suicide

dammit wrong thread

Don't do it bro

lol

sorry - just read the previous revive and literally LOLd

also I am clearing out bookmarks not bumping this for any other reason just to be clear

Don't do it, sis

wouldn't normally ask a irl question on ilx but not sure what to do. a friend of mine, not someone i know for a long time or necessarily that well, but someone i am close enough to, texted me to say she intends to kill herself when she gets back from a holiday she's currently on with her dad.

i'm fairly far out of my depth but i figure the best thing to do is to suggest speaking to a professional person while also being loosely positive without getting into specific responses to any of the negative things she's saying (issues with romantic relationships with people i've never met etc)

i am away myself at the moment which complicates things, but when i get home i've offered to go along and wait outside if she sees a counsellor, or arrange a call. i figure also i should try to find numbers of other older friends, or perhaps family, but i am kind of at a loss about where that becomes a betrayal of trust?

she has agreed to meet for a coffee on sunday - again i don't know whether me asking her not to do anything between now and then is dangerous or puts pressure on her. anyone got any advice or experience - i've never really been in this situation before. i tried googling and looking at samaritans etc and the advice was all for less acute situations, or so it seemed to me anyway.

i mean obv i credit you with knowing how to read a situation well, but theres no chance this is a dramatic turn of phrase as opposed to a statement of actual intent?

no, i really don't think so. like i hoped so at first but it seems really serious and dark.

I can’t offer you any advice except to say this is shit & to ask if you have seen this Mind booklet?
https://www.mind.org.uk/media/5452271/how-to-support-someone-who-feels-suicidal-2017.pdf

then yeah tbh the support youve offered seems a good move

i figure also i should try to find numbers of other older friends, or perhaps family, but i am kind of at a loss about where that becomes a betrayal of trust?

i dont know where one draws the line in "could make a bad situation worse" and obv there could be circumstances where this is v egregiously the wrong thing to do but ...... id be doing this i think

No experience to offer fh but good wishes - I feel like texting this far in advance at least suggests an openness to dialogue? Not saying she’s fishing to be talked down or whatever but just putting myself in that position & wondering why bother texting if ur gonna just do it

That’s what I thought too. I have been suicidal in the past and would not have wanted someone to stop me so I wouldn’t have said anything. Which is not the same as her not being in a very bad place. I think it’s positive if you are reaching out and not shutting yourself off.

she said she has told her dad - i don't know him obv but it sounds like this hasn't helped to change her mind. she said she will talk to crisis tho she has decided to do it, because it might at least give her a second opinion. it is a bit odd as it's someone i met in a pub and we became quite good friends quickly but mostly due to sarcasm/cynicism and a few drunken nights out. hadn't spoken in a couple of months, plus i am a good few time zones today. i might focus for the moment on suggesting we meet sunday as a sort of neutral/positive way of saying not to do anything. thanks for the help. i think i'll also mail samaritans and ask their advice.

xpost yeah wins/gyac i am hoping the same. and also not sure i'd be the person texted either, but obv fairly scary, not least since i am several timezones away and not exactly rock solid with my own mental health.

xxp yes but also, she is currently on holidays with her dad? I would possibly not do this if she’s texting someone else (&presumably not telling her actual family member), possible there’s other stuff going on there that could make the situation worse. Anyway, that’s enough from me and I hope it works out somehow.

that’ll teach me to ignore the “too slow” warning. Ok, that is good to hear!

1-800-273-8255

yeah i know thats all possible/true, gyac

focus on sunday fh, that seems a solid positive.

xp. fuck sake, whiney

best wishes to you and your friend, FH.

Whiney otm. Call them and see what official protocol is.

https://www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/suicidal-thoughts-how-to-support-someone

This is a good and relevant organisation

thanks all.

FH my advice to you would be:

1. Keep checking in on your friend until she's back
2. Tell her that you're glad she told you, and you don't want her to die, and that you want to help her get through this, and that you believe in her and that she is stronger than these feelings.
3. Provide your friend with help-line information but do not do so in a way that suggests that you're trying to pass the buck, suicidality is immensely exacerbated by feelings of loneliness and isolation.
4. If you have a friend who works in mental health-- a therapist or a social worker or really anyone with experience in this-- ask your friend-who-is-suicidal if it'd be OK that you speak to that friend, and perhaps try and arrange a meeting with the three of you when you get back.

In my experience, suicidality is hugely caused by outside forces-- financial troubles, professional troubles, relationship troubles, drug or alcohol troubles. Having a friend and a third party (somebody with mental health care experience) sit down with you and try and help would be (and has been) my best-case help-situation for people going through this. Oftentimes the person-who-is-suicidal, in my experience, doesn't really need therapy so much as they need to stop drinking/doing drugs, or to get out of a toxic relationship, or they just need some distraction from a recent traumatic event.

*when she gets back, that is

1. Keep checking in on your friend until she's back

This can't be said enough. A sense of islotaion is overwhelming w acute suicidal ideation. Even if she doesn't want to talk and doesn't take your call—just seeing that you tried can be reassuring.

Best wishes, FH.

All the best, FH

Spoke to my friend today and she seemed a lot better, said she felt a lot lighter after speaking to people yesterday. I mailed Samaritans for advice on protocol, gotta say their response was a bit generic. If it happened when I was in the UK I would just phone I guess.

Still, it seems like things are better today, thanks again, all.

glad to hear FH, you’re a good friend.

nearer my god to thee

Sup buck

sorry. stupid. i'll live

You better, friend.

A low but sufficient bar for today hoss

^^

<3

I won't, I can't, I promise

but my head is screaming with it

so weird and stupid to be trained to deal with this shit in others and then to sit staring the logic of it in the face

horrible aggressive assault on the people that care about you but how hard your brain tries to convince you that it isn't

sorry I just had to stare at the words, delete thread

<3

you're one of my favorite posters, NV. ... of course we can't actually have a beer and hug and hang and make jokes about albums by bands and gazprom ... but I'd like to think that some day, maybe?

aw man. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. my laser cannon of posi vibes is aimed at u, nv 🌈

i fucking love having you around & as such i demand that you continue to hang around to fulfill my selfish needs <3

I'm sorry you're struggling, NV. You're a good dude. I'm still living with constant ideation myself, so I know how much it drags you down, and if there's anything I can do to help then please let me know.

Thanks all ❤️

big love to you nv, sincerely wishing you the strength to survive all the bullshit

NV, echoing others words. I love yr insights in the football threads and yr dry wit. I'm glad you will be with us, but I hope you can find some peace with the shit that is eating you :(

My love to you NV, I always hate to see ILXors suffering.

tons of love to u NV