hey gawker dudes. what the fuck is wrong with you?

raisins are gross tbh

I used to like yogurt raisins in the early '90s.

Raisin Bran?? Raisin bread??

This is the most offensive thing Jordan has written on gawker

the raisin was the worst thing i ate in this series

my raisin experience is similar to Alfred's, too many novelty raisin concoctions in my youth and I can't imagine buying them now

The yogurt coating: Sugar, Partially Hydrogenated Palm Kernel Oil, Nonfat Milk Powder, Yogurt Powder, Whey, Titanium Dioxide, Soy Lecithin, Vanilla, Confectioners Glaze, Corn Syrup, Dextrin, and Maltodextrin

i ate a trail mix of raisins and nuts for lunch for most of 2015 AMA

ok i saw the story, what the hell kind of life have you led J0rdan

wait many smoothies have banana in them, had you not eaten a banana or _any_ banana product

i had the same question, only about Runts (tm)

(i realize there is no actual food in runts, but i just mean the flavor)

it's hard to avoid banana, my friend who is allergic ends up vomiting with extreme force every couple years after a banana sneaks in

is this part of pareene's cool political content masterplan?

He has his raisins

loool

what happens to viral content deferred / does it dry up / like a video on a gawker subsite

I poured myself a bowl of cereal, adding banana slices on top. Not so bad.

how is this a real human being? someone detonate a car bomb in 'flatiron'

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, May 12, 2010 9:47 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is so mind-blowing to me

"taste's very strange!"

lool my gf's 33 year old cousin cousin is like this. we were eating GRAPES and he was like 'never ate one of those, what do they taste like'. his mother: 'yeah, i tried to feed him a grape when he was 3 years old and he didn't like them' and we're like '... and you never tried a grape again?'

I haven't tried ketchup since I was in elementary school. I've eaten food with ketchup-based sauces, but I don't dump a blob of Heinz on my burger or anything. I'm not concerned about what I may be missing. I was a finicky kid. I first tried pizza at age 23.

his mother: 'yeah, i tried to feed him a grape when he was 3 years old and he didn't like them' and we're like '... and you never tried a grape again?'

this was me & oranges until very recently tbh

i'd had orange juice though

wait many smoothies have banana in them, had you not eaten a banana or _any_ banana product

― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, February 11, 2016 11:03 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark

yeah i mostly knew what banana tasted like, from smoothies certainly

Oranges are so good and such a pain in the ass to eat.

I loaded this thread up from "my recent posts" and it kind of felt like one of those dreams where everybody else is speaking english except you

I don't know man, this kinda freaks me out but it's going to be hard to post here about why without sounding really, really judgey about you and your parents and I don't want to do that because that sounds mean- but . . . like . . . I'm baffled- how were you allowed to grow up without tasting these things?

I guess my gut reaction rests on some shitty assumptions that I ought to rethink, such as:

the best people eat the widest variety of possible things (i.e. the more different kinds of foods you've tried, the more "sophisticated" / "cosmopolitan" / "worldly" / "experienced" you are- and it's better to be those things than to eat only a relatively narrow sector)

parents are responsible for making their children love variety because loving variety is itself better than only loving a relatively small number of things- and there's some kind of ethical/political dimension to the cultivation of that very love- it's a kind of openness to the world itself in which you incorporate the things of the world into your body- to dislike a food is to deny the validity of the culture from which it emanates or the lifeways that produced it (therefore liberal tolerance and "foodie" identity reinforce each other in a marketplace of smug / enlightened neocolonial consumption of other lands)

"picky eating" must be overcome through parenting in which it's not optional to refuse to try a food (on the negative side, I heard the mantra "you don't have to like it, you just have to eat it" MANY times as a child, on the "positive" side, as a child I was rewarded for academic achievements by being allowed to go to various ethnic restaurants which were described to me as the precious terrain of adults- so to become an adult for me MEANT being finally being allowed to eat at, say, the Burmese place or whatever- i.e. my very sense of what it meant to develop into a successful grown up was tethered to the idea that you're supposed to never stop trying things you haven't tried yet, and the more you've tried, the better you are, and life is this attempt to fill in the world map of food with ever more precision)

looking at what I've typed above I can see how self-serving / precious / narcissistic it sounds, and how it basically consigns all people who stick to a religious diet / are kosher / are vegan / are allergic / whatever to some kind of benighted darkness as unenlightened and provincial or in some way inhibited souls

SO . . .

