Bait My Clickhole

http://www.clickhole.com/article/we-asked-22-lifeguards-about-life-they-most-regret-3051

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/americas-mad-scientist-24-hours-elon-musk-3015

The lifeguard one is masterful.

www.clickhole.com/slideshow/next-week-clickhole-3067#slide2

http://i.imgur.com/MPTSU3H.jpg

Roberts is famous for refusing to learn the name of anyone in the cast or crew of the projects she works on, instead using the name “Marco Tungsten” for all men and “Marca Tungsten” for all women. “I’m just being nice,” said the Pretty Woman star when asked about her behavior. “Those names are the ones people should have.”

http://www.onionstudios.com/videos/how-to-make-your-hair-look-wet-3122 omg

http://www.clickhole.com/article/whoa-jk-rowling-just-revealed-philip-seymour-hoffm-3083

O_O

oh my...

http://www.clickhole.com/article/princess-diana-3106

omg was not ready for gta piano car to pop up

this gave me a few hearty chuckles

http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-things-people-tattoos-are-tired-hearing-3105

Well done! By using operant conditioning and an intermittent reward schedule, you have made your dad talk to you about the weather at your whim. Because he does not know when you will reward him with a peanut, he is conditioned to talk to you for at least as long as you have peanuts, like a slobbering dog.

Congratulations

https://www.facebook.com/clickhole/photos/a.1461385317435063.1073741828.1439042583002670/1544772042429723/?type=3

didn't some ilxor do a version of this at some point

also i always love the ones with carefully prepared accompanying photographs

http://www.clickhole.com/article/5-secret-mcdonalds-menu-items-you-have-order-888

http://www.clickhole.com/clickventure/can-you-keep-conversation-your-dad-3097#8,

oh my godddddddd this is incredible, the matchstick men thread is amazing

brilliant

“This next one takes place in the mind of Stonewall Jackson. The main character is Percy, a blood clot who is determined to kill Stonewall Jackson, because Percy was born in Boston and supports the Union. Opposing him is Martha, Stonewall Jackson’s amygdala, who was born in Atlanta and is a scintillating and voluptuous Southern belle. The two end up falling in love—but a bullet has other plans.”

Probably some high school groundskeeper will heave open a floodlight breaker box switch to reveal a nighttime astroturf oasis of cold aluminum bleachers and steamed human bodies primed for sport while in the pitch-black crop fields a solemn figure performs the homecoming dance alone to himself.

http://www.starwipe.com/

HLN appears to be the cable news equivalent of clickhole

starwipe on first perusal... :/

What a beautiful, beautiful name for a tabloid.

I thought for a second that starwipe was a clickhole parody of a terrible clickhole rip-off, but it really is a terrible clickhole rip-off, right?

Finally learned who the fuck Tyler Fucking Oakley is.

I lold a bit

Gavin Rossdale Needs Half Of Gwen Stefani’s Money Even Though I Bought Two Copies Of Sixteen Stone

I thought for a second that starwipe was a clickhole parody of a terrible clickhole rip-off, but it really is a terrible clickhole rip-off, right?

― soref, Wednesday, September 30, 2015 4:00 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Neither, it's an actual Onion site.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/these-third-graders-letters-their-teacher-about-ho-3042

http://www.clickhole.com/article/11-things-all-women-who-lift-weights-are-sick-hear-3216

"Will you sign a poster for my young feminist son, Charbon?"

The puzzle of this is thought of in basic biology and Egg science, and it’s obvious. The house of the water of an Egg is contained within the shackles of two halves of a stone bone prison in regard to an Egg, and it’s the wet desert inside of it that floods it until it becomes dry or, to put it another way, it makes the Egg happen until we understand why it came from it (them) to do it to us, as an Egg in both ways and one of the famous styles. Thanks for asking!

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/what-your-knowledge-egg-3213

http://www.clickhole.com/video/thought-provoking-video-shows-what-world-would-be--3246

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CRYQBGXUcAIOfYP.jpg

http://clickotron.com/

All articles on Click-o-Tron are written by a Recurrent Neural Network, a technology from artificial intelligence research that is well suited to generating text. While some stories are clearly nonsense, others may appear to make sense. They probably don't though – no human was involved in writing any of these. Since these stories are dreamed up by a computer algorithm, they are essentially fiction and overlap with reality only incidentally.

incredible

http://www.clickhole.com/clickventure/can-you-keep-conversation-your-dad-3097#8,

oh my godddddddd this is incredible, the matchstick men thread is amazing

― zoso def (m bison), Sunday, September 27, 2015 4:05 PM (2 weeks ago)

i really just want to repost this in case it was missed by anyone. because i can't breathe rn

http://clickotron.com/
― can't stop won't stop chooglin (how's life), Saturday, October 17, 2015 12:24 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Amazing.

http://clickotron.com/images/23382769main.jpg

Whoops, I mean

http://i.imgur.com/P6hzohO.png

To generate clickbait, we’ll train such an RNN on ~2,000,000 headlines, scraped from Buzzfeed, Gawker, Jezebel, Huffington Post and Upworthy.

How realistic can we expect the output of this model to be? Even if it can learn to generate text with correct syntax and grammar, it surely can’t produce headlines that contain any new knowledge of the real world? It can’t do reporting? This may be true, but it’s not clear that clickbait needs to have any relation to the real world in order to be successful. When this work was begun, the top story on BuzzFeed was “50 Disney Channel Original Movies, Ranked By Feminism“. More recently they published “22 Faces Everyone Who Has Pooped Will Immediately Recognized“. It’s not clear that these headlines are much more than a semi-random concatenation of topics their userbase likes, and as seen in the latter case, 100% correct grammar is not a requirement.

i expect that to show up on facebook a fair amount in the near future

I just found out today that the reason Sean Oneal hasn't been writing AVClub Newswire bits for months is b/c he's EiC of StarWipe. His style has transferred over intact.

http://www.starwipe.com/article/charlie-sheen-falsely-accused-building-sex-robot-y-817

http://www.clickhole.com/video/awesome-man-can-list-nearly-every-back-future-movi-3356

and this is really just for the headline, but still great headline

http://www.clickhole.com/article/about-time-woman-will-finally-be-featured-mans-bac-3266

My Grandmother’s Cello Is Also A Guy

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/how-many-these-hayao-miyazaki-films-have-you-seen-3352

The Mask That Cared For The Elderly

Woof. Looks like you’ve barely ever even seen a single animated epic from the land of the rising sun. You’re missing out on classics like Taki’s Iron Lung and The Frog Auctioneer. Drop by an anime society meeting at your local community college and try this quiz again.

the can you get over your ex thing is not quite as good as having a conversation with your dad one but it's close

i made my gf take that quiz and she got to "Fucked II Death: Revenants Rising" before she realized it was a put on

haha

LOL!

haven't really loved starwipe until this:
http://www.starwipe.com/quiz/how-fucking-annoying-are-you-about-benedict-cumber-1005

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CTD1oHxWwAAeB1z.jpg