EXCELSIOR is the second solo album by British musician LOLZ Coombes.

No ob required to me mayne you've survived a lot worse outbursts while maintaining favour

And calzino hasn't verbally knifed u, so I think you're safe for now, for a wonder

embolden me at our collective peril

this excelsior thread has frederik's oasis movie pitch in it so not ever a dead loss no matter what else is posted

Fred's ok apart from us politics but hardly alone in being ruined utterly by all contact with same

Trump is like Clooney in Burn After Reading, with a top secret basement project that turns out to be an insane dildo bike. "How will I fight terrorism? Oh, just you wait, I have a plan. I have a plan so good you won't believe!" And it turns out to be a dildo bike.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, September 19, 2016 4:04 PM (twenty-one minutes ago)

haha

i hope this isn't an inappropriate time to introduce my new line of penis pills

― I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Monday, September 19, 2016 10:19 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Elevator pitch

― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Monday, September 19, 2016 10:19 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no problem -

in a nutshell, my new line of pills will make your stick shift to new gears that require more flexible underwear to contain your baloney pony. order now and get a free pair of underwear from the gently used pile at no extra cost! now if you wouldn't mind pressing the lobby button for me, my mayo shooting hotdog gun has created a sticky situation for my hands. i'd shake your hand but my purple-headed yogurt flinging schlong dongadoodlin' steamin' semen *door closes*

― I look forward to hearing from you shortly, (Karl Malone), Monday, September 19, 2016 10:26 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

any criticism for that should be directed to http://ncfm.org/2011/06/activities/san-diego/174-ways-to-call-a-penis-something-other-than-penis/

I wonder if they have to give all those kids back now

― Dominique, Tuesday, September 20, 2016 8:25 AM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think Mia Farrow has some empty rooms

― The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, September 20, 2016 8:29 AM (two hours ago)

Most people mellow with age. Not Henley. Henley's like a finely aged bottle of bleach.

― Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, September 23, 2016 4:02 PM (three hours ago)

As our children will one day read in their history books (in the chapter titled “We’re Sorry”)

chapter?

― florence foster wallace (difficult listening hour), Thursday, September 29, 2016 3:41 PM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, most of history has been pretty chill, iirc.

― I Still Don't Regret My Crazy Town Neck Tat, and Here's Why (Old Lunch), Thursday, September 29, 2016 3:52 PM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You're Welcome (We're Sorry): A History of Human Civilization

― Οὖτις, Thursday, September 29, 2016 3:55 PM (five hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm thinking high school textbook. Sorry Not Sorry: The American Story

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, September 29, 2016 4:01 PM (five hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

If We Did It

― I wish you could see my home. It's... it's so... exciting (Jon not Jon), Thursday, September 29, 2016 4:09 PM (five hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ya

'We're sorry: a story of your forebears' as a school text would be a pretty good way to get the older section of the right to have strokes and die.

am I crazy or does Jazz Loon not have enough loon on it.
― Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Friday, September 30, 2016 11:15 AM (thirteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean, if I'm going to listen to an hour plus of Jazz Loon, then I really want to hear that loon blow
― Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Friday, September 30, 2016 11:16 AM (twelve minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

c'mon man it's the notes the loon doesn't play
― meat emissions (bizarro gazzara), Friday, September 30, 2016 11:19 AM (nine minutes ago)

Our Bad: An American Tapestry

pour one out for Diarrhea Buttballs

― ¶ (DJP), Friday, September 30, 2016 7:12 PM (fifty-one minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh he can do that himself.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, September 30, 2016 7:14 PM (forty-nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Lol

gold

Alternate universe: "Weird Al" releases first album in 1980, rides Gaucho coattails by calling his Groucho, ruins Groucho schtick for future musicians, Humpty from Digital Underground has to adopt Zeppo persona, Digital Underground goes nowhere, Tupac Shakur never gets his break, you fill in the blanks.

― O-Keigh (O-Keigh), Sunday, April 30, 2006 3:32 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That is a thing of beauty.

Although at the end of that my brain immediately kicks off the refrain to "How Bizarre"

lol

Pretty sure Shock G would've gone with a Harpo formula, but yes, I am overthinking this.

My grandmother died last year and helped the resistance. Had a collaborator found out, she could have been executed. It's not THAT long ago, folks...