I guess this means that I have to rethink my own shitty attitudes about food snobbery, so thank you for being honest about the fact that you lived for 27 years on planet Earth without eating a banana

it looks like most of the foods jordan has never tried are like fruits and desserts? i don't really eat much fruit these days and could go years w/o dessert so i guess this isn't totally weird to me?

reminds me of

TIFU by enraging the parents of my girlfriend by pretending not to know what a potato is.
submitted 1 year ago by NotKnowPotatox4

Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
When I saw that baked potatoes were served I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes was. That would be funny.
Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I'll tell you how.
So first when the potato became on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked "This looks very interesting. What is this?"
They stared at me and the mother said "It's a baked potato." And I was saying "Oh, interesting, a baked....what is it again?"
And she was like "A potato."
And I was like "A 'potato', oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good."
And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what is a potato. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a potato is.
They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.
This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my "fucked up antics", and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when them parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.
Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're fucking with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don't know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don't know what to tell you."
Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said "Taste's very strange!"
That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying "What are you doing?" and my girlfriend went to some other room.
Finally the father said I should "Get the fuck out of his house" and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn't take that kindly.
Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don't know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don't know what a potato is.
I wish I never started it but I can't go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.

never forget

I didn't have a great many things in childhood due to my parents not reaching far beyond their upbringing with food but there are few things I avoid these days. My mom didn't like brussels sprouts or beets so the few times she prepared them it was a frozen/canned variety. I am cool with them now.

I have some distaste for raw tomato, outside of salsa or other preparations, but I have other relatives with the same thing and it might be an actual food sensitivity. I try a Bloody Mary once every couple years since the concept sounds great, never drank even half of any of them

At some point in my teens milk became gross as hell and I never drink it but love fermented/cultured dairy

I was super picky and my parents were big on the working-class '80s diet of carbs and sugar, worked full time and had had working mothers. There was no culinary tradition for them to pick up (pretty sure I never saw either grandma cook, and my grandfather only ever grilled) and no pushing for healthy foods even beyond my picky eating.

They still don't understand how I can enjoy broccoli/beets/etc. these days.. I only have fond memories of my mom cooking three things - drop biscuits, bacon and tomato sandwiches and crock pot roast with potatoes and carrots. No seasoning or spices or anything, just potatoes and carrots.

Looking back I feel like some of the pickiness was justified by a lot of the food being crap - meatloaf made with ketchup and a packet of onion soup mix still sounds completely disgusting to me, I never touched seafood until I started working at a seafood restaurant - but that's because 10-year old me only knew seafood as Long John Silver's and that wasn't an option after I broke open a filet that hadn't been properly deveined, etc..

You people that never tried a common fruit until your 30s really creep me the fuck out

I'm 27 and if I ever ate a banana it was before age 5. I plan to hold out until Tropical Race 4 wipes out the cavendish.

I used to eat peanut butter but sometime around age 20 I decided it sucked
I don't like nuts in general.

