Star Wars Anthology shit talk (Rogue One, Young Solo, TBD)

his robo-feet were very prequel trilogy but that strange affected cadence and weirdo wheeze were of some 90s DTV post-apocalypse cheapie.

IRL military flight squadrons change leaders every couple of days.

but this takes place in far away galaxy, long, long ago. 'real life' there can be whatever you want.

the Red Leader/Gold Leader guys are plucked right out of the first movie.

Major plot hole, IRL military flight squadrons change leaders every couple of days.

my point there was this is literally the same movie as the first one.

i'll see it eventually. i just am not in a hurry. i saw Star Wars like 30 years ago, and imagined the world suggested by those actors, costumes, sets, special effect, music, etc. all working in tandem, all those talents and skills from that specific time and place. it created a potent imaginary universe. through the EU that universe even gained big dollar real world manifestation. star wars was a ritual, it was based on all those ritual symbols and story cycles, and the holistic, cumulative magic of the team that made the first movie is what we love about it. sequelizing was inevitable but this is cannibalism. re-creating scenes shot-for-shot shows a nadir of creativity. what's worse they are actively writing over our memories of those imaginations the first movie inspired in us so long ago. the first movie was very potent, our imaginations were very potent in response. the more they over-explain, the more they take away the frame from us and tell us the official story, it devalues the potency of the series as a whole.

same reasons a lot of catholics never open the bible iirc

literally the same movie

please do us all a favor and never actually see it

having red and gold leader there, i mean they're the guys who lead the death star assault, it would make sense that there would be some carryover of experienced pilots who survived the previous battle. i think it's more a nice touch and homage to the characters (and yes a bit of deep cuts being played again, for fan wish fulfillment) rather than something unoriginal.

it's definitely the same movie

I subtracted the pixel values for each frame of the two films and summed the square of the differences. The result was zero. They literally rereleased star wars.

shot-for-shot remakes!

Carrie Fisher(along with many other familiar late 70s NYC women) popped up in a bit on Mr Mike's Mondo Video

Perrin on O'Donoghue's affair with Fisher aka Puppy Flesh

https://dennisperrinblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/28/the-fisher-queen/

Thought this was drab, largely humourless and not really any fun. Also, everything prior to the final act was really dimly lit--I nearly nodded off a few times.

i just saw assassins creed. if you watch assassins creed i think it will make you retroactively have a good time at rogue one.

I have a feeling if you see Assassins Creed it will make you retroactively have a good time at literally anything. The dentist, church, DMV ...

....assassinations, Creed concerts...

Watching assassins creed makes you retroactively have a good time watching assassins creed

Because i mean, fuck, at least it's not assassins creed am i righyut guuuuuys

I really need to schedule a dentist appointment, I might steel myself by scheduling a viewing of Assassins Creed first

Finally saw this. It was good, but you guys have said all the things already. Vader at the end was like Jason Voorhees slicin' up mf-ers with his 'chete. Brutal. Overcompensating for the loss of his donger, I guess.

For want of a donger, the plans were lost.
For want of the plans, the death star was lost.
For want of the death star, the star wars were lost.
For want of the star wars, the prequels were made.
And all for the want of a sith cock.

Thought this was drab, largely humourless and not really any fun. Also, everything prior to the final act was really dimly lit--I nearly nodded off a few times.

― rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Monday, 2 January 2017 16:04 (yesterday)

Likewise, I think I'm done with Star Wars

Hmmmmm, trying to figure out which movie you guys accidentally wandered into.

Drab Sleepy Humorless One

The really boring one that takes over two hours to explain a plot contrivance from the original movie.

I guess my question is, knowing what this movie is about and knowing what Star Wars movies are generally like, what were you expecting this movie to be like? To me, this was pretty much exactly what I wanted it to be; a relatively surface space opera about a motley band thrown together largely by circumstance standing up to overwhelming oppression and sacrificing themselves so that others could have a chance to continue fighting. I wasn't looking for deep characterization, I wasn't looking for airtight plotting, I wasn't looking for something that would change my outlook or make me introspective; I was looking for a movie set in the Star Wars universe about stealing the plans for the Death Star, I got one, I enjoyed it.

Admittedly, my expectations weren't the highest (my husband is the SW fan; I was there mostly for him), but I was at least hoping for a sort-of good time, and this movie was really dreary and morose.

ah okay, that makes more sense

I agree with "morose"; this was one of the things I really liked about it.

For sure. Given the nature of the heist, everything kinda went down the way one might expect, but given that this was a Star Wars movie, I was legitimately surprised that EVERYONE died. I thought for sure there would be some uplifting, last-minute rescue of at least Jyn and Cassian but nope. I really dig that lack of compromise in genre fiction when it isn't in the service of facile grim n' gritty nihilism.

