I'm sad

Meh...my wife is going to be gone until early June, so that sucks.

Upside - two of my best friends are in town for a week, my job is going well, and the weather rules. Also, I'm losing weight with relative ease due to some minor dietary changes (less caloric breakfast, MUCH less drinking).

So - about even keeled, but not for a lack of waves on the ocean of my life.

Ambivalently even-keeled. There you go.

I always feel sad for my parents when I leave as I know they are on their own now.

That's beautiful Ronan, it truly is.

sometimes you just have to do the sad, i was just thinking this

Since a bad head-cold a month ago, my tinnitus has gone from very mild and barely noticeable to full blown white noise thumping and screaming of bells in my ears, 94/7. Almost feels like my ears are going to explode off of my head.

I feel isolated and cranky and miserable.

I've been trying to engage thoughtfully and even sometimes cynically/stupidly on ILX for fun and don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

Life behind glass eh wot :( Fed up.

i bet you have a lot going for you other than your illness

I like to think so! I just feel bad that I'm letting it get to me to the point I'm not interested in much and I'm getting so grumpy! Ugh.

Aw Trayceface, that is dogballs. I have trained a wee gargoyle to sing 'Reach Out of the Darkness' by Friend & Lover while I play tambourine. If I were there I wld bring it and a punching bag bcz damn if that song doesn't make you want to take it out on people. Catharsis.

I think it's SO GROOVY NOW that people are FINALLY GETTING TOGETHER, Trayce.

*smack me, come on*

Hahahah <3 you Ab :)

:) :) :) :)

i want to cry cry cry cause i was in a small accident. cyclist drove against my car while i did a uturn. her mistake but i should have seen her coming. argh. :-(((( just want to crawl in a hole and cry. my dad demanded i did the uturn. didn't want to but did. partially my mistake. even though she shouldn't have been driving on the wrong side, i should have seen her coming. :-(((

Oh no Nath :( Is the cyclist ok at least?

Oh dear :(

I was walking home from work and I saw a guy playing with his dog in the park, looking exactly like my family's dog did when he was younger and healthier. Our dog died a couple weeks ago, but since I haven't been home it didn't really bother me so much until today, and now it's making me really sad.

I feel a little like this guy looks right now:

http://th01.deviantart.com/fs8/300W/i/2005/332/a/6/Who__s_a_Sad_Panda__by_moochacha26.jpg

it's because you miss gabbneb isn't it

I'm sorry, E. I was sad on Monday, but then I've spent the last two days being mad instead, and it's much nicer.

it's always satisfying to replace yr aimless depression with a nice productive rage

x-post Dammit I can't believe you saw through my well-crafted facade of elation but it's true. I miss Neb so much it hurts and I'm crying on the inside.

Aw, thanks Laurel. Mad is definitely better than sad but I'm not sure I can turn the sadness into anger in this situation.

it's funny, i do have a deeply set belief in this process -- turning fear, frustration or sadness into anger. not that i believe in doing it, just that i believe that a lot of people do it, as like a coping mechanism.

anyway, i'm sorry to hear you're sad E. i think a lot of people are sad, a lot of the time, and we use big words to try and explain it when really, it's just sad.

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y93/sheeshreally/pic_search.jpg

I feel that little guy right now.

Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm just in the middle of a v sad situation and trying to figure a way/things out etc. Not a lot to be angry about in regards to the particulars but maybe I can just find something else to be angry about and focus on that instead. Easier said than done though of course.

Am going to leave work early and go BBQ on some friends' roof deck. That should help alleviate the sadness until I find something to be angry about, huh?

its raining right now i guess jesus is sad :(

that will def help, E. bbq's, ya can't really go wrong with.

Hugs. Does a solution seem possible in the near future?

Once, when I had been sad for a really long time, I went to a bbq and ended up hanging out w a 7-yr-old girl who liked hugs and showing me her digital camera and running around the yard not talking to the boys. It was perfect. When I got home, I realized I had turned the corner to getting better. Maybe something like that will happen to you!

aww, that's kind of a sweet story

I often find it goes the other way - that anger you can do nothing about turns to sadness and crystallises into depression.

Aw, E., sad is a crummy and hard feeling. I wld help you w/a sadectomy if I could. You are a good lady and I think you are swell.

xp That's why it's anger. I always have a much better day without it.

I have a note from her on my computer, it says "Hi LaURaL FROm Elizabeth" but some of the letters are made wrong.

sad is relatively omnipresent, though. i think in order to be really happy, you have to learn how to face it head on. well, "you" meaning "me."

anger implies a certain amount of control to me. like when you push me to that point, i almost become very calm. a pinch of rage can help certain situations.

Better sad or angry than numb for me.

I guess that's true. Numb is bad news. Numb means "would die if I had the energy, instead I'll lie here and care about nothing and do nothing and turn off the phone and not even bother with email and not quite bother to cut myself, but only because I'm too lazy." Yeah those are bad days.

it's because you miss gabbneb isn't it

Gabbneb's gone? . . .

Again? . . .

So soon?

Wow. Sorry you're sad, btw. Sometimes it's best to channel your energy elsewhere (e.g., get angry); sometimes it's best to work through it. In that regard, a particular episode of Steinski's old radio show on WFMU, called On Sadness, has been helpful to me.

What about those days when you cannot stop weeping, no matter what you do? Can't function, can't cope, just cry your eyes out at anything and everything.

I think that's a girl thing.

it's always satisfying to replace yr aimless depression with a nice productive rage

i think i need to do this, but i don't have anything to rage at in my life! stuff like ahmadinejad stealing the election is too abstract and bizarre to make me properly angry.

Btw, ENBB, I didn't mean my above post to take lightly your sadness. I hope you feel chipper again, soon.

Oh, that's right. Coz boys... don't... cry...

(Wait, Robert Smith discussion was on the other thread. Sorry if joke falls flat, then. It's that kind of day.)

Not trying to be insulting about "girl thing," and not joking. If I cry my eyes out about anything, it's usually music or writing or something external that reaches in somehow. And that's not really "sad" as I understand it. It's extreme, but it's not exactly sadness. I'm present for that emotion. The worst is when I'm not there anymore.

I don't exactly know how, but I think girls have a different relationship to crying altogether.

Dunno, Kate. For me, I did the crying thing for a while, and then I hung out at that bbq and the next day I felt immensely tired of being so boring, so boring that I was boring myself. And it seemed really self-centered and I wanted to be able to look around and actually see things besides my sadness. From that point on, I got better pretty fast, I guess.

Weeping is usually either cathartic or it takes enough out of me physically/emotionally that it either leaves me kind of zoned out or asleep. I cannot even conceive of crying all day.

Neither can I conceive of it, until it happens. It's unstoppable, and will not be stemmed. And then I end up sleeping for several hours afterwards, like this afternoon.

Laurel, where can one find these life-affirming 7 year olds? That sounds awesome and they seem sadly lacking in my life.

Yeah, many of the 7 year olds I know make involuntarily think of reasons to support retroactive abortion.

I skip the crying, I guess, and go right for the sleeping. I know it's an unhappy sleeping when I don't want anyone next to me during it, not even the cat.

I wish I could skip the crying. My eyes look like two pissholes in the snow.

Fetal position or semi-fetal?

xpost

What a lurid image, Kate.

Welp, it's been a while since I've been to this state, but it's just been an unholy alliance of events this year.

*Lost two old friends, one to cancer, around the beginning of the year
*Watching both parents transform from the vibrant, stoic people I knew when I was a kid to a pair of morose, depressing incapable moochers (now into me for 3k).
*Aforementioned recent ladyfriend issues from another thread (not revisiting here)
*Having my Dad legitimately ask if he could come temporarily live with us by crashing on our couch in Feb (our condo is tiny - it would never work, I don't want him leaving my mother alone in another state, and no offense, but I don't want to live with him)
*Falling out of love with theatre, and also getting too busy with work, leading me to not do it as much the last two years, which leads me to see my friends less, as that's where they're mostly from
*Declining self-image

My friends have been great this go-round - I'm usually the low-maintenance friend who does his thing in silence or acts as the comforter, so I'm not used to flat out saying "I'm crashing", but they've heeded the call. Right now, though, I just feel largely taken for granted. I hate every time my folks text or call me, my first thought is "How much are they asking for now?". Or asking me to help them with every little thing, haranging me during work hours until I reply. Really think this stupid fiasco with the ladyfriend, during any other year, woulda been just a 'whatever', just really bad timing right now.

no real issues with anxiety, thankfully (tho I did have an attack two weeks ago where I felt faint). trying as much as I can to get myself out of the house and doing stuff, and it's helped, but I've also been drinking a lot more which I suspect has had a lot to do with the 'helping'.

I shouldn't be sad. My life is pretty awesome. I have a great job. So I feel guilty in being sad, but I dunno...want this month to be over.

better to feel sad when sad shit is happening than to try to bluster thru and let it fester. hope the bad things turn round soon, dude.

Yeah man, I'm sorry to hear about all of that. Any one element on its own would be enough, but everything at once can feel like too much to deal with.

thx guys. if this business trip to Cali pans out (and we're about three days delayed in getting the green light, so I'm nervous), think that may a perfect opportunity to get away from the madness.

Not panning out :/. Oh well. hanging with my best friend tomorrow at a video game bar, should be on the up and up soon.

thinking of taking my own vacation soon. just me.

finally gave up trying to deny or force myself to be happy, just let the misery out again today. feels a bit better. going to perform for a breast cancer benefit in a bit, should help.

after that, there's a party I want to go to (this local burlesque troupe made up of friends of mine hosting) as there's someone there I want to meet, but I'm afraid as someone that may be there might act as a negative trigger for me. so...who knows.

getting there!

hugs. have fun at the benefit!

Thanks. totally did. it was a pretty uplifting affair, many of us adults performed but it was the kids' night through and through and it was great seeing a bunch of young talent run the show.