I ate some durian ice cream once, during my military career. It was edible but not good.
I don't get the love for peaches.

there are stories of the magical bananas of yore before everything got monocultured, which is a different thing, but i feel like modern bananas have become noticeably worse in the last maybe 20 years? every once in a while i'll have one and it's invariably not good

tbrr onion soup mix as a flavoring ingredient is good

"picky eating" must be overcome through parenting in which it's not optional to refuse to try a food

I gotta tell you, I was firmly in this camp til I became the step parent of an INSANELY picky-eater child. He wont touch things if theyre the wrong brand or opened upside-down, ffs. He prety much lives on cheese, corn chips, grapes and bananas. Trying anything new causes a major sobbing meltdown. Ive never seen anything like it and it is so frustrating. I mean we try the "well its that or nothing" route but then he just doesnt eat, and man, ya cant do that to a skinny 8 year old with celiac :/

...anyway, way off topic lol sorry

"picky eating" must be overcome

oh come on, who gives a shit.

it's picky drinkers that need to be slapped. fight the real enemy.

most food is terrible anyways

the end

my mom actually tried to set the record straight on facebook. she said:

"To be clear, he was raised by parents who offered a variety of foods.....his father is a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America after all!"

"Funny for a kid who took beets for lunch in preschool"

i only recently ate beets on my own like... several months ago

i legit feel bad for you dude. beets are the very stuff dreams are made of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAQSZhazYk8

costco has these love beets that i love

the love beets with the cheese and the crackers and the little plastic fork are my A+ for real list junk food dressed up for yuppies who are too smart for junk food

My sister is like this. She has like seven things that she'll eat and can't even deal with stuff beyond that. She can't even be in the same room as someone who's cooking eggs, for example.

Yeah, I'm not a parent so it's very fucking easy for me to type the words "picky eating must be overcome through parenting" because I'm not going to be faced with a crying child- I predict that if I were, my whole you-will-eat-this-or-nothing tough talk would fly out the window.

I can only recall one situation where my refusal to eat dinner meant that the cold remains of last night's dinner were the mandatory breakfast the next morning (which really sucked, not saying this was a good idea)

mostly I've always just been a voracious eater of everything in sight, and while there are things I don't like (baked beans are my nemesis), I'm otherwise an omnivore, and I go in for eating weird shit that most people aren't down with: i've had whalemeat in Iceland and grasshoppers in Mexico and raw horse sashimi in Japan. The only thing that I was not into: once in Japan we were brought on a platter a fish that had been carved into sashimi WHILE IT WAS STILL ALIVE AND GASPING AND MOVING ITS MOUTH. That was too much for me. We told them to go ahead and kill it completely.

a list of food i will likely not eat but might if they're made by someone who really knows what they're doing but otherwise probably not:

extremity, genital and offal related meats: prairie oysters, chitlins, pigs/chicken feet, headcheese, etc
things made with effluvia: birds nest soup, blood sausage, whatever kinda weird cow semen taco you got that's gonna be a no
greek yogurt (this one sucks because i love it but i figured out it fucks me up real bad and causes a few hours of violent stomach cramps)
things served live: crustaceans by and large are fine, but i am not down with your ikizukuri gasping flash fried fish or oldboy style octopus
things that i have been socially indoctrinated not to eat: no dog, no cat, no horse, no gerbil, basically none of the littlest pet shop food groups
birds of prey
most anything semi-regularly bipedal: kangaroos, gorillas, teenagers, pangolins, ASIMO (notable exception: ratites)
cinnamon challenge
probably reptile, i dunno, i reserve the right to change my mind
heavy mayonnaise on basically anything
anything where i'm concerned the people prepping or serving the food have seriously questionable hygiene
szechuan cooking tends not to agree with me. i think it is probably the chili oil and it is a bummer because the food tastes great and then fucks me up
crrrrrrrrraaazy food where the real benefit of the food is the shock value that i'm eating slugs wrapped in squid tentacles or whatever
creatine
been in the purse too long candy
anything where no one is entirely clear wtf the thing is that's being eaten: mystery "fish", pizza with chopped something on top, street hot dogs

so to review:
Whalemeat - i guess
grasshoppers - yeah, done that before, insects as long as they're not live are protein but please remove leg/wings
horse sashimi - no
baked beans - good by me

i don't think i have food that i don't eat because i don't like the taste; it's just that i have a mental or physical aversion

probably reptile, i dunno, i reserve the right to change my mind

alligator is good