even more quiddities and agonies of the ruling class - a new rolling new york times thread

i read that! just sounded like toughlove to me.

this basically was his IDing "so not gonna happen" as her Achilles

ummmmmm....... no.

i mean i guess i could imagine situations or circumstances where appearance would be on the table, for example if the patient had known issues or anxieties or feelings about her appearance. but basically this is just the male shrink sitting there, apparently tuning out while the person talks about her life and actual concerns -- even, in fact, while her life is improving massively in the areas she seems concerned about -- drumming his fingers and thinking to himself "yeah but DUHHH dress better you frump!" and then being so confident that this was appropriate that he brings it up to her, is surprised she doesn't buy it (but congratulates himself for that, cause clearly that means he's touching some important psychological nerve rather than just being an asshole). and then the stupid comparison to erotic transference and all that. it's not equivalent, it has nothing to do with that. and he tells the whole story to the world, apparently expecting a chorus of "am i right, fellas?"

fuck that! she didn't hire a makeover specialist or even a relationship coach. women are not put on the earth to dress the way their therapists, or anybody else, think is pretty. his answer to that is, "hey, that's the society we live in!" well guess what pal, that makes you part of the fucking problem. btw how does he expect her to react when she reads this in the nation's newspaper of record? wow, great breakthrough. real tough love there.

yeah it's like he's all yadda yadda anxiety etc but

casino otm

dr may just be writing this in a much more inappropriate voice than he would use in his sessions but unless she is specifically seeking feedback on that issue, step the fuck off...and even then, if she is asking for help on the dating front good lord there are better ways to address it as a *psychotherapist*

fuck that dr forever is how i feel with his garbagey frumpshaming opinion piece

Details have been altered to protect patient privacy.

Huh. What's the protocol on this sort of publication of patient information exactly? I'd have thought patient privacy involved more than anonymity. I hope he got consent to print this.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Now, he holds two parties — at Christmas and during the summer — in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, where he recently became a resident (it has a low tax rate). The cost: About $25,000 per party, he said. Last August he celebrated his 40th birthday there, surrounded by friends and family.

Mr. Grinda said he has learned a lot from his very big downgrade.

Which, at least to Greta, would have raised the reasonable question, Why on earth would she want me to find her appealing? The whole thing reeked of grossness. Like it or not, in raising the issue, I could be viewed as endorsing regressive cultural norms, implicitly justifying or defending the regrettable behavior of my gender.

yes i agree it does reek of grossness, you are very perceptive dr. hellerstein

^^^ transference

but this felt different than usual nytimes, reminded me a little of like old-fashioned new yorker "talk of the town"

yeah, it's got the arch understatement of old ToTTs down cold

i am basically a gay male frump and fully acknowlege it's why i've never had a serious bf.

Are you sure

no

sometimes i just blame it on the boogie

or that gay men have the worst fucking taste on the planet

I like how he takes pains to put the word "dowdy" in someone else's mouth at the beginning of the piece. Nice self-exoneration there.

Also, I wonder what world that guy lives in where "unfashionable hairstyles" are a primary barrier to relationship formation.

Every therapist at some point discovers his limitations, be it a type of person he can’t help or an issue he is unable to successfully address. For whatever reason — a poor match of patient and doctor? my own deficiencies as a therapist? the complexities of our society’s gender relations? — the dowdy patient was mine.­

Maybe this whole piece is his way of saying "Sexy Patients Only, Please"

Psychiatric Help 5¢
The Doctor Is In
No Fat Chicks

I looked at dude's background and not sure how he can claim "years of psychotherapy training." Dude went to med school, then did psych residency. None of that involves training or practice in actual psychotherapy. His deficiencies in psychotherapy training are painfully obvious. Dude should stick to meeting with patients for 10 minutes every 3 months to write scripts.

I can and will totally nail this guy in the balls should I ever run into him.

i'm generally inclined to shrug and say 'ugh, lame' but then there's the fact that he thought writing this in the new york times was a good idea

yeah, absolutely. But I am also shocked at this psychiatrist's comically shallow view of human psychology! "If you'd just do something about those shoes, then you'd land a man!" This is sub-Cosmo idiocy.

Like how many people do you know who don't have conventionally "good" fashion sense, and have been able to enter and maintain relationships that fulfill their needs?

Just to be clear, I know like a million people who fit that description. Re-reading my question, I worry that I'm stating the opposite!

apparently this guy teaches at columbia. wow. i'd hope to see some blowback on campus, but it's summer and things are pretty quiet.

really the achilles heel of campus activism, do whatever the crap you want on summer break (results may vary at Dartmouth)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CIX9lRKUkAAyUcj.jpg

smdh

literally smdh

her uterus literally aches

Key theme of that article is that they're better than everyone, and that is what truly makes it unfair that they have to make basic human choices about finances.

It's a strange mourning process I can't really discuss openly with others, mainly because people our age often don't plan as meticulously as we do.

It's our quiet sacrifice but it's also our beautiful life, well-earned and fully-lived.

Can't believe that isn't Clickhole.

We planned our family. It's something unique to us as superior people. We call it family planning. We're the first to ever think of it.

quietly

and not to be discussed openly

like in a blog article

Jesus Christ she's a stay at home mom. Go back to work and you can probably afford that third kid you twit.

ehhh idk about that

She covers that in the article! Going back to work means they'd have to pay for childcare for all three kids, which would eat up the entire extra salary she would make as a teacher.

haaaaa these comments

Emily Sue Lund · Chicago, Illinois
I couldn't even make it all the way through. It's terribly written and makes me wonder if her uterus aches because someone punched her in it after hearing her sad little tale of woe.
Reply · · 5 · about an hour ago

lol

She covers that in the article! Going back to work means they'd have to pay for childcare for all three kids, which would eat up the entire extra salary she would make as a teacher.

I couldn't get that far.

This is the American dream and we are in it, living it, every day, just the four of us.

I do appreciate her restraint in not adding "Fuck everyone else." to the end of that sentence.

That said, this is pretty standard issue upper middle class suburban nonsense from Elle magazine, not really on the same level as what fills up the read of this thread (the national paper of record's tendency to fill its pages with flattering puff pieces on the incredibly wealthy and actually powerful)

the rest of this thread, I mean….not "the read of this thread"

All these articles about how upper-middle class families save money with a stay-at-home parent, I'm not sure how my parents and every single family I grew up around (all two-worker working/middle class) managed to survive.

I hope they pull the trigger on downsizing and it turns out she's infertile.

If you're rich and think that you need to pay 15K per child per year in child care, then it saves money to have the teacher or nonprofit worker in your partnership be a stay-at-home parent while you go to the law firm or your IT job or whatever.

Lest I sound too condescending there, I should note that I'm a teacher married to a nonprofit worker

I have two kids and to be honest that's kind of a lot of kids

I hope they pull the trigger on downsizing and it turns out she's infertile.

Oof I know this is a joke and these are horrible people but having been infertile myself it's a rough thing to wish on somebody, even in jest.

Also yeah I'd like to look at her cost breakdown of childcare. It's not cheap but would it really entirely offset a teacher's salary? Probably the childcare arrangements they would be willing to entertain would.

canned food for an entire year huh