Blue Saturday

:-) this is ILX's home of emo posts

taking you at yr word here

got fired from muh job on sunday -- part of me is glad cus i wasn't having fun anymore and this forces me to do something different, but still, sucks being told you aren't good enough for something.

i've been spending this week smoking a lot of weed, drinking lots of black coffee and listening to techno with the aromatherapy oil burner diffusing lots of lavender to try to keep from feeling like shit. it's mostly working but still kinda blue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jc_fzbP_SOs

they're not telling you you aren't good enough, they're telling you they aren't good enough

thanks bud

stay strong c

nice to see you clouds
nv otm

ya know, if i cd just get out from under relentless debt-driven spiral of abject poverishment i think i wd be as close to "winning" as i've been for years

thumbs

<3 clouds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsVhwQsh86c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMatuGwX8tY

beautiful day tempered by the feeling that the possibility of future emotional intimacy is remote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiEFi3FNBPE

not a cloud in the sky and perfectly still

gonna go walk and walk, Han is hanging round town with friends, tonight we'll watch West Side Story together and i'll remember i'm lucky forever

http://www.photology.com/assets/images/GHIRRI%20Luigi/sito1.Ghirri.Strada%20provinciale%20anime.Artissima%202011.jpg

http://imperfect.it/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/luigi_ghirri.jpg

http://www.egglestontrust.com/images/monographs/guide_l.jpg

https://lunamareterra.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/luigi-ghirri-c2a9-formigine-1985-da-il-profilo-delle-nuvole.jpg

http://www.ilpost.it/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Fossati-Vittore-Oviglio-Alessandria-1981.jpg

http://s3.amazonaws.com/contemporaryartgroup/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/37024_01.jpg

some clouds now

It is a genuine source of irrational irritation when all the cafés/pubs with outdoor seating happen to be in the shade

blue sky Saturday

i shd think so

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEXQaQcwJao

that was meant to be this but whatever antheil is good too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21SMdsr-i78

Sunday twilight still the cruelest moment of the week

maybe commit suicide by reading the John Lennon vs Paul McCartney thread

Eubie Blake is comforting tho

its still rather light and warm in london and forecast to remain settled for a while
sunday evening circa early november is more the ticket for high maudlin verging on dysphoric

oh i know we're 4/5 months downhill from here

And Cain said unto the LORD, My punishment is greater than I can bear.

every working day i wind up being judgey and opinionated and tho they may be important aspects of humanity they're the bits of myself that make me feel most sad and dislikeable

articulated this thought better in my head last night

the World is a grey wet vale of distracted corruption

thinking of maybe winning nu-lottery

if any of youse are a capricious millionaire would you consider paying me a living wage to work full-time as a flâneur? I will endeavour to write one mildly amusing status update per day or, for a slightly larger fee, not to

yeh i have indulged a couple of times lately but tbh more in hopes of an evening's leisure money than permanent retirement

both so unlikely they may as well be equally unlikely

that isn't true but

treu enough tbh

I like to play every few month even tho I know the chance of winning is zero, try explaining this to science bros tho

I don't check the ticket for ages it's awesome

saw a decent explanation that said that the potential lifechange of the win makes the slimness of the odds reasonable to us, especially the more abject real life might be

pascalian

actually i am alone again today so in theory i cd get hold of some money and go and gently elide the day but on the other hand i've got nice tunes on and the odds of meeting the person who might pull me out of this slough compared to the odds of just being 30 or 40 quid poorer next week don't seem v enticing

Very (xp)

saw a decent explanation that said that the potential lifechange of the win makes the slimness of the odds reasonable to us, especially the more abject real life might be

The only time I played regularly was when there was a work syndicate, that's really an odd thing. It's like a protection racket or sth cause suddenly the thing that overrides the logic of you-definitely-won't-win is not the hope that you could but the fear that all your co-workers might

we play once a month or so at work depending how bad the management zeitgeist is at any given moment

actually i am alone again today so in theory i cd get hold of some money and go and gently elide the day but on the other hand i've got nice tunes on and the odds of meeting the person who might pull me out of this slough compared to the odds of just being 30 or 40 quid poorer next week don't seem v enticing

I miss the part of today where I just had nice tunes on

gracias for giving an excellent new inflection to the term "pulling" incidentally <3

entirely unconscious but double apt

i mean there is also the cameraderie of the afternoon drinking crew but there's always that

even getting invites to go out now ffs

must maintain mantra that money borrowed against leisure is a moebius trip

used to be one of those sanctimonious "lol tax on the stupid" bores tbh (my mother was a maths teacher, it's how I was brought up) but then realised that when the chance of buying your way to something better by the "traditional" route seems just as one-in-fortywhatever-million unlikely you may as well dabble. not sure I've ever actually won anything though, maybe the lowest scratchcard prize once

feeling p. autumnal this evening and not in the good way (there is a good way, I felt it on the walk home last week) but in the it's got dark at teatime and I feel sick and jittery and I've wasted my life kind of way. starting drinking as soon as my driving lesson ended mid-afternoon poss a bad idea

eh angst over, time to find those nice tunes or just give up, go to bed and try to get up early for more daylight tomorrow

NB I never get up early but won't let that get in the way of good intentions

feeling p. autumnal this evening and not in the good way (there is a good way, I felt it on the walk home last week) but in the it's got dark at teatime and I feel sick and jittery and I've wasted my life kind of way.

I get this every year really bad.