what happens if your buddy dies while giving you a limp handshake during a threesome?
― too young for seapunk (Moodles), Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:12 (nine years ago) link
just put some porn on to make it less awkward for the 3 of you
― 1995 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:14 (nine years ago) link
well, 2 of you, at that point
― goole, Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:15 (nine years ago) link
does the playboy logo even mean anything to anyone in 2015
― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:17 (nine years ago) link
Ready to feel old? Millennials think this is some kind of app icon!
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:25 (nine years ago) link
lol
― go hang a salami I'm a canal, adam (silby), Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:38 (nine years ago) link
― too young for seapunk (Moodles), Thursday, 3 September 2015 16:12 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
You get to keep the console.
― Mark G, Thursday, 3 September 2015 19:34 (nine years ago) link
You have to delete his saved games though
― We Boo... The Cross (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 3 September 2015 19:59 (nine years ago) link
i more or less never use urinalsi will, under duress, piss in an alley or on a tree so i'm basically a hypocrite
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Friday, 4 September 2015 16:33 (nine years ago) link
(please observe the one tree buffer rule)
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Friday, 4 September 2015 16:34 (nine years ago) link
what the fuck even is this
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/02/fashion/mens-style/27-ways-to-be-a-modern-man.html
― goole, Wednesday, 30 September 2015 20:38 (eight years ago) link
i almost posted that earlier, but i stopped because i couldn't even figure out what the fuck it even was
― 1997 ball boy (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 30 September 2015 20:40 (eight years ago) link
i couldn't tell if he was trying to mock the idea of modern man or if he believed in it or if he was trying to be silly or what
the modern man will totally waste his time on this shit
― goole, Wednesday, 30 September 2015 20:44 (eight years ago) link
the modern man shrugs
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 30 September 2015 20:47 (eight years ago) link
nytimes trying to reach for that borowitz factor
― μpright mammal (mh), Wednesday, 30 September 2015 20:57 (eight years ago) link
well this one seems right
26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
― j., Wednesday, 30 September 2015 21:02 (eight years ago) link
the nytimes style section editors seem to have no oversight from other editorial areas, though
they're the same ones who ran the "will the apple watch give you cancer? maybe, but so do cigarettes and they are cool" article that cited Mercola
― μpright mammal (mh), Wednesday, 30 September 2015 21:02 (eight years ago) link
Being a modern man sounds exhausting.
― too young for seapunk (Moodles), Wednesday, 30 September 2015 21:06 (eight years ago) link
pretty sure that's a joke but who fuckin knows anymore
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 30 September 2015 22:35 (eight years ago) link
The modern man is like a super butler mixed with, I don't know, an asshole or something.
― jimmy falloff (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 1 October 2015 03:31 (eight years ago) link
6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
Busted!
― Mark G, Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:11 (eight years ago) link
tbf, i should start doing that
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:13 (eight years ago) link
amended:
1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. Because his spouse is right there with him. Who gets shoes without trying them on? Really? And he knows which brands run big or small. Because he used to work in a shoe shop, I guess.
― Mark G, Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:15 (eight years ago) link
"the market" => barf
― rip van wanko, Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:20 (eight years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/eXy0yjy.jpg
― I might like you better if we Yelped together (Phil D.), Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:28 (eight years ago) link
tell me what's gauche, guy who calls a grocery store "the market" then tells me to wear Kenneth Cole shoes
― rip van wanko, Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:35 (eight years ago) link
was gonna say kenneth cole so f'n basic
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 1 October 2015 15:35 (eight years ago) link
17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:17 (eight years ago) link
serving honeydew melon, uniform shape notwithstanding, is the not-knowing-your-spouse's-exact-shoe-specifications of the modern era. everyone but the most gauche of simpletons should know this
― all my friends are vampires (art), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:21 (eight years ago) link
modern man's a baller putting melons on the boards
― too young for seapunk (Moodles), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:23 (eight years ago) link
i want the author to explain this article. he seems to be an amalgamation of 3 or 4 different (modern, apparently) men with wildly different personalities
― 1997 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:24 (eight years ago) link
WHO ARE YOU, BRIAN LOMBARDI?!?!
http://static01.nyt.com/images/2015/10/02/fashion/02MODERNMAN/02MODERNMAN-master180.jpg
― 1997 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:25 (eight years ago) link
of DeKalb, Illinois, home base of the modern man
― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:25 (eight years ago) link
is that a single tear or a bead of sweat?
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:27 (eight years ago) link
18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
Note that the modern man does NOT have a shoehorn; he has just thought seriously about buying one. The modern man procrastinates like a motherfucker.
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:28 (eight years ago) link
xp - tattoo
the modern man has a past u know?
― all my friends are vampires (art), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:28 (eight years ago) link
without a shoehorn he's going to ruin those kenneth coles
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:28 (eight years ago) link
https://31.media.tumblr.com/e2ff51bc06bd2d568ef4f96ea5fa77f9/tumblr_ncow7kOlOE1smr45to1_500.gif
WAIT FOR SOME RUCKUS, DAMMIT
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:29 (eight years ago) link
28. the modern man collects beads of sweat in a jar and then flicks them at poorly behaving children in the street, one at a time.29. the modern man pays his mother a surprise visit every once in a while to take her out to dinner.30. the modern man is a psychotic ball of rage turned inside out during waking hours, but contemplative and curious during sleep.31. the modern man completes his taxes early.
― 1997 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:31 (eight years ago) link
this guy is clearly a) sending up this genre, b) speaking sorta mordantly, sorta proudly about his sorta unmanly married w/kids life, but also c) unlikeable
― goole, Thursday, 1 October 2015 16:31 (eight years ago) link
32. WAAHHHHAAAAAAHWHOOOAAAAAAAAAA33. thoughtful advice34. wwwhoooaoaaaaa
i do complete my taxes early...
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 1 October 2015 18:19 (eight years ago) link
the modern man takes his trash out Wednesday night for Thursday morning pick up
― rap is dad (it's a boy!), Thursday, 1 October 2015 18:32 (eight years ago) link
the modern man is boring as fuck
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 1 October 2015 18:32 (eight years ago) link
but is modern man just a man?
― F♯ A♯ (∞), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:14 (eight years ago) link
Q are we not modern
― jimmy falloff (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:18 (eight years ago) link
http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/Imagezz/pixyVelvetGlitter3_500h.jpg
― F♯ A♯ (∞), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:23 (eight years ago) link
I can't believe the Peter Pan page is still live.
― I Am Curious (Dolezal) (DJP), Thursday, 1 October 2015 19:32 (eight years ago) link
Thing is, "chopper" is not even the right "wrong" word to use for a helicopter. Professionally, I am sometimes in contact with real military manly-men, who call them "helos." Ultimate manliness comes from knowing the specific type, of course - Blackhawk, Apache, Huey.
Calling a helo a chopper reveals you to be a wussy-ass pansy-boy who got his information about war and the military from watching MASH. Calling it a helicopter reveals you to be a prissy-ass nerd who gets his information from a dictionary.
I fail by all measures, as I can claim neither military manliness nor this weird funhouse-mirror NYT version of modern post-hipster menschiness.
(Although I do make sure everybody's electronic devices are charging before I go to bed. Guilty! If I don't, there will be a cranky 4-year-old up in my grill at 5 AM whining that he can't watch Bob the Builder or play Clumsy Ninja; then it becomes incumbent on me to be just as entertaining as the Internet. Which I am not.)
― forbidden fruitarian (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 2 October 2015 15:19 (eight years ago) link