http://i.imgur.com/eXy0yjy.jpg
― I might like you better if we Yelped together (Phil D.), Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:28 (eight years ago) link
tell me what's gauche, guy who calls a grocery store "the market" then tells me to wear Kenneth Cole shoes
― rip van wanko, Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:35 (eight years ago) link
was gonna say kenneth cole so f'n basic
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:35 (eight years ago) link
17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:17 (eight years ago) link
serving honeydew melon, uniform shape notwithstanding, is the not-knowing-your-spouse's-exact-shoe-specifications of the modern era. everyone but the most gauche of simpletons should know this
― all my friends are vampires (art), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:21 (eight years ago) link
modern man's a baller putting melons on the boards
― too young for seapunk (Moodles), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:23 (eight years ago) link
i want the author to explain this article. he seems to be an amalgamation of 3 or 4 different (modern, apparently) men with wildly different personalities
― 1997 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:24 (eight years ago) link
WHO ARE YOU, BRIAN LOMBARDI?!?!
http://static01.nyt.com/images/2015/10/02/fashion/02MODERNMAN/02MODERNMAN-master180.jpg
― 1997 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:25 (eight years ago) link
of DeKalb, Illinois, home base of the modern man
― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:25 (eight years ago) link
is that a single tear or a bead of sweat?
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:27 (eight years ago) link
18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
Note that the modern man does NOT have a shoehorn; he has just thought seriously about buying one. The modern man procrastinates like a motherfucker.
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:28 (eight years ago) link
xp - tattoo
the modern man has a past u know?
― all my friends are vampires (art), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:28 (eight years ago) link
without a shoehorn he's going to ruin those kenneth coles
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:28 (eight years ago) link
https://31.media.tumblr.com/e2ff51bc06bd2d568ef4f96ea5fa77f9/tumblr_ncow7kOlOE1smr45to1_500.gif
WAIT FOR SOME RUCKUS, DAMMIT
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:29 (eight years ago) link
28. the modern man collects beads of sweat in a jar and then flicks them at poorly behaving children in the street, one at a time.29. the modern man pays his mother a surprise visit every once in a while to take her out to dinner.30. the modern man is a psychotic ball of rage turned inside out during waking hours, but contemplative and curious during sleep.31. the modern man completes his taxes early.
― 1997 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:31 (eight years ago) link
this guy is clearly a) sending up this genre, b) speaking sorta mordantly, sorta proudly about his sorta unmanly married w/kids life, but also c) unlikeable
― goole, Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:31 (eight years ago) link
32. WAAHHHHAAAAAAHWHOOOAAAAAAAAAA33. thoughtful advice34. wwwhoooaoaaaaa
i do complete my taxes early...
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 1 October 2015 18:19 (eight years ago) link
the modern man takes his trash out Wednesday night for Thursday morning pick up
― rap is dad (it's a boy!), Thursday, 1 October 2015 18:32 (eight years ago) link
the modern man is boring as fuck
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 1 October 2015 18:32 (eight years ago) link
but is modern man just a man?
― F♯ A♯ (∞), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:14 (eight years ago) link
Q are we not modern
― jimmy falloff (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:18 (eight years ago) link
http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/Imagezz/pixyVelvetGlitter3_500h.jpg
― F♯ A♯ (∞), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:23 (eight years ago) link
I can't believe the Peter Pan page is still live.
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:32 (eight years ago) link
Thing is, "chopper" is not even the right "wrong" word to use for a helicopter. Professionally, I am sometimes in contact with real military manly-men, who call them "helos." Ultimate manliness comes from knowing the specific type, of course - Blackhawk, Apache, Huey.
Calling a helo a chopper reveals you to be a wussy-ass pansy-boy who got his information about war and the military from watching MASH. Calling it a helicopter reveals you to be a prissy-ass nerd who gets his information from a dictionary.
I fail by all measures, as I can claim neither military manliness nor this weird funhouse-mirror NYT version of modern post-hipster menschiness.
