Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

"i knew what I wanted to study in college. that's why i know about all the world's religions." <-- designs flyers

&^%^%$%^$ Fuck! Why is it SO HARD to control a customer's expectations, explain to him what the problem is and that we're fixing it? Why does it take you half an hour of blathering, to leave the customer thinking we aren't fixing the problem/completely misunderstanding whats wrong?

I take over and talk to the guy for like, 2 minutes and he understands and goes away happy, its not fskcing rocket surgery.

Man I could never be a manager, I would be far too witheringly horrible and bitchy to my staff, I think :|

Songs sung today by the guy in the next office, day 2:

* Unidentified humming tune

* 'Jamie! Oh, Jamie! Jaaaa-meeee!'

* 'Oh yellow rose of Texas...'

* 'Ah-haaaa-haaaa' (unidentified tune)

* 'Wee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo' (to the tune of 'Living Doll')

* 'Why doooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-do-do-do?' (this was so drawn out, he never got as far as the birds suddenly appearing)

* 'Enchante voulez-vou!'

* 'I'm in the mood for love...'

(At this point I went to the printer and his receipt for Liza Minnelli tickets was on top of my print job)

(At this point I went to the printer and his receipt for Liza Minnelli tickets was on top of my print job)

^induced big lol before getting out of bed for work today

used to work with someone who would ALWAYS say, on the phone or in person when he was asked how he was, how are things etc, "not three bad". it would grate very quickly. probably said "to SOME tune" about 50 times a day too, by way of emphasis.

now i share an office with someone who says one of two things on arriving at work:

(chummy voice) "How are we"
(fake posh voice) "Air hair lair"

my office mate likes to make up stupid songs. you know, how kids do? but when kids do it, it's cute. when she sings 'my job is interfering with my life in a way that's inappropriate!' to some random succession of notes, it is not.

Do we all work with tourettes sufferers or something? One of the guys I work with has repeated song/joke snippets he says over and over. For ages it was that "you're gold and silvUH HUH HUH, I said I wasnt gonna lose my head but then POP goes my heart" song from that horrible film. Over and fucking over. Just that bit.

(fake posh voice) "Air hair lair"

!? Is that meant to be like "oh hello" in plumvoice?

Do we all work with tourettes sufferers or something? One of the guys I work with has repeated song/joke snippets he says over and over.

Our version of this guy this morning is endlessly looping "when you were young ba DA you reached for the sun doo DOO doo doo shine on you craaaaaaZEE diamond..." - note incorrect lyrics - this all "sung" in a passable William Shatner recital with an Edinburgh accent.

thread of gold:
A thread for Steve n.'s list of songs that his boss sings

argh whoever keeps making popcorn like 3 afternoons a week is going to drive me crazy. that smell will fill our hall for the next 2 hours.

Not a colleague, but one time a guy who came to give a presentation on data storage systems interspersed his talk with under-the-breath drum machine noises.

A thread for Steve n.'s list of songs that his boss sings is a gem. I love it!

dear boss,
why did you wait until 1 week before leaving for china to arrange your business visa when you've known you were going for 2 months? arasl;dgkjadglkj thanks for making my last 3 days at this job so, so pleasant!

if it's your last 3 days - why do you care?

i have this crazy work ethic thing. ugh.

fuck it.
lets get drunk at lunch.

i can't even leave to go get my lunch! a;sldkgj

ya, god forbid they should fire you!

LOL theres no way hes gonna get a working visa to china in a week surely.

I am the person at jobs (or anywhere) who is always singing snippets of songs, and worse yet is usually shit like "Reach Out of the Darkness" by Friend & Lover or "My Life" by Billy Joel: songs I hate but that are real headworms.

Actually "Reach Out of the Darkness" is a total jam & I love it.

My husband calls this "boring Tourette's."

one of the extras in the commercial i'm working would . not. quit. fidgeting. wanted to strangle the doof.

Today _I_ am the stupid co-worker. Carrying too many things, arms full, tried to open door by violently kneeing the door handle, tore gaping hole in pants. Attempts to rectify hole with electrical tape have proven flawed. Am going home by public transport.

Attempts to rectify hole with electrical tape

i do like this can-do spirit though

seriously i have had nothing to do for like 2 weeks and now it's crazy time but she's all flippant like it's not a big deal. ugh. i know somehow she'll pull strings and end up with the visa and never learn her lesson.

So, a co-worker of mine has been "fucking up" in the words of another co-worker, and is on THIN ice, employment-wise.

I'm relatively new here, and they seem to like me a lot, and while I'm still learning the ropes, they see that I put forth a good effort and try my best all the time. In other words, I think I'm pretty safe at this point.

Still - shit is TENSE around here. Meeting next Tuesday to discuss things "will suck," by the words of the other co-worker. Yikes.

Co-worker to me: 'So she said 'do you think I've ever find a man in this city? I'm 32' and I said 'in this city? No way! No WAY!' (I'm 37 and single).

I've = I'll

I was the stupid co-worker the other day. My middle-aged female editor and I rounded a corner from opposite directions and nearly collided...

HER: You have to watch out for me around here. They say I'm like a bull in a China shop sometimes.

ME: Haha, like anyone would ever confuse this place with a China shop.

Hahah whoops snap.

"How do I look Professor?"
"Like a cheap French harlot!"
"...French!?"

MUTHAFUCKA I HAVE PLACES TO BE

LIKE

U THINK ITS A GAME OR

awwwwww sheeeet ain't you supposed to be out like 30 min ago?!!/!?!?

i am not even in this job anymore and i am still getting lazy emails about things that i pre-emptively advised them before i left. wtf it's called "Find" in Outlook. Use it.

if you have trouble, there is an ADVANCED FIND option!

T, u a treat.

<3

"can you make me a list from the database of the things which don't exist on the database"

I do not have words for how much nicer my job was when this person took a week off.

you need a left join. a left join on *everything*.

"can you make me a list from the database of the things which don't exist on the database"

make a venn diagram

ha haha - wow. i hope you took that as literally as possible.

(a) those that belong to the Emperor,
(b) embalmed ones,
(c) those that are trained,
(d) suckling pigs,
(e) mermaids,
(f) fabulous ones,
(g) stray dogs,
(h) those that are included in this classification,
(i) those that tremble as if they were mad,
(j) innumerable ones,
(k) those drawn with a very fine camel’s hair brush,
(l) others,
(m) those that have just broken a flower vase,
(n) those that resemble flies from a distance

Is that Jacob's list?

I wouldn't know about that kind of thing, Ted.

ha hahaha!

seriously lady, do you talk at your husband at this rate of words per minute without actually saying anything remotely interesting or related to the task at hand? because he is either a saint, hearing impaired, or he lost a bet. how did your family put up with this when you were growing up? did they ever "accidentally" leave you at rest stops?

OK, this guy I work with (who is here because I recommended him for the job - sort of distant friend/acquaintance/friend of friend person) has been exhibiting very snotty, aggresive frustration with everything for some time now, and today he full on almost screamed "HOY!" at one of our suppliers on the phone to shut the guy up and demand he do something.

The guy sounds like he's about to go postal, it's making me horribly nervous.