God bless the goddamn Onion

i just lol'd hard at: Dancing 7-Year-Old Looks To Expand Fan Base From Parents To Parents' Friends
https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/629256884495593472

― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 6 August 2015 11:48 (ten years ago)

two weeks pass...

Holy shit:

New SeaWorld Show Just Elephant Drowning IN Large Tank Of Water With No Explanation

http://www.theonion.com/article/new-seaworld-show-just-elephant-drowning-large-tan-51139

― the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Friday, 21 August 2015 15:28 (ten years ago)

That last line...

― not a garbageman, i am garbage, man (m bison), Friday, 21 August 2015 16:24 (ten years ago)

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/634803513139286020

― usic ally (k3vin k.), Friday, 21 August 2015 19:17 (ten years ago)

that's a new classic

― where the sterls have no name (s.clover), Friday, 21 August 2015 20:24 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/isis-operatives-destroy-hofner-bass-guitar-signed--51189?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

ILM will get a kick out of this.

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 28 August 2015 18:59 (ten years ago)

Ha, just came here to post that. Brilliant, though it's hard to pinpoint just how.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 31 August 2015 19:13 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/nasa-deploys-congressional-rover-search-funding-51231?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:1:Default

― Οὖτις, Wednesday, 2 September 2015 19:56 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/new-subway-promotion-to-honor-subtember-11-33768?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:NA:InFocus

*laughs nervously*

― usic ally (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 9 September 2015 18:27 (ten years ago)

https://scontent-hkg3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/12009638_10104599970678693_4412498355279813165_n.jpg

― écorché (S-), Monday, 14 September 2015 08:37 (ten years ago)

http://images1.browardpalmbeach.com/imager/via-twitter/u/original/6459080/marriott_911.jpg

― écorché (S-), Monday, 14 September 2015 08:38 (ten years ago)

^ shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

― pplains, Monday, 14 September 2015 13:32 (ten years ago)

these two are LOL

http://www.theonion.com/article/ethical-hunter-throws-duck-he-shot-back-sky-51355?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:1:Default

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/trees-planted-poor-neighborhood-mature-just-time-g-51281

― my cheeriness amazes me (rip van wanko), Monday, 21 September 2015 20:35 (ten years ago)

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

― silverfish, Friday, 2 October 2015 13:29 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/obama-follows-white-stallion-moonlit-rose-garden-51554

― Neil S, Friday, 16 October 2015 12:19 (ten years ago)

two weeks pass...

The best thing about the "No Way To Prevent This" article is that they seem to be re-posting it nearly verbatim, with just the locations changed, when a new mass shooting happens.

http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131

http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-prevent-says-only-nation-where-regularly-ha-51443

― Dan I., Monday, 2 November 2015 00:32 (ten years ago)

Published on my birthday: http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/shit-i-was-supposed-have-learned-something-having--51778

― pplains, Thursday, 5 November 2015 01:34 (ten years ago)

two weeks pass...

Onion-esque sites not run by the Onion are usually terrible, but I sometimes find The Hard Times to be pretty good:
http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/19/west-oakland-punks-hold-vegan-bake-sale-end-gentrification/

― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Saturday, 21 November 2015 04:41 (ten years ago)

"Am i missing how a bake sale help ends gentrification?"

― koogs, Saturday, 21 November 2015 16:16 (ten years ago)

The Hard Times has some great ones. A recent one I'm partial to is Punk Dad Prefers Son's Earlier Stuff.

― JRN, Saturday, 21 November 2015 18:06 (ten years ago)

http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/23/mans-tattoo-a-constant-reminder-of-time-of-time-he-stabbed-panther-in-face/

― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 24 November 2015 04:18 (ten years ago)

i'm still non-onion onions but the hard times has definitely made me laugh

http://thehardtimes.net/2015/05/06/mid-twenties-hardcore-fan-enters-liking-hockey-phase/

― balls, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 22:48 (ten years ago)

Oh man that punk dad one - I saw the pic and thought "that's not Eugene!" as I was right near the spot where that was taken in Spokane yesterday (with my son, whose earlier, colic-influence work I definitely do not prefer):

http://i0.wp.com/thehardtimes.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/poppy.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/YIbnDja.jpg

― joygoat, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 23:26 (ten years ago)

Colic is the noise of children.

― nickn, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 23:32 (ten years ago)

if we're allowed to do hard times articles, this one started out slow but had a few great moments halfway in:

http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/20/mixed-bill-show-creates-opportunity-new-people-meet-share-ideas-fist-fight/

― big WHOIS aka the nameserver (s.clover), Thursday, 26 November 2015 18:57 (ten years ago)

ska jokes may be a low form of humor, but they work

― big WHOIS aka the nameserver (s.clover), Thursday, 26 November 2015 18:58 (ten years ago)

yeah i think it's gonna take a LOT of ska jokes for me not to find ska jokes funny

― balls, Thursday, 26 November 2015 21:18 (ten years ago)

They need to pick it up

― joygoat, Friday, 27 November 2015 02:00 (ten years ago)

lol

― goole, Monday, 30 November 2015 18:20 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/frustrated-gunman-cant-believe-how-far-he-has-driv-51923

― mookieproof, Monday, 30 November 2015 21:58 (ten years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/article/reince-priebus-forced-back-into-ancient-puzzle-box-29803

― The Male Gaz Coombes (Neil S), Friday, 15 January 2016 14:53 (ten years ago)

The fuck ... ?

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/20/business/media/univision-buying-large-stake-in-the-onion.html

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 19 January 2016 16:41 (ten years ago)

two weeks pass...

I hope the Onion homepage has a keypad and "PRESS ONE FOR ENGLISH" on it for a week

― we salute you, our half-inflated dark lord (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 8 February 2016 19:16 (ten years ago)

https://twitter.com/the_intercept/status/699700005628674053 hmmmmmm

― lazy rascals, spending their substance, and more, in riotous living (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:14 (ten years ago)

well it is pretty weak

― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:30 (ten years ago)

Feels like there have been a bit too many of these kind of things lately:

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/top-advantages-ditching-cable-52372

I get that they have to make money and it feels weird to complain about the journalistic objectivity of the onion, but still

― silverfish, Wednesday, 17 February 2016 15:06 (ten years ago)

three weeks pass...

dying: http://www.theonion.com/article/noam-chomsky-announces-las-vegas-residency-52508

― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:09 (ten years ago)

ok i lol'd @ “I’m so excited—I’ve been into Chomsky since college,” said 49-year-old Boise, ID social worker Karen Wenning

― Mordy, Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:12 (ten years ago)

Wow:

Drone Places Fresh Kill On Steps Of White House

― the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:18 (ten years ago)

i guess Hil's big donor hasn't trussed em up yet

http://www.theonion.com/article/clinton-throws-flash-grenade-divert-attention-ques-52499

― we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 March 2016 21:24 (ten years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/i-would-die-2-know-52896

― ejemplo (crüt), Monday, 9 May 2016 19:29 (ten years ago)

like rupert murdoch, the onion's scott dikkers is calling it for captain combover ~ seriously

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/confidential/onion-founder-thinks-trump-faked-lawyer-article-1.2644422?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link

― reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 22 May 2016 20:11 (ten years ago)

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