Bait My Clickhole

amazing

apropos re Jade Helm nonsense

so good

this got me good

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/i-dont-let-my-kids-watch-winnie-pooh-because-i-don-2842

that is incredible

began dying @ this point:

“But what do you let your kids watch?” you might ask. I’d much rather my kids watch the fuck machine named Big Bird. Big Bird is the towering human bird from PBS who you can tell is just constantly fucking. He’s got that swagger. There are a lot of good lessons children can learn from a major-league pussy-crusher like Big Bird, such as the importance of confidence, courage, and friendship.

I lost it at 'impressive sex duck'

"the cunning potato named arthur" verged on the homeric

"Winnie the Pooh, on the other hand, wouldn’t know the first thing about courage. If he were on United Airlines Flight 93, for example, not only would he have not joined the revolt against the terrorists, but he probably would’ve gotten down on his yellow knees and sucked the terrorists’ cocks one by one. “Oh, bother!” he would shrug as the al-Qaeda operatives drilled the back of his throat with their pube-slathered ding-dongs."

oh shit

let me big bird that for you

Argh, okay. I don't tend to watch the videos but I think I just got one of the 'wrong' videos on the This Man Manages to Feel Anxious Even Though Nothing is Wrong one. I guess there's no way of getting it back, the urls seem to be the same?

https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/11822434_1617686031804990_6656057541509061680_n.jpg?oh=75b325563ef634e7584096a7ea4527d5&oe=56548C93

If you just keep reloading the page, you can usually get the "wrong" videos to pop up eventually. They seem to only be attached to those ones starring that one "This Man" guy, but each one of those videos has its own different "wrong" video for it.

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/i-need-everyones-t-shirt-size-2872?utm_campaign=default&utm_medium=ShareTools&utm_source=facebook

Filled it out

when i clicked earlier today it was a surveymonkey link then when i re-loaded an hour or so later it had changed in to a google spreadsheet (iirc surveymonkey charges $$ once you hit a certain number of respondents)

also kind of curious if the author of that post listened to the same podcast ep i listened to this morning https://gimletmedia.com/episode/34-dmv-nation/

(It specifically gets in to the bureaucratic legalities wrt the White House polling citizens)

http://www.clickhole.com/article/incredible-lewis-and-clarks-sketches-animals-they--2924

http://i.onionstatic.com/clickhole/1712/6/original/640.jpg

http://www.clickhole.com/video/oof-watch-guy-get-kicked-right-crunchbasket-2915?utm_campaign=default&utm_medium=ShareTools&utm_source=twitter

Sometimes their dumb simple stuff is just the best

http://www.gofundme.com/2jc4yga2s

that is wonderful

I neglected to read the rewards before, lol

clickhole is on one

http://www.clickhole.com/article/5-notes-movie-studio-executives-ruined-would-be-cl-2947

I would pay $$$ to see that version of Armageddon

ditto

http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-moms-doing-their-best-transgender-movement-2812

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/how-many-these-metallica-songs-have-you-heard-2905

the Armageddon write-up has me laughing like a drain

fantastic metallica songs!

“Ominous Cup”

irl lols here: http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/how-many-these-magic-school-bus-books-have-you-rea-2980

The Magic School Bus Sucks A Boa Constrictor Into Its Tailpipe Like Spaghetti

Ouch! Looks like you aren’t a fan of the Magic School Bus series at all. You missed out on all the adventures of Ms. Frizzle and her class when you were growing up, from The Magic School Bus Inside The Mind Of Philip Glass to The Magic School Bus Has To Take Lincoln To Ford’s Theatre. Too bad.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/someone-overdubbed-godfather-donkey-kong-soundtrac-2894

This is so good.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/lucky-be-alive-harrison-ford-had-be-rescued-after--2901

a good article but nothing that follows can live up to the sentence "From what we know right now, Ford entered the office supply manufacturing facility early yesterday afternoon after having smelled what he thought was pie."

Will You Kiss My Friend Parthik?

You Will Not Kiss My Friend Parthik!

Oh, no! You’re not going to kiss Parthik! Why? He tried to make the world so romantic for you and you rejected him with the cruel heart of a mean monster. How terrible! Now, loneliness will blanket Parthik like snow in the night. Parthik will drown in his solitude, and only I will remember him. You have mean, stingy lips. Amen.

Sex-Positive Culture Still Has A Long Way To Go Before It Catches Up With My Weird And Baffling Penis

Please know that it’s not my intention to undermine the significant impact that the sex-positive movement has had on our culture. I’m simply saying that we still have a few more decades to go before we as a society can accept my cock, which looks like M.C. Escher tried to paint the Holocaust.

stunning

http://www.clickhole.com/clickventure/you-are-worlds-greatest-computer-hacker-2945

this might be the best one yet

its a tour de force

http://www.clickhole.com/article/we-asked-22-lifeguards-about-life-they-most-regret-3051

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/americas-mad-scientist-24-hours-elon-musk-3015

The lifeguard one is masterful.

www.clickhole.com/slideshow/next-week-clickhole-3067#slide2

http://i.imgur.com/MPTSU3H.jpg

Roberts is famous for refusing to learn the name of anyone in the cast or crew of the projects she works on, instead using the name “Marco Tungsten” for all men and “Marca Tungsten” for all women. “I’m just being nice,” said the Pretty Woman star when asked about her behavior. “Those names are the ones people should have.”

http://www.onionstudios.com/videos/how-to-make-your-hair-look-wet-3122 omg

http://www.clickhole.com/article/whoa-jk-rowling-just-revealed-philip-seymour-hoffm-3083

O_O

oh my...

http://www.clickhole.com/article/princess-diana-3106

omg was not ready for gta piano car to pop up