Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"im just really struugling with the glass ceiling at work"

"you need a taller door, dickweed"

"I'm sleeping with another giraffe, who looks exactly identical to both of us"

"I never thought putting an unplugged LCD television in the middle of our room would work - and I was right"

"Who's got a long neck and rams his TV table up against a couch? This guy!!!!"

"don't get short with me!!!!!"

"put some clothes on"

"Let's Neckflix and chill. Get it? Neck flix"

"Did you do something different with your tail? Come on Lisa.. Why won't you talk to me?? Oh yeah, giraffes can't talk"

"I'm not going to stick my neck out for the DNC when I can watch the convention from home"

"I am sick of not having balsamic vinegar"

I don't know how you can watch that garbage anyway... Come on, why are you being like this? I said I was sorry, and actually I think you'll find that "cow" is simply the correct term

Can we just watch more Friday Night Lights tonight? I know The Wire is good and all but I kind of just want to turn my brain off. You know? It's been a really hard day. I had accounting up my ass the entire day about some receipts I lost while I was at that conference in Philly. It's like, "guys, I will pay the thirteen dollars myself. You don't need to be such pricks about it." But no, they have to cross every T and dot every I. Seriously, I think they'd save money if they didn't have to chase down meaningless bullshit like this. So I had to e-mail the hotel and get them to FAX me the receipt. Fax, right? Can you believe it? In 20-goddamn-16? I couldn't even find the fax machine. I've been at that office for six years... and I'd never seen the fax machine. Did you buy more acacia leaves? That's what giraffes eat.

"Your neck is fine — all those actresses are just horses with spots painted on."

lol Will M

"Look I know the job search can feel overwhelming, but just start with the high-hanging fruit."

"I just voted you off the island"

"I feel that I should mention the elephant in the room."

"I only watch TV for the nature documentaries."

"I don't even own a television. Because I'm a fucking giraffe."

"If I see Jeremy Clarkson on TV again, I swear I'll put my foot through the screen."

"Where's the remote?"

"I told you we should have bought the three seater."

"I was thinking of buying an XBox One, but then I heard that the PVR functionality is crap. So I considered a PS4, but then I heard about the upgraded consoles that Microsoft and Sony are coming out with in a few months and thought I'd hold off a bit. Or do you think that I should buy an HTPC instead?"

"Can you adjust the Vertical Hold?"

'Where's Keith?'

"Is this 4K or only HD?"

"I told you that you should've used the wrist strap on the Wiimote."

"My penis is the size of a man's arm."

http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/160808_contest-690.jpg

The rankings overall for that contest, with the whale crushing the guy on the desert island were lower than usual. I don't think that's because less funny people entered the contest. I think it's due to the difficulty of captioning the particular image.

has any ilxor ever won? has any caption posted here ever been finalist?

Ahem

Well, the same one i posted

Was it that swimming pool one? I forget the name.

Six bullets/ nine lives cat mouse one iirc

Ah, right. Golden.

http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/170213_contest-690.jpg

Tempting but I've a new suit I'm trying to fit into

suit/fig leaf I spose

Who's 'mom'?

Show's yer pie.

Actually its a shepherd's pie

The shitty new yorker cartoon captions tumblr is killing it with this one

http://68.media.tumblr.com/36fea9606d1e176e3d27c65ac86125f4/tumblr_ol0kp0o5zs1qfvz38o1_400.png

https://twitter.com/delrayser/status/828711097729445888

Yep

xp I've never seen that tumblr, thank you for this amazing gift.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/eef073a0cf2d8c8d730d1f8edf14b46f/tumblr_ojmj9xKyd01qfvz38o1_400.png

an engaging takedown of NYer cartoons on noah berlatsky's site:
http://www.hoodedutilitarian.com/2012/10/new-yorker-cartoons-a-legacy-of-mediocrity/

takedown is in principle a noble project but needed a LOT more hard work than that guy put in

when truman capote worked as an office boy at the new yorker, one of his jobs was taking proposed cartoons out of the envelope and carrying them to the cartoon editor's office

when TC quit they discovered vast numbers of cartoons slipped behind some furniture in his office, which he had hidden there in his secret role as unofficial pre-editor of cartoons (so that the actual editor wouldn't look at them and approve them)

What an assholee..

ha!

mark you're right of course. i didn't mind that it's a takedown on technical/artistic merits rather than a journalistic expose (though that would have been great too) but yes i would have liked more explanation about what constitutes a bad "line" (for example). however i find it.. what.. salutary - in french i want to say "roboratif" - to be reminded of the essential frivolousness that lurks as girders beneath the new yorker's project