My mother's incredibly stupid ex-husband

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Oh right on Jody. I think I was thinking of my mother.

― Carey (Carey), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

16. One day Chris and James went fishing; I tagged along. "Bring a can of corn," James advised Chris, "it makes good bait." (This wasn't full-on fishing, btw--we'd be lucky if we caught a sunfish.) So we drive an hour out to the spot, get out the tackle boxes and rods, and I say, "Hey, did you bring the corn?" (I was intrigued because I was eight years old and had never heard of using corn for fish bait.) "Yep," he said--and whipped out a can of creamed corn. It turned out not to be a big deal, though, since he forgot to bring a can opener.

― M Matos (M Matos), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 19:55 (twenty-three years ago)

17. Fourth of July, 1984. We decide to drive out to the woods and have a picnic. So we make sandwiches, get chips, and fill a cooler with ice, soda, beer, and Klondike Bars, and begin the journey. The trip took an hour.

"The Klondike Bars all melted!" I cried when we opened the cooler. "So has all the ice!"

"I fucking told you not to put the cooler in the trunk," my mother scolded.

"That's never fucking happened before!" Chris swore.

― M Matos (M Matos), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 20:00 (twenty-three years ago)

18. One day, driving us to our great-aunt's house, Chris took a wrong turn onto a one-way street. He averted there oncoming cars and narrowly avoided a collision with a parked one before finally making it down the block and turning the correct way. There was about a minute of silence, while my mother and I could finally breathe again (my brother, who was less than a year old, was also in the car).

Suddenly, Chris beamed. "Man!" he said. "I must be the best fucking driver in the world! Anyone else would have gotten into in accident, but I avoided all those cars [that were headed straight at me because I was stupid enough to make a wrong turn on a fucking one-way residential street], and none of us got hurt." He concluded cockily: "I'm a great fucking driver."

― M Matos (M Matos), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 20:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I love these stories!

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 20:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Anthony Worrel Thompson is married to the daughter of the guy who owns the shop next to my house. Interesting celebrity gossip is what I am full of.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 20:44 (twenty-three years ago)

http://pages.ripco.net/~dymaxia/freeper.jpeg

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 20:51 (twenty-three years ago)

i wish i knew someone with the second name moran

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 20:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Very minor photoshopping could address it to Rick Moranis. I still think it's Jesse Ventura holding the sign.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 21:06 (twenty-three years ago)

i really do know someone with the first name moran, tho that doesn't help much.

matos, you deserve all the happiness that life can bring.

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 21:06 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread makes me want to scoop up the eight year old Matos and give him hugs and ice cream.

(I should be working - shout at me if you see me post again)

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 21:49 (twenty-three years ago)

no time travel interceptions on matos' behalf please, facetime with chris clearly shaped him into the matos we know and love today (he knows this to be true)

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 21:57 (twenty-three years ago)

i suddenly have such a better understanding of all my neighbors

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:04 (twenty-three years ago)

jesus christ, matos!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:06 (twenty-three years ago)

(although if their kids can turn out 1/2 as okay as matos did, we're all gonna be alright)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:09 (twenty-three years ago)

(nb: obv this isn't likely)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:09 (twenty-three years ago)

not living near you it ain't

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:12 (twenty-three years ago)

my dad was no bright spot either, mind

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I love my dad

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:42 (twenty-three years ago)

you're lucky! i think that's pretty rare, at least amongst peoples i know

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:43 (twenty-three years ago)

do these people like sports?

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:56 (twenty-three years ago)

varies

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:57 (twenty-three years ago)

it's the glue to male bonding

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 22:59 (twenty-three years ago)

i like my dad lots and his love of sport is even less than mine = zero in both cases

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 23:01 (twenty-three years ago)

the math is wonky but the fact is true

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 23:01 (twenty-three years ago)

there are alternate glues

shared geekiness=glue to male bonding

sports most common, but 'culture' does as well

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 23:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I read some of the earlier entries today to my coworkers on our drive down to San Diego and they were almost crying with laughter. I fear what the rest of these entries will do to them. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:28 (twenty-three years ago)

The Fuddrucker story is still my favorite one.

― Eve, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:28 (twenty-three years ago)

me too, although I'm partial to Fuddrucker stories in general (are there any Fuddrucker's left?)

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes! At least in this corner of the Midwest.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:38 (twenty-three years ago)

There were a couple in San Diego in the eighties, probably gone now...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:42 (twenty-three years ago)

there was one in Athens - I took a date their in ninth grade, she didn't like cheese, the date didn't go well - but it closed long ago. every other business that's opened up in that building hasn't lasted more than a year, year and a half either so it's not specific to Fuddruckers.

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Jesus damn, Matos. You have scared me away from pot FOREVER.

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:49 (twenty-three years ago)

The cool kids at my high school would go to Myrtle Beach for vacation and come back with Big Johnsons and Fuddruckers T-shirts. I was jealous.

I love my dad too. He doesn't like sports (other than Duke basketball, ugh), but he loves music as much as me. It's all we can talk about, unless he's drunk (then he suddenly "loves" me and whatnot).

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 01:58 (twenty-three years ago)

We're so gonna have a Fuddruckers FAP in Wayne or Paramus.

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 02:01 (twenty-three years ago)

The cool kids at my high school would go to Myrtle Beach for vacation and come back with Big Johnsons

(chortle)

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 02:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, defnitely, Matos you should come.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 02:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I think this is the funniest thread I've ever seen. What's Chris doing with himself now?

― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 02:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris answers. "I can't make my face turn into a heart."

dude needs to try harder:

http://www.rdwarf.com/~mnoel/face25.4.4.02.jpg

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 03:11 (twenty-three years ago)

(you guys are all great; thanks)

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 04:44 (twenty-three years ago)

"I can make my face turn into a heart" is Oberst worthy

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 04:45 (twenty-three years ago)

You know, the congressman who represents part of Northern Virginia (Arlington and Alexandria) is Jim Moran. He's the one who got in trouble for saying that a Jewish conspiracy caused the war in Iraq. Maybe he's the who that guy is protesting against. I don't know, it's possible.

He also said that it's been scientifically proven that Salvadorans work harder than Mexicans. So he has enemies.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 05:19 (twenty-three years ago)

The Nation loves him

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 05:22 (twenty-three years ago)

are there any Fuddrucker's left?

At least two have opened recently in DC. There was one in Rockville when I was growing up, but I don't know if it's still there.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

There's one here in Richmond too.

― NA. (Nick A.), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:00 (twenty-three years ago)

There are a bunch of Fuddruckers in Utah.

― Fivvy (Fivvy), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:04 (twenty-three years ago)

My mother is about to partake in her second marriage to a shitbag very similar to this dude. In fact he got bagged for DUI last night and driving an uninsured, unregistered car. And yet the woman doesn't want to listen to my sister and I about shitbag and how she'll throw her life down the toilet.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:07 (twenty-three years ago)

What's a fuckrudder anyway?

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Marvelous burger joint with huge tasty portions.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:28 (twenty-three years ago)

>What's a fuckrudder anyway?

Chain restaurant based around selling "gourmet" hamburgers or something.

― fletrejet, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:48 (twenty-three years ago)

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