cutting people completely out of your life

The 'you know they're in town and they didn't even tell you' can be a watershed moment for sure. I only allow for this in the case of my one friend who is legit famous anyone else does it, it means we are just acquaintances.

otm

Pfft. So many reasons to be excited to hear Peter Schilling's "Major Tom". If that is what she was saying there weren't any of.

― Abraham raves doubtlessly (a passing spacecadet), Friday, July 17, 2015 3:27 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I know, right? I couldn't tell if she was saying that the people at this club shouldn't have known the song because it was too obscure (and so were under a group delusion that it was another song?) or that nobody should get that excited about the song, period. Either way, it's a great song, but I'm probably just saying that because I live in Chicago (gross).

people of Chicago guilty of much greater sins tbh

Watch it, buddy. I'm in the mood to unfollow people on Twitter.

*tweets furiously*

Major Tom is a totally famous song ffs it is so not obscure

Nobody knows the name 'Peter schilling' maybe

In the process of cutting out an old semi-close friend, who I've rented office space with, after he began intentionally sabotaging the space to try and make the rest of us quit the place, stopped paying his part of the rent, and then became hysterical when we threw him out. Basically he is having a breakdown, but won't admit it, instead goes around town telling acquaintances that we've stolen his space from him.

Long trail of doing this. It does add up over time.

in what way?

wouldnt it subtract down?

Yes--wrong math term. I meant that it adds up in the sense of people who are no longer part of your life. You've got x number of people you can call up to go see a movie when you're 27, fewer when you're 37, fewer etc. Over time, it adds up/subtracts down.

Yet, that happens whether you intentionally cut people out of your life or not. Wouldn't you rather have the choice of who's left?

So weird this gets bumped. I'm regretfully in the process of doing this to someone.

yeah but attrition isn't the same thing as deliberately cutting people out of your life

oops that was xp

A number of the people who disappeared on me do fall under the category of cutting out.

I don't want to make too big a deal out of this. If there's good reason, cut them out. With me, it was often a case of a friendship that was dying anyway, that didn't seem worth saving even before whatever triggered the final break. I'd probably make the same decisions again. All I'm saying is that when you get to be my age, you look back and realize it does add up.

i'm almost too good at doing this. it makes me wonder if there's actually something wrong with me? i just find it so easy to ghost people once i realize that aren't bringing anything positive to my life.

and yes, that does mean i have fewer friends at 35, and it also means the older i get the more cautious i am about making new connections. but the friends i do have are amazing people, they're family, and i love them so much. many of them i don't get to see or even really talk to for months or even years at a time. but every time i get sad about the lack of people in my life that are accessible (i.e. live in my area), i try to remember that quality is superior to quantity.

I'm a Cancer, and my sense of loyalty is killing me during this process. I also know I'll backtrack and have to be forgiven when I, right now, feel totally justified in doing this.

i try to remember that quality is superior to quantity.

No one would argue with that. Unfortunately, in my situation, what quality friends remain are all married with families. Sometimes I wish I had some quantity to fall back on.

eh. never forget, we all die alone

i was on the receiving end of this recently---and to my mind, somewhat confusingly---and i can assure you that it feels completely awful

So this dude I've been cutting out had some stuff at our office space, and wanted to get it. Tried to arrange it, but the facebook-thread of him asking for it devolved into him yelling lies and abuse at us. Once again. Then all of a sudden he just gets another guy, whom he'd given a key, to let him in, and rips the place. Found out today he even stole a book of mine. Fucking asshole.

https://www.the-pool.com/life/life-honestly/2015/25/sali-hughes-on-shedding-friends

some of my best friends I've only gotten to know this past two years...you can add as well as subtract even as a decrepit 30+

i'm a bit like justin3, i have ghosted quite a few ppl

i think part of it was after I immigrated i went through a period of thinking "any friend is a good friend" bcz it was so hard for me to make new friends as an adult - all my friends back home in Oz I'd gained over 20+ years

But then I was like, well half these ppl are kinda shit/making me miserable, and i figured who cares if i only have a few friends - i'd rather have a few good quality friends than put up with stupid bullshit

my mum had a corny saying:
true friends are like diamonds
precious & rare
false friends are like autumn leaves
found everywhere

if darragh is decrepit then I'm a goner

Making new friends is another thread! It's an art imo. Maybe a lost one but some things about meeting new ppl after 30 don't change.

like anything else it's a lot less intense than when I was sixteen but yeah you're right- another thread may be wiser

rip mh

I'm doing a *lot* of inadvertent ghosting lately (cf the post I made on FB the other day, cos this is weighing heavily on me at present).

