Star Wars Anthology shit talk (Rogue One, Young Solo, TBD)

woody's going to be the grizzled space-gambler from whom han wins the millennium falcon

i'd be down with woody as space-haymitch but i'd rather he reprised his role from kingpin as a space-bowler

The three Brian Daley Han Solo paperbacks from the late seventies could serve as a basic model -- Han getting into scrapes etc. but with a moral code that surfaces as it does.

I'm hardly the first to observe it but the entire idea of doing a Young Han Solo movie is moronic for exactly the reason jmm points out - Han's story is that he's a rogue who becomes a hero. We already saw that and there's really nothing to see before that story starts. The only reason to make a prequel is as a cash-grab serving fannish "BUT I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE" impulses. The only way to write it, I expect, will be to gin up some wheels-spinning crap that doesn't matter at all. Most likely they reveal that Han was once an idealistic guy who in the course of the movie fights for good, but at the climax when he beats the bad guys he also loses in some way (ten bucks says his love interest is killed, or maybe the family farm he was saving up for gets burned down in retaliation with cheap echoes of the Lars farm in the original film) and he buries his heart and soul and so on. Heavy borrowings from Casino Royale, plus some space chase hijincks with college buddy Lando in his souped-up spaceship (Lando: "I'm thinking of calling it 'The Falcon'" Han: "Shyeah, that'd be a cool name... IN THE LAST MILLENNIUM"), and a pointless cameo from, idk, IG-88 and you've got yourself an $800 million box office. Hooray.

Like I'm potentially open to spinoff movies in what once seemed like this vast and exciting universe with new stories to be told around every corner, but if all they can come up with is "more prequels, but this time they won't look like shit and the scripts/acting will be baseline competent" it's a pretty sad indictment of the entire enterprise.

yeah, I'd certainly prefer it if they chose to explore this vast and exciting universe with new characters in new situations - rogue one was a half-step in the right direction, although still ultimately married to the original trilogy, but a solo-Solo movie is like two steps back again

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C1y9DvrXgAATEA9.jpg:large

OK, which one of you started asking the Star Wars canon guru my questions?
https://twitter.com/pablohidalgo/status/818884677125607426

although i'd be lying if i said i wasn't excited about the forthcoming droids trilogy starring r2d2 and c3po

sorry, first link was supposed to be a link to the image in this tweet
https://twitter.com/pablohidalgo/status/818737112459530240

(Han Solo film spoilers!!)

fwiw I think I owned this magazine

pablo hidalgo dodges the vader-dick question, further fuelling fan speculation that Rey will be revealed to be cloned from vader's severed dick during ep viii

I kind of want to invite the woman postulating about "Ani's nut juice" on twitter to ilx

i did enjoy this from the replies:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C11HV1_VIAAH6dy.jpg

The Woody mentor character will die as a direct consequence of not having shot first.

Most likely they reveal that Han was once an idealistic guy who in the course of the movie fights for good, but at the climax when he beats the bad guys he also loses in some way (ten bucks says his love interest is killed, or maybe the family farm he was saving up for gets burned down in retaliation with cheap echoes of the Lars farm in the original film) and he buries his heart and soul and so on.

Thinking about this more, it seems to me that anything they do along these lines will get the character wrong. Han in Episode IV doesn't come across as tormented. He comes across like a guy who finds it natural to live a certain way and has his perspective broadened. He's supposed to be superficial. It will be difficult to work a Star Wars-style fable out of that.

a) this is by Miller and Lord, it will be fine
b) there was a lot of "a prequel for the plans would be totally pointless", it will be fine.

it will be cool to see young Han raised by wookies. maybe Lumpy makes a cameo.

this is by Miller and Lord, it will be fine

Quite.

I don't see what could be much wrong with a story about a happy-go-lucky Han Solo adventuring roguishly, buying, selling, gambling, smuggling and quipping, and not developing at all beyond such concerns. Would make a change from the usual nonsense about the Force. Come to think of it, sounds like it ought to be the best Star Wars film ever.

Yeah, I can see it working if it's more like Indiana Jones.

