itt: consternation and wailing about Zach Snyder's upcoming SUPERMAN/BATMAN film/sequel to MAN OF STEEL -- official title: BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

(he's being sarcastic btw)

Heath ledger was the only good thing about any of those nolan batmovies

i get the feeling a lot of critics are just sick to death of superheroes and this movie just happens to come along at the right moment for the big kicking.

Wow I never thought I'd see a Supes movie that made me pine for Superman 4 but this was it

This was one of the worst piles of garbage ever. Interestingly enough only a fraction of the crowd cheered at the end.

Superman is basically a narcissistic dimwit who along with Batman is comically bad at his job.

xxp Cillian Murphy was pretty good!

Lex Luthor ...I have no idea what Eisenberg was doing.

they should bring back Nuclear Man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mor3k9UVQe4

Suck on that, Marvel. After this, can Justice League v The Avengers be far behind?

lol Travers. i mean this shit will make money but i don't think anybody at Marvel is doing much more than giggling at that notion.

this shit was about as fun as watching live coverage of The Tortoise vs The Hare from the perspective of the Tortoise

the reason Bat gives for wanting to turn Superman's head into a tetherball is puzzling and makes no sense either. like it sounded like something that Dirty Harry woulda said.

I saw someone compare this to Showgirls.

wait then I would love it?

the Superman fucking Lois in the tub scene is hilarious though. a classic example of Supes misreading the room, assessing Lois's emotionally raw recollection of being taken hostage and a bunch of civilians dying, while ruminating on whether their relationship was appropriate, and interpreting that to mean "dogg I wanna get fucked, now"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwXfv25xJUw&feature=player_embedded

I was expecting more of a trainwreck. This was just normal shitty blockbuster bad...which might be worse in a way. No fun freeze puns to latch onto. Just a lot of scowling and CGI turd golems.

I like this also, getting into the mythologies and theologies that the DC characters have but that the filmmakers have clearly no idea what to do with, or even how to present:

http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2016/03/24/batman-v-superman-a-muddled-myth

Then again, once can’t be surprised when the filmmakers’ take on the DC mythology is less like an extrapolation of meaning, and more like a greatest hits album where every track is bad, or worse yet, a skit.

Everything in that article is otm. Particularly Superman's obsession with his public perception. The dude basically demonizes Batman simply as a means of transferring his own guilt.

Even after a key failing of Supes that results in civilian deaths his lament is more his personal failure than any sorrow over lost lives.

Seeing my FB feed full of normally astute friends who nitpicked the fuck out of other superior films and loved this is depressing, though seeing one of my neediest besties and his lovely wife call this shit out made me smile.

Whoa what an autocorrect - nerdiest not "neediest"

kingfish, re performative gestures against juvenile cultural hegemony:

change your pajamas

Chucks Kryptonite (or whatev the fuck that fake metal is called) @ this thread.

I don't even OWN pajamas

Hey now, I haven't worn pajamas since getting a Fallout 4 fleece jumpsuit/onesie for Xmas. Shit is so supremely comfortable I'm getting far more use out of it than I did the game it was licensed from. The extended PacNW winter this year means I'm wearing it longer.

8) That even holy of holies Neal deGrasse Tyson has his price.

9) That Soledad O’Brien is dead. She just has to be.

10) That Jeremy Irons has finally achieved Full Karloff.

http://somecamerunning.typepad.com/some_came_running/2016/03/ten-things-i-learned-watching-batman-v-superman-dawn-of-justice.html

http://jezebel.com/ben-affleck-looks-so-sad-next-to-all-these-bad-reviews-1767059510

http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--mGv5IGM2--/vbkuoshjnkjrwntmojjl.jpg

oh my god you aren't kidding

http://store.bethsoft.com/vault-111-fleece-jumpsuit.html

omg guys this movie is fantastic

nah jk it's a hateful, joyless, nonsensical bucket of shit

the whole of the third act could have been avoided if batman was just a bit more diligent about picking up after himself

reading reviews of this one is making me glad i didn't even bother with the first.