I mean, but yeah, suicide missions are usually kinda morose affairs, I would guess.

You might say that unlike some other productions of the past year, this film had a real suicide squad

Clearly unintentional given the production schedule but this felt like a very strong anti-Trump call to arms to me. But then pretty much everything feels like that to me these days.

am I the only one surprised that the Empire would voluntarily obliterate all its own technical research??

Does it expressly say this is the only datebase site they have?

lol, DATAbase.

Yeah, that seemed odd. The fact that the rebels had to go to that one specific planet to get the plans would presumably suggest an absence of backups.

it was just a way to cover up their colossal fuck up of allowing a small group of rebels to infiltrate and steal the plans.

Clearly unintentional given the production schedule but this felt like a very strong anti-Trump call to arms to me. But then pretty much everything feels like that to me these days.

This review convincingly reads it as such.

I was totally down for a morose, everybdoy-dies suicide mission heist set n the Star Wars universe - just thought this was a mediocre version of that. JB on the F This Movie podcast (reliably their most enjoyable guest - he should have his own show!) brought up other people's comparisons to Guns of Navarone and, I think rightly, dismissed them - a Guns of Navarone type movie would be GREAT but this really doesn't work in the way that (or Dirty Dozen, or Great Escape, or...) does. There's an art and a craft to this kind of ''determined band on a mission'' movie.

Not to say that it has to be a formula! Just felt like the weakest parts of this (and the ones that seemed the most bolted-on by Disney/reshoots) were those that took it off course from that kind of Mission Movie, eating up screen time that could have gone to buildin investment in the characters, and turning the mission into miscellaneous video game obstacles announced at the last second.

I would have cut out the entire space battle (save the demolition derby stunt for Oscar Isaac in the next 'main' film), the ''rebel council'' crap, the ''your favorite characters'' coda, all the Tarkin stuff, and found a way to fold the frst-act Saw Guerrera stuff more coherently into the plot/character arcs. Use that time to have our heroes working out their plan, casing the joint, figuring out that they change the guards at a certain time of day etc etc. Give Jyn a real arc, give Saw something distinct to do. He should obviously be ON the team, but moreover there's potential there to really develop all the hinted father-figure themes and make this movie have something unique to contribute to the Star Wars trope of father figures and troubled children...

Like maybe, in the *course of the story*, through Jyn going through situations wth these two guys (rather than through isolated interactions with holograms and dying men), she comes to accept that - I'm in heavy rewrite territory here - both the father she put on a pedestal and the one she'd written off as a monster were, in the end, flawed but earnest men, who loved her and who tried in their seemingly opposite ways to redeem their lives and contribute to the greater good. That's just a sketch but I think the major pieces of the plot are there for it, and it'd give depth to a universe previously reliant on sort of abstract ideas like ''there is still good in him, I know it,'' and none of it would keep you from doing the awesome doomed-team heist movie.

it was just a way to cover up their colossal fuck up of allowing a small group of rebels to infiltrate and steal the plans.

this is how I read it, too

Doctor Casino, that sounds like a really interesting movie but if they had done that, half the posters here would be all "omg noooo why did they Nolanize Star Wars"

I'm still thinking about the lesson of not being the guy who is trying to get all the credit in the universe for the death star when your main role was that you figured out who to round up to get the giant laser to work.

there was a strong theme of "middle-management is the devil"

It's the "stand alone" movie - I think people would like it MORE if it had a stronger sense of its own "feel" - plus we just had TFA, no one had to fear that X-wings are gone forever and nothing will ever again feel like "classic Star Wars." Anyway I'm not proposing some dense brooding character study, just saying an adventure movie can also have themes and develop them clearly. Like, I dunno, Last Crusade might be a starting reference point. Darker than that, but you can wear your "child and father" story really blatantly and still work as an awesome popcorn movie. YMMV tho!

They aren't going to actually make a true stand-alone SW movie, are they.

My biggest disappointment is that it looked like the extremists had a wampa among their ranks but we never actually saw more than a few seconds of it so I don't know if it was actually a wampa but I'm just going to assume it was a wampa and wonder why the hell we didn't see more wampa-on-Imperial action.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Moroff

^ I didn't know this off hand I just felt like looking it up

He is badass. I wished there had been more of him too.

They aren't going to actually make a true stand-alone SW movie, are they.

http://resizing.flixster.com/6Q57-F-KYT5rbGR_W_DarHETivM=/800x1200/v1.bTsxMTIxNTAyMjtqOzE3MzA2OzIwNDg7MTAwMDsxNTAw

I remember looking at the ads for this as an 11-year-old and thinking "wow this looks unwatchable"

I definitely saw it before I ever saw Empire, and possibly even before I saw the other two of the OT as well. Can't remember a thing about it anymore, though.