It just sort of snowballs, like you think "i havent emailed this person in months/I didnt go to their last 2 parties/they probably think I'm a shitty flake now and dont WANT to see me anyway".

Having a sudden "family" also means I'm adjusting to part time being a sort of parent with no free time, and I'm not good at pacing my (increasinly limited) energy and positivity as a result.

I mean, one of my bandmates defriended me on FB a while back after also suddenly ceasing any jams or contact about the band. He's denied defriending me (which is fucked up - its right there on the page! It doesnt happen by mistake!) but I think he's basically Lou Barlowed me. Meh whatever.

Jerky ex best friend update: still fucking nothing and it's been over a year. I still have no idea what the real reason behind all this was and I think now more than ever that the way he handled this was appalling and just plain cruel. That said, I'd forgive him in an instant if he contacted me with an apology and an explanation.

I totally get how you must feel :( So frustrating.

Months ago, my best friend of 30 years changed his profile picture on Facebook to a picture of Eve Plumb and i wrote something like: You Wish! and he unfriended me and I haven't had any contact with him since.

...

Xpost that's insane!

weird

I'm sorry u lost a pal but that's a great story.

things seem to be getting pared down to me and the cat, whether by choice or neglect or other

sorry about eve plumb!

found out through only remaining mutual friend that a dude i cut out of my life years ago because he is a dickhole (was explicit to the ex-friend about this) and dont think about much/at all still apparently talks about me a lot to the only remaining mutual friend? like, a lot, as if we are still friends. it feels...weird, but also kinda funny because it is perfectly emblematic of what a loser he is

also a friend i cut outta my life because he was gross and misogynistic has had some kinda breakthrough about it recently and wants to be friends again as a result - which its' great that he's changed! but i kinda just feel like, why bother now at this point reconnecting? like, what are you bringing to my life? doing fine without your friendship. feel like it is mostly just that he wants me to "sign off" on him, and i have no time for issuing blessings atm

Somehow Facebook + NYT know I'm doing this right now.

I only knowingly cut off one friend. We weren't ever that close, and he was a jerk a good portion of the time. I actually kept it up much longer than I wanted to. I'm pretty sure I was his only friend at the time, so I felt it would be shitty to just end it. I was 20 when I ended it; I'm 36 now, and I realize life is too short for that shit.

I only have a few close friends now, all of whom are married (I'm single atm). If any of them were to cut me off I'd be an emotional wreck for years, so I'm crushed by many of this thread's posts.

you just gotta do this sometimes. it's a big world. i probably advise other people to do this more often than i should. though.
https://31.media.tumblr.com/396e336b48323bf111527329d414521f/tumblr_n4ttusukhh1ta3x8fo1_400.gif

cutting people completely out of your life

Pretty much exactly 10 years later, he emailed me. To say he is OK and hopes I am but he shouldn't be writing me and we still can't talk.

._.

Wow way to dredge things up for you instead of just letting things stand, if there isn’t going to be any change to the situation. What a selfish prick.

jeez that's lame as hell

i posted on the 77 "what's happening now" thread about a friend of about 15 years who cut me off last month because i wasn't quick to respond to a text about fantasy baseball. he had a tantrum and called me a couple names and then has been radio silent since. i couldn't do anything more than send a text offering an explanation that i was kind of busy and spread thin, without really apologizing because i don't entertain people getting dramatic over allegedly broken social decorum anymore and a delayed response on a text is not the same thing as staring at someone with blank disinterest, some folks still don't get that. plus i've been dealing with more serious private shit in recent times and my focus is therefore more hazy. but fuck it, i'm not explaining that to him. good riddance tbh.

That seems so weird and extreme! I'm sorry though. It is never a fun experience. That reaction really seems disproportionate. O, you might have worked this out but this is the person we both know irl. Anyway full disclosure - I messaged him on linkedin about a month ago because I saw he had viewed my profile and I missed him. I just checked and before that I last messaged him in 2019. He didn't respond to that and I didn't expect a response to this. When I saw the email I got so excited only to see that we still can't talk. It is what it is but it sucks and I hate it.

yeah it was really extreme. he seems like an angry guy in a lot of ways, which was another reason it might be good riddance and another reason i replied calmly.

i thought it might be that person but didn't want to pry about it. i'm vv sorry that occurred.

lol if my close friends got mad every time we didn’t immediately respond to a non-emergency communication, we’d have no friends. My bff and I have been exchanging “yeah I’ll call you this weekend” messages back and forth for several months and still haven’t gotten around to talking.