Star Wars Anthology shit talk (Rogue One, Young Solo, TBD)

I see you see where I was eventually going with all of this

i wonder if they made frazier today, they'd CG cap kelsey grammar to be his own brother instead of hiring david hyde pierce.
would be nice to see uncanny valley coach.

Not happy about Woody news. Think this might be where I get off the ship. Then again I had the same reaction about Forest Whitaker.

and he turned out to be great!

if woody is anything other than a grizzled mentor-type smuggler to young han solo who dies at the end of the first act, his ship incinerated by Boba Fett in a bounty beef, i'd be shocked.

"Naw, Greedo. Ah am your father."

Confirmed: Woody playing Jabba the Hutt.

No CGI or anything. Just Harrelson in tighty whities chilling on a dais and eating frogs.

that's so woody

(the frogs are animated in post-production due to his veganism)

they could just make them out of seitan

that's what they did in zombieland iirc for the twinkies

Woody's a solid actor, he'll be fine

No, I think he's mostly liquid like the rest of us.

It could be a fun movie, but I'm not sure a conventional moral arc will work. Han learns to overcome self-interest in A New Hope. That's already basically an origin story. This movie is going to have end with him not being a hero.

no they will cover that plot hole in the next movie, Young Han Solo: The Death Star

woody's going to be the grizzled space-gambler from whom han wins the millennium falcon

i'd be down with woody as space-haymitch but i'd rather he reprised his role from kingpin as a space-bowler

The three Brian Daley Han Solo paperbacks from the late seventies could serve as a basic model -- Han getting into scrapes etc. but with a moral code that surfaces as it does.

I'm hardly the first to observe it but the entire idea of doing a Young Han Solo movie is moronic for exactly the reason jmm points out - Han's story is that he's a rogue who becomes a hero. We already saw that and there's really nothing to see before that story starts. The only reason to make a prequel is as a cash-grab serving fannish "BUT I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE" impulses. The only way to write it, I expect, will be to gin up some wheels-spinning crap that doesn't matter at all. Most likely they reveal that Han was once an idealistic guy who in the course of the movie fights for good, but at the climax when he beats the bad guys he also loses in some way (ten bucks says his love interest is killed, or maybe the family farm he was saving up for gets burned down in retaliation with cheap echoes of the Lars farm in the original film) and he buries his heart and soul and so on. Heavy borrowings from Casino Royale, plus some space chase hijincks with college buddy Lando in his souped-up spaceship (Lando: "I'm thinking of calling it 'The Falcon'" Han: "Shyeah, that'd be a cool name... IN THE LAST MILLENNIUM"), and a pointless cameo from, idk, IG-88 and you've got yourself an $800 million box office. Hooray.

Like I'm potentially open to spinoff movies in what once seemed like this vast and exciting universe with new stories to be told around every corner, but if all they can come up with is "more prequels, but this time they won't look like shit and the scripts/acting will be baseline competent" it's a pretty sad indictment of the entire enterprise.

yeah, I'd certainly prefer it if they chose to explore this vast and exciting universe with new characters in new situations - rogue one was a half-step in the right direction, although still ultimately married to the original trilogy, but a solo-Solo movie is like two steps back again

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C1y9DvrXgAATEA9.jpg:large

OK, which one of you started asking the Star Wars canon guru my questions?
https://twitter.com/pablohidalgo/status/818884677125607426

although i'd be lying if i said i wasn't excited about the forthcoming droids trilogy starring r2d2 and c3po

sorry, first link was supposed to be a link to the image in this tweet
https://twitter.com/pablohidalgo/status/818737112459530240

(Han Solo film spoilers!!)

fwiw I think I owned this magazine

pablo hidalgo dodges the vader-dick question, further fuelling fan speculation that Rey will be revealed to be cloned from vader's severed dick during ep viii

I kind of want to invite the woman postulating about "Ani's nut juice" on twitter to ilx

i did enjoy this from the replies:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C11HV1_VIAAH6dy.jpg

The Woody mentor character will die as a direct consequence of not having shot first.

Most likely they reveal that Han was once an idealistic guy who in the course of the movie fights for good, but at the climax when he beats the bad guys he also loses in some way (ten bucks says his love interest is killed, or maybe the family farm he was saving up for gets burned down in retaliation with cheap echoes of the Lars farm in the original film) and he buries his heart and soul and so on.

Thinking about this more, it seems to me that anything they do along these lines will get the character wrong. Han in Episode IV doesn't come across as tormented. He comes across like a guy who finds it natural to live a certain way and has his perspective broadened. He's supposed to be superficial. It will be difficult to work a Star Wars-style fable out of that.

a) this is by Miller and Lord, it will be fine
b) there was a lot of "a prequel for the plans would be totally pointless", it will be fine.

it will be cool to see young Han raised by wookies. maybe Lumpy makes a cameo.

this is by Miller and Lord, it will be fine

Quite.

I don't see what could be much wrong with a story about a happy-go-lucky Han Solo adventuring roguishly, buying, selling, gambling, smuggling and quipping, and not developing at all beyond such concerns. Would make a change from the usual nonsense about the Force. Come to think of it, sounds like it ought to be the best Star Wars film ever.

Yeah, I can see it working if it's more like Indiana Jones.

Maybe they'll just use stock footage from Patriot Games

at least finally we are going to get to see Jabba the Hutt flipping around with a lightsaber cutting guys left and right just like we always imagined

that green rabbit guy should be in this

http://orig03.deviantart.net/28d8/f/2011/323/6/f/bucky_o__hare_by_fou_lo-d4go1q7.png

Only if they keep the original dialogue:

http://media.comicbook.com/uploads1/2014/09/star-wars-008-6-106521.jpg

Which, now that I see it again in full, they might as well do since it can be their very own Rocket Raccoon.

that patton oswalt thing from Parks & Rec is entirely possible

hm... so that's why disney has been buying up all the genre properties...

a pointless cameo from, idk, IG-88

NOTHING ABOUT IG-88 IS POINTLESS

***runs off sobbing***

there was a lot of "a prequel for the plans would be totally pointless"

It was totally pointless! To be honest, even allowing for that pointlessness, if they'd made a better movie out of it, I might have accepted it and would now be extending SLIGHTLY more credit to the upcoming adventures of The Solo Kid - "well it's going to be totally pointless but so far their totally pointless space adventure prequels have been great escapist fun." Instead they made a kind of semi-competent blah forgettable space movie totally fumbling its ostensible war-slash-heist-mission sales pitch (with a few scattered highlights) and it's just like ughhhh enough already.

OTOH I guess it'll be fun in a few years when we poll the Star Wars prequels and people actually have to choose between Attack of the Clones, Biggs and Wedge: Shipwrecked on Dantooine and the Caravan of Courage reboot explaining how Wicket came to live in the Ewok Village Action Playset.

still waiting for the side story that explains that one time darth vader teamed up with the decepticons and megatron turned him into a TIE fighter.

http://tfwiki.net/mediawiki/images2/thumb/2/26/SWTFtoy-VaderTIE.JPG/800px-SWTFtoy-VaderTIE.JPG

When I was at that Transformers convention to help my friend at his booth selling toys, I met the guy who did the voice for that toy. Not the Vader voice for anything else, I think, just for... that toy

Sorry DC, forgot you were a "this excellent movie was not in fact excellent" truther :)

otm