(Although I do make sure everybody's electronic devices are charging before I go to bed. Guilty! If I don't, there will be a cranky 4-year-old up in my grill at 5 AM whining that he can't watch Bob the Builder or play Clumsy Ninja; then it becomes incumbent on me to be just as entertaining as the Internet. Which I am not.)
― forbidden fruitarian (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 2 October 2015 15:19 (eight years ago) link
uh I learned about it from films and obviously in my life I often have occasion to yell GET TO THE CHOPPER
― μpright mammal (mh), Friday, 2 October 2015 15:27 (eight years ago) link
the one about pinned tweets, wtf. i have about 10 pinned tweets, does that make me a cave man?
― jill's got heroin (rip van wanko), Wednesday, 7 October 2015 17:14 (eight years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/40vyQGi.jpg
― 龜, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 12:21 (eight years ago) link
but shaving ruins the disguise
― niels, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:04 (eight years ago) link
what if i can change a tire but prefer to have aaa do it for me? half a beard? goatee? standing in front of the mirror rn, razor in hand, looking for answers
― art, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:16 (eight years ago) link
i like how 3 of the 4 went with a unmanly beardo, but the fourth is just a guy eating a fish straight out of the river
― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:21 (eight years ago) link
You don't fall a tree, you fell a tree.
Man-lingo fail.
― bodhran run run run (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:53 (eight years ago) link
"your a chick in disguise"
― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:54 (eight years ago) link
can we just agree that every expression of modern masculinity is terrible and we should all be thrown into the ocean
― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:55 (eight years ago) link
Are there memes that are like, "If you look like this but don't know how to sew a dress or bake a casserole, SCRAPE THE MAKEUP OFF YOUR FACE & QUIT SHAVING YOUR LEGS, YOU PHONY"
― hardcore dilettante, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:55 (eight years ago) link
not many, but that's because of the scourge of political correctness that is destroying this nation
― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 13:58 (eight years ago) link
If you eat raw fish straight from the river but can't change a tire, SHAVE
― jmm, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:01 (eight years ago) link
do they mean actually removing a tire from the rim, or just putting the spare on the car? pretty sure they mean the latter, which is changing the whole wheel and isn't that hard
psssssh
― μpright mammal (mh), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:05 (eight years ago) link
you need a specialized machine to actually change the tire
― jason waterfalls (gbx), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:06 (eight years ago) link
maybe YOU do
actually it's really a complete pain in the ass if you don't have one of those
― μpright mammal (mh), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:07 (eight years ago) link
the last time I had to help someone put on their spare I left the e-brake on like an idiot (had it on when jacking up the car since I was a little paranoid) and another dude came by and guessed that within a minute, how embarassing
― μpright mammal (mh), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:10 (eight years ago) link
Does changing bike tires count? I have a beard but it would be pointless for me to learn how to change tires to a car, since I don't even have a driver's license.
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:12 (eight years ago) link
if you pass a woman on the roadway with a flat tire, it is your man duty to help her
― μpright mammal (mh), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:13 (eight years ago) link
by mansplaining the correct technique for changing a tire, while stroking your luxuriant beard
― Neil S, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:15 (eight years ago) link
i learned how to change a tired not through any innate sense of masculinity but by being stranded and reading the car manual. it's pretty simple! you do get dirty though.
― ryan, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:15 (eight years ago) link
ive never had a flat tire tbh
― marcos, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:16 (eight years ago) link
feel like the real test of masculinity should be higher level plumbing or carpentry.
― ryan, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:16 (eight years ago) link
i learned how to change a tire by watching the christmas story every year
― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:17 (eight years ago) link
Real men will have already torn up their car manual to use as kindling.
― jmm, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:18 (eight years ago) link
imo the true test of masculinity is being man enough to call a plumber instead of saying "oh yeah, I've got this" 30 minutes before water is spraying all over
― μpright mammal (mh), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 14:19 (eight years ago) link