― Frederik B, dinsdag 4 oktober 2016 21:55 (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bit harsh not to tell her the war was over

― don't even see how this was a duck (Noodle Vague), dinsdag 4 oktober 2016 21:57 (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I wonder if this was Kaine's entire strategy - "nobody's going to watch any more than 30 seconds of this, so just bring up every dumb thing Trump says because that's all the news talks about now"

― frogbs, Wednesday, October 5, 2016 4:23 AM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

he should have sung it to We Didn't Start the Fire then

― Neanderthal, Wednesday, October 5, 2016 4:25 AM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ban Muslims from coming in
Stop and Frisk is back again
Birth certificate a fraud
Ok maybe not

We are gonna build a wall
Putin's not so bad at all
Law and order, man the border
My daughter's kinda hot

― Neanderthal, Wednesday, October 5, 2016 4:30 AM (six hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(xp) OMGLOL!

xpost has been stuck in my head all day

NV's still has me giggling

trying to analyze trump in this debate is like trying to provide a critical analysis of un chien andalou.

― fat fingered algorithm (rushomancy), Sunday, October 9, 2016 11:49 PM (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

― never have i been a blue calm sea (collardio gelatinous), Sunday, October 9, 2016 11:49 PM (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

is he holding the razor or is he the razor

― The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, October 9, 2016 11:49 PM (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think he's the piano covered in corpses

― The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, October 9, 2016 11:50 PM (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

we're definitely the eyeball

― jason waterfalls (gbx), Sunday, October 9, 2016 11:50 PM (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

imagine someone over 40 having any kind of insight into anything

― tylerw, Tuesday, October 11, 2016 11:04 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's easy if you try

― the notes the loon doesn't play (ulysses), Tuesday, October 11, 2016 11:05 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the bridge on "here comes the sun" is insanely cool, tarfumes otm. my favorite part of the song is the beginning of the final verse.. the addition of the piercing yet soothing synth lead with "the ice is slowly melting" just kills me every time. i want to believe him!!

― brimstead, Tuesday, October 11, 2016 8:39 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"the ice is slowly melting" just kills me every time. i want to believe him!!

good news!

― difficult listening hour, Tuesday, October 11, 2016 8:46 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol i meant the ice around my heart

it can be both. 😂

They're like the Bob Dylan people. Every year I get really angry when people start going on about how Murakami should win.

― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Wednesday, October 12, 2016 7:01 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Which Bob Dylan people?

― LL Cantante (James Redd and the Blecchs), Wednesday, October 12, 2016 7:47 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

[...] every year people put money on Bob Dylan to win the Literature Nobel, because they are morons

― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Wednesday, October 12, 2016 10:28 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

But it's advocacy which makes no difference since I doubt that the Nobel committee takes their instructions from unibet. And he won't ever win since he's a rubbish "writer". Hence: morons.

― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:09 AM (nine hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Sorry. Just that the cultural adulation of both Bob Dylan and Murakami makes me very cross.

― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:10 AM (nine hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

[...]

Well, fuck me, i'm going to go live in a box

― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Thursday, October 13, 2016 7:02 AM (four hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what i said about M.O. that got me banned a few years ago, still true

― The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:10 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

was what morbs said racist or was it misogynistic?

― iatee, Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:12 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The traits that would make me insta-vote for her are the ones that will keep her from running.

xp just ugly, very ugly

― aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuu (melting robot) (WilliamC), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:13 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it described what the enabler of a war criminal is

― The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:13 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

please say it again

― Har-@-Iago (wins), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:13 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

There is this theory of the Morbius. A twist in the fabric of space where time becomes a loop

― Neanderthal, Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:14 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

read that line in my best english accent

+1

Flag Post isn't a mod decision so can we not

― the kids are alt right (darraghmac), Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:53 PM (eleven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I only regret that I had but one FP to give for my message board.

― Mordy, Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:55 PM (nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

xp says the guy from the country that wouldn't fight Hitler

― sarahell, Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:56 PM (nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We were just about to ffs

― the kids are alt right (darraghmac), Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:57 PM (eight minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fair enough

― mh 😏, Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:58 PM (seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a little slow, a little late

― sarahell, Thursday, October 13, 2016 12:59 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We'd taken drink

― the kids are alt right (darraghmac), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:00 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

1947: Ireland declares war on Germany

― nomar, Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:01 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark

flopson's edit of that nobel prize exchange rightly focuses on JM's collapsing universe but i still wanted to put in a word for this bit of skot timing:

They're like the Bob Dylan people. Every year I get really angry when people start going on about how Murakami should win.

― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Wednesday, October 12, 2016 1:01 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Which Bob Dylan people?

― LL Cantante (James Redd and the Blecchs), Wednesday, October 12, 2016 1:47 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all of them.

― scott seward, Wednesday, October 12, 2016 1:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Sam Kriss on the SV/Muskian obsession with simulation theory:

"Tech billionaires want to destroy the universe"

...Just a little tweak to the formula: All that appears to exist must be destroyed. There’s something admirable in this blasphemous ambition, but it’s based on some very shaky ideas. It helps to look at an influence on simulation theory that’s a little better known that the Nag Hammadi codices: 1999’s The Matrix, in which a gang of heroic freedom-fighters try to wake humanity from a false computer-generated universe and return them to the real world. The film has plenty of knowing references to those older traditions, and to some newer ones: In one scene, Neo is shown hiding his cash in a hollowed out copy of Jean Baudrillard’s Simulacra and Simulation (appropriately, a black hardback edition that doesn’t seem to have ever actually been printed.) The philosopher himself wasn’t particularly pleased, insisting in an interview that the film fundamentally misunderstood his work, that ‘The Matrix is surely the kind of film about the matrix that the matrix would have been able to produce.’ In The Matrix, there’s a real world behind the simulation. It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth. In his book, Baudrillard also talks about virtual realities and deceptive images, but his point isn’t that they have clouded our perception of the reality beyond. The present system of social images is so vast and all-encompassing that it’s produced a total reality for itself; it only lies when it has us thinking that there’s something else behind the façade. Baudrillard, always something of an overgrown child, loved to refer to Disneyland: As he pointed out, it’s in no way a fake—when you leave its gates, you return to an America that’s just one giant Disneyland, a copy without an original, from coast to coast. ‘The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth—it is the truth which conceals that there is none.’ Digital and cinematic media actively construct our experience of reality. The world of film stars and theme parks, social media and supermarket shelves designed to look like something out of an old-time grocery—this is the one we live in. Our Silicon Valley Satanists have made a very questionable assumption: What if there’s nowhere to break out into?

― (rocketcat) 🚀🐱 👑🐟 (kingfish), Friday, October 14, 2016 12:48 PM (thirty-four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

‘The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth—it is the truth which conceals that there is none.’

namaste

― mh 😏, Friday, October 14, 2016 12:56 PM (twenty-five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Especially since it's EXACTLY what he said he liked to do! The logic is very strained:

1. I was lying when I said I grope women.

2. I'm sorry and that's not who I am.

3. I was telling the truth when I said I don't grope women.

4. But actually all guys talk like that and it's not a big deal.

5. And the women who say I groped them are lying by saying that I did exactly what I said I liked to do (because I was lying when I said that).

He should sue himself for defamation.

...

― go get your winebox (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 14 October 2016 17:23 (ten minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Just wish he could keep his accent. Boba Fett's a Kiwi now, why can't we have Imperial Australians?

― I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Friday, October 14, 2016 8:35 PM (yesterday)

...

Jeeze. Come on mate. You'd prefer another target, a military target? In your own time.
Dantooine? Yeah, nah. Boys, when you're ready, have a lash.

― MatthewK, Friday, October 14, 2016 10:16 PM (yesterday)

the real October surprise was the friendship we found along the way

― gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, October 18, 2016 4:38 PM (fifty-two minutes ago)

Bradd JaffyVerified account
‏@BraddJaffy
Trump is bringing Obama's half-brother to the debate, @KatyTurNBC reports

― k3vin k., Tuesday, 18 October 2016 22:19 (twenty minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Omg, Obama's half brother! They should cancel the debate now.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 18 October 2016 22:28 (eleven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Hillary should bring Trump's worthless whole children.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 18 October 2016 22:29 (ten minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Per example saying something 'Esta muy verga' literally translates as "it's very penis" but the meaning is actually "this is really cool" however saying "Esta de la verga" which roughly translates as "it's penis-y" means "it's awful".

― ✖✖✖ (Moka), Friday, October 21, 2016 1:38 PM (thirteen minutes ago)

What thread's that from?

Azealia Banks

n.b. don't read it it's terrible

would you say esta de la verga?

It kinda swings back and forth between very penis and penis-y imo.

Can someone post a clusterfuck thread summary to the clusterfuck summary thread

trying and failing to find an inoffensive sofia vergara joke, walking away slowly

that that thread did not devolve into spanish-language insults traded by moka and jim is of great sadness to me