God bless the goddamn Onion

this kind of dark pathos is my favorite onion layer:
http://www.theonion.com/graphic/kid-with-rough-home-life-gives-mickey-extra-long-h-34788

I still laugh the hardest at mundane shit like this (which they seem to be doing less of these days, what with Trump and all):

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/dogs-eye-gunk-wiped-back-dog-55523

that's amazing

Have been giggling over this for a good five minutes now:

http://theonion.tumblr.com/post/161320306119/maybe-shell-be-attractive-later-say-citizens

What is wrong with the left that they think these sorts of things are funny? https://t.co/sAxON5xxmh

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) June 1, 2017

U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths https://t.co/sGdpBBF7WI pic.twitter.com/YzdPH8Ioin

— The Onion (@TheOnion) July 4, 2017

i have to say, it's pretty amazing that a humor institution like this has kept up a fair level of quality for so long. SNL has kind of always been crap but it's especially bad now, Simpsons are obviously awful now, etc. it's not quite as acerbic as it used to be but still

i think their peak was when they really devoted themselves to the videos a few years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs

Sometimes I think of an old Onion headline and google it to remind myself and they're pushing 20 years old at this point.

i dunno maybe i'm getting out of touch, i remember national lampoon seeming pretty dated when i had some of their stuff as a kid

one of my favorite ever headlines, and possibly my first encounter with the onion, is "local lutheran minister loves to fuck his wife" and that'll be 20yrs old in november and it's still funny to me

they're over 20 for sure! I just looked up the earliest I remember my brother bringing home from college - "Christ Returns to NBA" and it's 1996. hard to believe that photoshop lolz are older than college students now.

you've all seen this right

http://www.theonion.com/trumpdocuments

bannon and carson pages have just about ended me. daily briefings too

Ugh, AVClub assimilation into Kinja is a mess.

otm rip an era

Feel like I could probably autogenerate an AV Club comment section for an article by now, tbh.

Day three and it's still a travesty.

http://i.imgur.com/M5qDkQRl.png

lol i was reading an article on a new movie and realized the main text was taking up less than 1/4th the available screen space

that's some good-ass kinja

http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/shooting-isnt-about-gun-control-we-refuse-pass-its-57095

http://www.theonion.com/article/white-house-not-geologic-era-debate-gun-control-57108

WHY MIGRATE THE ARCHIVES TO KINJA WHY WHY WHY

I was reading a thing about how PG Wodehouse is funnier in some fonts than others, and that would seem to hold for CMSs too

this struck a real nerve, look at these numbers:

Popular New Amazon Service Just Comes To Your House And Kills You https://t.co/PkJ10jGkMM pic.twitter.com/QRZNd4I4f4

— The Onion (@TheOnion) October 27, 2017

Senator Anita Hawkins is good but Reductress is the best of the satire sites:

http://reductress.com/post/here-are-some-pictures-of-big-dogs-meeting-little-dogs-since-you-cant-afford-therapy/
http://reductress.com/post/how-to-microdose-so-youre-always-a-little-bit-fucking-weird-to-people/
http://reductress.com/post/white-women-thank-themselves-for-thanking-black-women-today/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqR9IOrVFPU

The Onion Reviews "Film Standard with Peter K. Rosenthal" youtube series is killing me rn. he has the gravitas to pull it all off without seeming too goofy. it is a nice balance of pretentious and silly. imo this stuff is up there w Sean O'Neal news posts.

his Batman V Superman review has him directly comparing Batman and Superman fighting to his parents' divorce and him wishing they would stay together and going through this silly/serious self analysis that closely mimics the childish Freudian subtext of the film. in another one he reviews Rogue One and most of that review is him talking about a horrible Star Wars puzzle that he is completely baffled by.

omg his Captain America: Civil War review is him wanting all the secondary characters and extras in the film to have origin story films and tv series and zooming in on random people in the background and asking about them lol

lol wow yeah that one is amazing consumerist satire. he spends the entire review saying "How can we make sense of any of this? There are only 12 origin story films! The viewer needs more context. Who is this SWAT soldier that Captain America drop-kicks off the roof of a car? Where is his origin story?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm5OimXqoXw

love the Die Hard review, where he mourns the office Christmas party that was meticulously planned and never happened

http://thehardtimes.net/news/breaking-lana-del-rey-ordered-pay-want-radiohead-lawsuit/

https://politics.theonion.com/fbi-warns-republican-memo-could-undermine-faith-in-mass-1822639681

The Peter K. Rosenthal review of Fifty Shades Freed has some things to say about the relationship between reviewer and audience

https://youtu.be/N8OMMMsONf4

that's one of the better late Lynch riffs I've seen

Lucky Bastard Gets To Be In Coma

Ugh reminds me uncomfortably of the uncomfortably fond lack of memory I have about being under general anesthesia.

general anastasia

It's Official: Onion Inc.’s Groveling, Ungrateful Staffers Unionize pic.twitter.com/XVYFYbcU19

— Onion Inc Union (@OnionIncUnion) April 20, 2018

God bless the goddamn Union

there is strength in an onion

It doesn't get any better than the title (so the URL's enough), but it's a great title.

http://www.theonion.com/supreme-court-agrees-to-hear-new-jack-white-album-1825391171

They've been doing some absolutely brutal stuff lately

https://www.theonion.com/idf-soldier-recounts-harrowing-heroic-war-story-of-kil-1826048745

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-fascinated-by-israeli-cultural-tradition-of-mass-1826014445

Sources confirmed Netanyahu concluded the solemn ceremony with a 21-gun salute fired directly into a group of Palestinian protesters.

https://www.theonion.com/netanyahu-announces-day-of-mourning-for-fence-damaged-i-1826046925

https://www.theonion.com/coffee-cultivation-merely-extends-the-system-of-coloni-1826427318

https://www.theonion.com/try-this-filling-superfood-smoothie-to-power-you-throug-1826259036

https://www.theonion.com/immigrant-child-still-hoping-to-achieve-american-dream-1826839711?rev=1529004587757&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_content=Main

"Everyone in pride parade straight"
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--N7licUa4--/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/ksbxzmd1di9mftehkcuy.jpg

still exhausting: the cycle of a media site getting acquired/starts a hiring spree, inevitably meaning a two-year countdown until people lose their jobs

https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-onion-clickhole-av-club-brace-for-layoffs

Peter Strzok Summoned Before Congress Again For Texts Calling Trey Gowdy ‘A Pissy Little Shithead’

There are dozens more messages just like this, calling our distinguished colleague a ‘pointless fuckwad’ and a ‘moronic scumbag’ that I would like submitted for the record.”