worse. Imagine if they encountered David leading an army of aliens! I smell sequel ...
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 15:28 (six years ago) link
The religion stuff was indeed total BS, but everything about this was BS. It was totally mechanical and the entire plot could have been dispatched with in 15 minutes for all they care about telling a story here.
By the way, weirdest thing in this: when hooded David rescues them, he's all "come with me (if you want to live)." His face is obscured and, if you are dumb, you're supposed to say, who is this dude? He's all running around in his hoodie, makes it back to his haunted castle. Then he addresses the crew and ... there's no big lower the hood reveal! He keeps his hood up, obscuring his face, and is all "I am David, what's up, bro?" And keeps the hood up! So even after they "reveal" him, for no good reason they keep him hidden. Then at some point he must think, well, no reason to keep the hood up, and takes it down.
And Walter, wtf? You're a smart robot, you know the drill, what were you waiting for David to do? Crudup, you're clearly a dummy, I don't expect more from you. But Walter? You're supposed to know better!
Later on, back on the ship, there's a whole scene where Mullet McBride is all "I have to take Mother offline for 8 clicks" or whatever, and I thought, aha, convenient contrivance to get Mother out of the picture! And then the next scene she's up and running again, anyway.
Speaking of which, Mother is just AI, like Walter/David with no legs. So why couldn't she handle important shit, like taking evasive action when some solar storm is brewing or whatever? Why is she only Siri-level AI? In Alien, Mother is perfectly capable of handling shit on her own, here it's just like "Mother, what is today's weather like?" "Mother, has James Franco won an Oscar?" "Mother, convert 2 cups to ounces."
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 15:36 (six years ago) link
http://chainsawsuit.com/2012/08/02/chainsawsuit-ruins-it-for-you-prometheus-2/
* The crab aliens are incredibly lethal when first encountered, yet at the first sign of hunger, Williams says he’ll just “grab and eat one of those crab aliens.”
― yellow is the color of some raisins (Doctor Casino), Sunday, 13 August 2017 15:42 (six years ago) link
and mother in alien communicates through text on a green screen rather than via generic robovoicechat
maybe the mother on nostromo is just shy i dunno
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 16:54 (six years ago) link
I could have sworn they talked to Mother in Alien ...
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 18:40 (six years ago) link
I guess there is a lot of janky modem noise. You know the logical endpoint of this is Scott remaking Alien, right? To modernize all the effects and tech and stuff?
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 18:42 (six years ago) link
yeah, dallas and ripley talk to mother iirc but the replies are all in text on a screen
plus they have to go to a specific room to speak to mother, they're not just cutting about the ship yelling at her whenever they like, like they do here
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 18:48 (six years ago) link
So basically the chronology is, man invents Siri/OK Google/Echo, man brings that to its logical omniscient conclusion, then man says, fuck that, we prefer a silent green screen in one room.
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 18:50 (six years ago) link
i guess the nostromo is just a piece of shit mining vessel, maybe the company didn't think it was worth getting the siri module installed
there was one sequence i enjoyed in this - kinda - which was the final battle with the alien in the terraforming hangar - the evacuation of the air from the airlock looked great
actually now i think about it, how the fuck did david get an alien back onboard? are we supposed to believe he swallowed a lil' baby chestburster and regurgitated it when they were safely in orbit?
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 18:54 (six years ago) link
At some point the guy with the burned cheek got an alien in his ear? Don't remember seeing that, but so much shit just happens off screen here that's the least of its problems. They might as well have an alien burst out of lead woman's tummy in the pod and then had David immediately freeze it with her. Like, so little makes sense.
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 18:58 (six years ago) link
I want to see a sequel where David is raising 2000 screaming babies by himself.
Or, fuck it, where the crew of 12 or whatever was raising 2000 babies. "Alien: Sitcom."
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 18:59 (six years ago) link
i don't recall the burned guy getting anything in his ear but even if he did it'd be one of those creepy white aliens that burst out of him, not the the familiar giger alien that show up on the ship - those only come from the eggs/facehuggers
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 19:01 (six years ago) link
while i remember, can someone pls make a gif of the scene where the chestburster stands up out of billy crudup, extending his li'l arms, and add the caption COME AT ME BRO
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 19:04 (six years ago) link
what if a chestbuster comes out of a really religious dude and it is alien jesus
― mh, Sunday, 13 August 2017 19:09 (six years ago) link
The final alien on the ship definitely comes from someone who is in the sick bay. How you got a face hugger in him is anyone's guess, but as nothing matters in this movie, that detail certainly doesn't matter either.
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 13 August 2017 19:18 (six years ago) link
according to the wiki synopsis it comes from burned-face-guy - i guess the facehugger that grabs him manages to shoot its wad before it gets sawed off him?
― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 13 August 2017 19:20 (six years ago) link