God bless the goddamn Onion

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I hope the Onion homepage has a keypad and "PRESS ONE FOR ENGLISH" on it for a week

we salute you, our half-inflated dark lord (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 8 February 2016 19:16 (ten years ago)

https://twitter.com/the_intercept/status/699700005628674053 hmmmmmm

lazy rascals, spending their substance, and more, in riotous living (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:14 (ten years ago)

well it is pretty weak

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:30 (ten years ago)

Feels like there have been a bit too many of these kind of things lately:

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/top-advantages-ditching-cable-52372

I get that they have to make money and it feels weird to complain about the journalistic objectivity of the onion, but still

silverfish, Wednesday, 17 February 2016 15:06 (ten years ago)

three weeks pass...

dying: http://www.theonion.com/article/noam-chomsky-announces-las-vegas-residency-52508

i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:09 (ten years ago)

ok i lol'd @ “I’m so excited—I’ve been into Chomsky since college,” said 49-year-old Boise, ID social worker Karen Wenning

Mordy, Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:12 (ten years ago)

Wow:

Drone Places Fresh Kill On Steps Of White House

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:18 (ten years ago)

i guess Hil's big donor hasn't trussed em up yet

http://www.theonion.com/article/clinton-throws-flash-grenade-divert-attention-ques-52499

we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 March 2016 21:24 (ten years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/i-would-die-2-know-52896

ejemplo (crüt), Monday, 9 May 2016 19:29 (ten years ago)

like rupert murdoch, the onion's scott dikkers is calling it for captain combover ~ seriously

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/confidential/onion-founder-thinks-trump-faked-lawyer-article-1.2644422?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link

reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 22 May 2016 20:11 (ten years ago)

I really like The Hard Times:

http://thehardtimes.net/2016/05/26/crust-punk-squatting-in-white-house-for-15-years-now-legally-president/

a man a plan alive (man alive), Thursday, 26 May 2016 22:12 (ten years ago)

lol

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 27 May 2016 23:52 (ten years ago)

three weeks pass...

are there several levels of satirical remove here or are the onion really just letting angry nerds go on goofy rants

http://www.starwipe.com/article/fuck-3151

lazy rascals, spending their substance, and more, in riotous living (Merdeyeux), Friday, 17 June 2016 13:29 (nine years ago)

It may be a 'sex house'-style thing? Or not.

http://www.starwipe.com/article/seriously-what-are-we-even-doing-3137

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 17 June 2016 13:34 (nine years ago)

those were helpfully informative stories.

thrusted pelvis-first back (ulysses), Friday, 17 June 2016 13:47 (nine years ago)

Hits too close to home:
Coworker With Two Computer Screens Not Fucking Around

Dan I., Friday, 17 June 2016 21:25 (nine years ago)

They even got me on the tabs, jesus

Dan I., Friday, 17 June 2016 21:26 (nine years ago)

I'm getting RSI just by looking at that elbow position

kinder, Friday, 17 June 2016 21:33 (nine years ago)

The genius of the onion has always been the ability to spot a cliche before you did

blazed carrot (rip van wanko), Friday, 17 June 2016 21:34 (nine years ago)

one month passes...

they're really going to miss joe biden, three nibs in one day!

http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-chokes-while-describing-hardworking-american-53364

http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-regales-dnc-story-80s-girl-band-vixen-breaki-53366

http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-busted-dnc-parking-lot-selling-bootleg-im-he-53360

if you've never done so, i highly recommend reading every article in the onion's joe biden tag.

Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Thursday, 28 July 2016 12:14 (nine years ago)

I will miss Diamond Joe

circa1916, Thursday, 28 July 2016 14:25 (nine years ago)

me too, i fucking love all those pieces.

Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Thursday, 28 July 2016 14:33 (nine years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/onions-full-coverage-joe-bidens-2016-dnc-speech-53368

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 28 July 2016 14:48 (nine years ago)

yeah i just toured through a few, they're so frikkin funny

jason waterfalls (gbx), Thursday, 28 July 2016 15:43 (nine years ago)

four weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/article/37-year-old-makes-absolutely-heartbreaking-last-di-53535

me

, Thursday, 25 August 2016 11:30 (nine years ago)

Lol yes

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Thursday, 25 August 2016 12:05 (nine years ago)

ha so many of my students like 21 pilots and play it in my room at club meetings and im like *waiting for an opportunity to play beyonce again*

6 god none the richer (m bison), Friday, 26 August 2016 02:54 (nine years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/article/case-mr-kerry-give-me-case-demands-malaysian-ambas-53916

pretty sure whoever does the photoshop work at the onion has the most fun job in america

iatee, Monday, 12 September 2016 14:36 (nine years ago)

six months pass...

this kind of dark pathos is my favorite onion layer:
http://www.theonion.com/graphic/kid-with-rough-home-life-gives-mickey-extra-long-h-34788

Spencer Chow, Friday, 31 March 2017 20:56 (nine years ago)

I still laugh the hardest at mundane shit like this (which they seem to be doing less of these days, what with Trump and all):

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/dogs-eye-gunk-wiped-back-dog-55523

some sad trombone Twilight Zone shit (cryptosicko), Friday, 31 March 2017 21:15 (nine years ago)

that's amazing

Spencer Chow, Friday, 31 March 2017 21:49 (nine years ago)

two months pass...

Have been giggling over this for a good five minutes now:

http://theonion.tumblr.com/post/161320306119/maybe-shell-be-attractive-later-say-citizens

some sad trombone Twilight Zone shit (cryptosicko), Thursday, 1 June 2017 17:05 (nine years ago)

What is wrong with the left that they think these sorts of things are funny? https://t.co/sAxON5xxmh

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) June 1, 2017

Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 1 June 2017 21:40 (nine years ago)

one month passes...

U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths https://t.co/sGdpBBF7WI pic.twitter.com/YzdPH8Ioin

— The Onion (@TheOnion) July 4, 2017

Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 5 July 2017 19:59 (eight years ago)

i have to say, it's pretty amazing that a humor institution like this has kept up a fair level of quality for so long. SNL has kind of always been crap but it's especially bad now, Simpsons are obviously awful now, etc. it's not quite as acerbic as it used to be but still

global tetrahedron, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:01 (eight years ago)

i think their peak was when they really devoted themselves to the videos a few years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs

global tetrahedron, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:02 (eight years ago)

Sometimes I think of an old Onion headline and google it to remind myself and they're pushing 20 years old at this point.

joygoat, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:12 (eight years ago)

i dunno maybe i'm getting out of touch, i remember national lampoon seeming pretty dated when i had some of their stuff as a kid

global tetrahedron, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:28 (eight years ago)

one of my favorite ever headlines, and possibly my first encounter with the onion, is "local lutheran minister loves to fuck his wife" and that'll be 20yrs old in november and it's still funny to me

gbx, Friday, 14 July 2017 23:52 (eight years ago)

they're over 20 for sure! I just looked up the earliest I remember my brother bringing home from college - "Christ Returns to NBA" and it's 1996. hard to believe that photoshop lolz are older than college students now.

﴿→ ☺ (Doctor Casino), Friday, 14 July 2017 23:58 (eight years ago)

two weeks pass...

you've all seen this right

http://www.theonion.com/trumpdocuments

bannon and carson pages have just about ended me. daily briefings too

imago, Wednesday, 2 August 2017 22:26 (eight years ago)

three weeks pass...

Ugh, AVClub assimilation into Kinja is a mess.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 24 August 2017 12:07 (eight years ago)

otm rip an era

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 24 August 2017 22:13 (eight years ago)

Feel like I could probably autogenerate an AV Club comment section for an article by now, tbh.

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 August 2017 07:00 (eight years ago)

Day three and it's still a travesty.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 25 August 2017 13:54 (eight years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/M5qDkQRl.png

lol i was reading an article on a new movie and realized the main text was taking up less than 1/4th the available screen space

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 30 August 2017 21:14 (eight years ago)

that's some good-ass kinja

-_- (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 30 August 2017 21:15 (eight years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/article/white-house-not-geologic-era-debate-gun-control-57108

the general theme of STUFF (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 4 October 2017 14:46 (eight years ago)

two weeks pass...

WHY MIGRATE THE ARCHIVES TO KINJA WHY WHY WHY

bodak horseman (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 24 October 2017 14:05 (eight years ago)


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