My earliest superhero memory that I can summon up with any clarity was watching the Richard Donner Superman with my dad, and there’s this amazing shot after Pa Kent dies. It’s Clark standing in a wheat field with Ma Kent talking about how it's time for him to go, to be Superman. My dad, in a not-infrequent moment of poignancy says "People say it’s the yellow sun, but if you want to know where Superman really gets his power, it’s those fields."

http://www.polygon.com/2016/3/24/11299874/you-dont-have-to-see-batman-v-superman-dawn-of-justice

Kermode really doesn't like it at all and even Mayo joins in with the kicking of Eisenberg.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1kyzE2We_8

http://youtu.be/cwXfv25xJUw

There's nothing more telling about this movie than the fact that a major moment literally hinges on a character noticing a jar of urine

for what feels like an eternity, at that.

and then of course what happened 2 minutes later was not only obvious, it was a page stolen from TDK.

who would win?

Michael Shannon:
"I’m so utterly unconcerned with the outcome of that fight. So profoundly, utterly unconcerned. I can’t even come up with a fake answer. I guess I have to root for Superman because he killed me, so I would hope that he would continue his killing spree and become like a serial killer Superman. That’s a new take on Superman. We’d all be in a heap of trouble if Superman was a serial killer. He could just wipe us all out. But then he’d be lonely."

Isn’t he already lonely?

"Well, we’re all lonely."

http://www.vulture.com/2016/03/batman-superman-who-would-win.html

dead Michael Shannon gets a few minutes of screen time in this one

fuck this spoiler nonsense, can people who spent money on this horseshit please spoil it for me and everyone else? I just want highlights for cultural cache.

SPOILER: Batman and Superman fight

life is full of surprises

Peter Labuza ‏@labuzamovies
BATMAN V SUPERMAN (Snyder, 16) Replaces Nolan's faux-realism with fascistic nihilism, exposing a decade of genre bullshit...a...good movie.

fuck this spoiler nonsense, can people who spent money on this horseshit please spoil it for me and everyone else? I just want highlights for cultural cache.

― ulysses, Friday, March 25, 2016 4:16 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ok, you have been warned! (spoilers below)

*the reason Batman and Supes start fighting is cos Lex kidnapped Supes' mom
*the reason they stop fighting is Supes says "save Martha" which is also Batman's mom's name and he wonders why he's saying that. once he realizes his mom is kidnapped he suddenly joins Supes for no good reason.
*Batman kills a lot of dudes in this one, at one point just to steal Kryptonite so he can kill Superman
*Batman's reason for killing Superman = "he could kill us all, and even if there's a 1% threat of that happening, you have to eliminate it"
*all Perry does is bitch that Clark Kent wrote nothing about the football team
*at one point Batman has a nightmare that he's losing a war to a bunch of insect-men with Supermen logo on their clothing

ok i think i have to see this movie even though i know it won't even be enjoyably batshit

oh and the Senate has hearings about Superman - hmmm does that sound familiar?

why are batman and superman fighting over martha kent? Luthor is blackmailing superman to fight him?

do they give the "1% thread" argument any real support? Is this whole thing a hamfisted metaphor for homeland security? or is it just action figures go bang bang now we fight cuz it's in the title?

MORE SPOILERS
http://www.vulture.com/2016/03/batman-v-superman-jimmy-olsen-dead.html

a quick readthru of the martha wayne wiki-entry suggests few characters have ever been retconned so confusingly and stupidly
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Wayne

Morrison chief amongst the plaintiffs named

In Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5, the detective hired by the Kanes to investigate Martha Wayne's murder is revealed as Batman himself, turned amnesiac as he leaps through time under Darkseid's Omega Effect. His 'investigations' are influenced by the Black Glove organization as they attempt to use him as a sacrifice in a ritual while planting evidence to frame the Wayne family for debauchery.

do they give the "1% thread" argument any real support?

even Alfred chastises him and says "He (Superman) is not our enemy", and that's when Wayne pulls out the whole "ehh man, but he could be one day, and do we want to take that chance" BS, which really kinda sounded like a Ted Cruz-ism.

yet Batman isn't left or right wing, he's just, well, dumb.

Ulysses, check out that birthmoviesdeath link I posted upthread, that gets into a lot of it.

http://www.cinemablend.com/m/new/Batman-V-Superman-Drops-Another-Darkseid-Hint-See-It-Now-108197.html

There's something amusing in the fact that WB/DC uses their attempt to hotshot their own Avengers flick by hinting at their cosmic mega villain coming in a future installment, said villain being a Thanos-level dude who Jim Starlin just xeroxed Thanos from originally.

Also, if Darkseid is coming, can we look forward to more New Gods/Fourth World/Apokalips stuff? Will these guys be able to beat GotG at getting pure uncut Kirby cosmic jive onscreen?