Maybe they'll just use stock footage from Patriot Games

at least finally we are going to get to see Jabba the Hutt flipping around with a lightsaber cutting guys left and right just like we always imagined

that green rabbit guy should be in this

http://orig03.deviantart.net/28d8/f/2011/323/6/f/bucky_o__hare_by_fou_lo-d4go1q7.png

Only if they keep the original dialogue:

http://media.comicbook.com/uploads1/2014/09/star-wars-008-6-106521.jpg

Which, now that I see it again in full, they might as well do since it can be their very own Rocket Raccoon.

that patton oswalt thing from Parks & Rec is entirely possible

hm... so that's why disney has been buying up all the genre properties...

a pointless cameo from, idk, IG-88

NOTHING ABOUT IG-88 IS POINTLESS

***runs off sobbing***

there was a lot of "a prequel for the plans would be totally pointless"

It was totally pointless! To be honest, even allowing for that pointlessness, if they'd made a better movie out of it, I might have accepted it and would now be extending SLIGHTLY more credit to the upcoming adventures of The Solo Kid - "well it's going to be totally pointless but so far their totally pointless space adventure prequels have been great escapist fun." Instead they made a kind of semi-competent blah forgettable space movie totally fumbling its ostensible war-slash-heist-mission sales pitch (with a few scattered highlights) and it's just like ughhhh enough already.

OTOH I guess it'll be fun in a few years when we poll the Star Wars prequels and people actually have to choose between Attack of the Clones, Biggs and Wedge: Shipwrecked on Dantooine and the Caravan of Courage reboot explaining how Wicket came to live in the Ewok Village Action Playset.

still waiting for the side story that explains that one time darth vader teamed up with the decepticons and megatron turned him into a TIE fighter.

http://tfwiki.net/mediawiki/images2/thumb/2/26/SWTFtoy-VaderTIE.JPG/800px-SWTFtoy-VaderTIE.JPG

When I was at that Transformers convention to help my friend at his booth selling toys, I met the guy who did the voice for that toy. Not the Vader voice for anything else, I think, just for... that toy

Sorry DC, forgot you were a "this excellent movie was not in fact excellent" truther :)

otm

Hey guys, wouldn't it be cool if the Han Solo spinoff took place in the gap in the first Star Wars movie between when he left the Rebels, and when he returned to help Luke blow up the Death Star? I mean, we never found out why he changed his mind, did we? It needs to be explained! The movie could take place in real time, with Han sitting in the cockpit and having visions of his past. And Harrelson could play, like, an old, dead mentor of his, who also serves as the Ghost of Life Day Future, showing what an asshole he will become if he doesn't turn back and help his buddies. Wouldn't this be great?

Yes

Then Harrelson's force ghost is also killed, and Han gets stuck in the evil timeline and has to blow up that Death Star to get home. Thus giving him the change of heart to help Luke and friends.

I'm thinking more like Woody in that scenario is the concierge to Han's lobby boy a la Grand Budapest Hotel

What I'd like to see is a series of movies that runs parallel to the original trilogy but that shows us what the characters who weren't onscreen in a given scene were up to. Like a companion to A New Hope where the first half is mostly just Leia trying to figure out how to entertain herself while sitting in her cell.

2 hours of Luke in the bacta tank

No no a real Minutt for Minutt film of the search for Luke in the snowspeeders

Norway is Hoth after all

Where did the other probe droids end up? What did they see?

i'd like an ice-age style animated comedy set on hoth starring the wampa which eventually becomes luke's sleeping bag in empire

or maybe a fish-out-of-water comedy with a wampa trying to adapt to life on the lava plains of mustafar

That writes itself! The wampa struggling to breathe for the first ten minutes, and then lying dead for an hour and forty-five minutes.

A Day in the Star Wars bar, done like Cheers

xps: you're thinking of a tauntaun.

you're right! which leads to to wonder whether the star wars universe needs an odd couple-style sitcom with a wampa and a tauntaun struggling to live together in a cave on hoth

Where did the other probe droids end up? What did they see?

― The beaver is not the bad guy (El Tomboto), Thursday, January 12, 2017

Priceless!

A Day in the Star Wars bar, done like Cheers

― Ste, Thursday, January 12, 2017 9:50 AM (nineteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzXKySxPFCI