a clown car full of millionaires: the 2016 presidential primary thread

The sphincter is a muscle.

people gravitate toward really large brash confident loud people

Really? I sure don't.

yeah me neither

but lots of people do

nobody has to debate the merits of this, really i would prefer it to be swept aside, for me to be cast out, left derelict & ruined but desperately clutching this post's bookmarkedmessageid so that one day i might wield it as proof. & muscular like muscular, not like "muscular", you know. i don't think anything matters anymore in terms of scandals, or like it does but just in this thin rhetorical sense of creating a dicey linguistic puzzle, solving which would demonstrate one's eligibility, proving one's power as a table-turner. like with jeb & iraq or whatever. nobody cares about iraq at all, but the fascination of how well he can walk the tightrope of not specifically bowing to its gravity is like a useful contest. christie just needs a bunch of material to adult-in-the-room over, i think, of which there is a bunch, & then he can be reassuring commanding dad president.

it would be really fun to walk on chris christie's back

We are in many respects an intensely superficial country and Chris Christie is an ugly, sweaty, loud-talking (and probably close-talking) fat man. He will never be president.

*prints this post*

Gaze intently at every face at the top of this thread (and add Jindal and Christie.) Can you picture ANY of them being president? I mean, GWB was an unlikely president (to me), but these guys and gal are a pretty amazing bunch...

Gaze intently at every face at the top of this thread (and add Jindal and Christie.) Can you picture ANY of them being president?

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/03/17/article-2294821-18BDAEB9000005DC-441_306x423.jpg

There have been and probably will again be periods when an unattractive/unappealing/appallingly-grotesque person could be elected President, but I don't think this is one of those periods.

GOP base hates Christie, kinda a big problem

Christie has a 'big' problem.

i'd love to see a GOP roundtable debate without a moderator or any questions. just 10 candidates (or 15 or 20 or whatever they're up to now) shouting over each other and competing for attention for 2 hours

The scandals can serve (unless he's far more dextrous than anything else has shown) to paint him as petty. He'd rather they painted him as the wrong man to cross, but it would take a lot to make that stick at this point.

let's see who the true leader of the GOP is

i'd love to see a GOP roundtable debate without a moderator or any questions. just 10 candidates (or 15 or 20 or whatever they're up to now) shouting over each other and competing for attention for 2 hours

― 1992 ball boy (Karl Malone),

how do you tell the difference

in my version a fistfight breaks out at the halfway point

between who?

a moderated and unmoderated GOP debate

The god of GOP candidates demands more sacrifices! More! Bring them to me so that I may feast!

lol

i imagine an involuntary eyeroll from lindsay graham could be like the assassination of archduke ferdinand

roy innis should run

they should have round-robin cage-match style debates

they should make them all stand on little poles out in the water, like on survivor. just to winnow it down a little. last five or six get to be real candidates. winner gets immunity for the next primary.

The official 'only 10 candidates' debate has an satellite linkup to an 11th podium in the cage, suspended by chains 8 feet over the floor. There are ladders.

NCAA-style brackets, dude

i think there should definitely be a wildcard "mystery candidate" slot, where one of the candidates eliminated in the early rounds gets to come back and the camera cuts to the stunned faces of the others, who thought they'd gotten away with burning their bridges. oh shit -- now it's on!

finale features final grudge-match battle w reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan

reagan corpse has been keeping track of how many times candidates name-checked him. his wrath is terrible.

I want Issa to run, if only so he can shout "BENGHAZI!" as the answer to every question

Couldn't stand the guy and he was a recovering alcoholic, but that said, I would've had a beer with Shrubya.

It would've been like me walking into the bar at about 2:30 in the afternoon, and he's there by himself, and I'm just about to turn back out before anyone sees me, but no, he's all WHERE YOU GOING, PLAINS? COME HERE AND HAVE A DRINK. Then he holds up a sketch of a poodle he's drawn on a receipt pad, and I'd be all OK, JUST ONE.

But this zoo that's running now? Not a one. Maybe Rand if I was already blitzed, but that's it.

i would have a beer with W if part of the deal was that i could poison the beer

Sneaky bastard would hold up a vial of antidote between his finger and thumb and say, WAY AHEAD OF YOU, DOC. BEEN TAKING THIS STUFF FOR YEARS.

i'd go to a wedding with carly fiorina

I would have a beer w Lady Lindsey, feel like partying w him could get p weird

all right i tried to dream up some more activity+candidate ideas and that's p much it

xp

like you have a heineken and the next thing you know you're both going with a hippie to a second location which turns out to actually be a drone-control center and you spend the rest of the night blowing up weddings in Yemen

Feel like an afternoon drunk with Lindsey would be full of vague statements and awkward stares.

He'd say, "you understand what I mean by that, right Plains?" and not blink for a solid minute. My mind would bounce back and forth between "Is he talking about his sexuality?" or "does he think I'm racist too because I'm white?"

i'd enjoy a nice afternoon stroll with the jindals, maybe some coffee and gelato, maybe a oh fuck it im kinda diggin bobby jindals wife

whens she gonna ditch the goof with the supercut and get with a real thug

lol @ ethan

which turns out to actually be a drone-control center and you spend the rest of the night blowing up weddings in Yemen

c'mon, this is an Obama fantasy, give credit where it's due

not a fantasy

as you would usually be the first to point out

tried to dream up some more activity+candidate ideas and that's p much it

I would shoot an apple off the head of Scott Walker.

in obama fantasy you'll do a bit of augustine & aquinas reading at the drone-control center

i meant the fantasy of giving Shakey a clearance

wd get stoned with carly but it appears she's anti-pot :(

Jindal has a 27 percent approval rating as gov of Louisiana. 27 percent! I don't understand the mentality of someone who has a 27 percent approval rating as governor and thinks they will/should get elected president.

Christie on his heels