Bait My Clickhole

Earlier today, Clickhole published one of its trademark “Find Out What [Three Celebrities] Have to Say” stories with the following quote from Cooper’s fictional NYU commencement speech:

“Graduation is a big deal—bigger than getting a hole-in-one while golfing. People might think you’re lying about the hole-in-one, but when you graduate, you get a diploma.”

Anderson CooperVerified account
‏@andersoncooper Anderson Cooper retweeted ClickHole
Ummm... @Clickhole, do u make this stuff up? I never said this quote and never spoke to the NYU class of 2015.

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/while-i-agree-hitler-was-one-historys-greatest-mon-2421

https://40.media.tumblr.com/2705e340474bb3e0b42f4f8ff69daeb5/tumblr_nom94eCNoi1typl03o1_540.jpg

Healing Old Wounds: This Man Facebook Friended A Guy He Used To Bully And Invited Him To Like Sublime

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CFik7ECW0AANJ4B.jpg

ppl have a hard time understanding jokes

Salman Rushdie twitter almost sounds like an Onion article, but isn't.

its insane how terrible and dumb rushdie comes off on twitter

'And if you believe that, there's a bridge I'd like to sell you.'
- Salman Rushdie, on his favorite way to end phone calls.

trolls own a lot of bridges

http://chimg.onionstatic.com/1337/9/original/640.jpg

or it falls off.

idk i've been thinking about the orson welles war of the worlds broadcast a lot & i've concluded, people who see something that looks like news and think 'hey, that's some news,' are not total fucking idiots

"It's Halloween. He just said there's aliens in New Jersey. Would you think for just a moment?"

"BUT IF IT'S ON THE RADIO THAN IT HAS TO BE TRUE!"

I didn't see all the Rushdie reply, but I'm assuming he might have been replying to people who sent it to him saying "Is this for real?"

tbh Welles was really tricky in that radio had dramas and news but he was, to my knowledge, the first one to do a full-blown long-running fake news report. it was even possible people wouldn't be able to pick up another radio station to really confirm things.

tbh it said "and now another presentation by The Mercury Radio Theatre, HG Wells' etc etc" at the start, and the story about it panicking thousands of listeners was PR by Welles afterwards

thousands was... a bit of an exaggeration

It was timed such that people turning over from a particular radio show when that finished, would pick it up in the middle and think it for real.

I have it some place on cassette, the only real clue is an 'on the street' interview which is comedy, more.

I heard on Radio Lab that it had to do with the most popular radio show of that era having a crappy, unpopular singer on, making a bunch of people switch over in the middle, right where WotW was at it's most newsy.

Other fun stories in that show had to do with what had happened when the radio-program was redone in other parts of the world. Well, 'fun', in Bogota, I think it was, they burned down the studio, and people died.

“Every day, we inflate these balloons by whispering our worst secret into them,” he continues. “Then we let the balloons carry our bad secrets up to Mischief Man, who lives in Sky Hell. Once Mischief Man receives our bad secrets, He will send the Apple Maniac out of the woods to us. If the Apple Maniac tells us that he hates democracy, that means that Mischief Man has forgiven us for our bad secrets. But if the Apple Maniac tells us that he loves bugs, then that means that Mischief Man has not forgiven us, and that we are loathsome in the eyes of Mischief Man. I’m just wild about Mischief Man."

http://www.clickhole.com/article/6-disney-characters-everyone-had-hots-growing-2503

http://www.clickhole.com/video/dont-understand-bitcoin-man-will-mumble-explanatio-2537

http://www.clickhole.com/clickventure/you-arrive-america-2435#1,

“Your new name is Cthulhu Yachtsman. Here are your papers.”

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/how-many-these-smiths-songs-have-you-heard-2555

“Just once, I would like to make a game where Mario takes his shirt off, but I know that I can never do this because the date that the world will end is written on Mario’s chest.”

http://i.imgur.com/pMHLQrX.jpg

http://www.clickhole.com/article/16-ways-human-body-actually-unbelievable-2536

"14. Running out of sweat is the only way a human body can die."

Oh, look, it's 'Bruce' again aka Danish prime minister candidate Lars Løkke Rasmussen. I wonder if it's timed to coincide with the Danish election in a few weeks. That running joke freaks me out every time...

damn they're on fire today

different level

http://www.clickhole.com/article/incredible-listen-these-people-talk-about-worst-jo-2572

doris is the best, especially the way she imitates the talking baby

also

http://www.clickhole.com/article/6-gazebos-forever-sullied-blow-jobs-transpired-the-2492

thanks clickhole for allowing me to say "blowjob gazebo" to 2 different people today

Just came here to post that. Amazing.

Never mind all that: You lot! 'fess up!

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/are-you-film-buff-2563

http://www.clickhole.com/article/finally-family-lineage-website-just-tells-you-bull-2514

The site linked in the story works.

funny when they take potshots at their sponsors:

http://i.imgur.com/bOJyz1U.png

http://www.clickhole.com/article/every-crepe-lover-will-recognize-man-who-hates-cre-2584

this is so dumb but I can't stop laughing

The man who hates crepes belongs in Punishment World.

i recently reread the "pictures of jen larry" article and realized i love the ones that become insane sermons that end with "Amen."

Gwyneth Paltrow Tried To Survive A Week On Food Stamps And She Died

What Is A Nice Fruit To Have At Night?

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/pharaohs-silicon-valley-my-journey-through-google--2618

“This is the end of our journey together,” Upright Mammal informs me as we stand once again at the front entrance of the Google headquarters. “It was a pleasure revealing the hideous miracles of Google to you. Please accept this gift to remember your time here with us.”

He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me.

On the front is a picture of the Google Chrome logo wearing bifocals. On the back is a handwritten note that says “Sergey Brin is a marionette that Larry Page built when he was a child. He has come to life and gone mad with power. Larry is afraid of him. Everyone is afraid of him. He lays eggs. Please send the United States military to destroy this place.”

I put the note into my pocket and tell Upright Mammal that I will treasure it forever.

“Please take me away from here,” Upright Mammal says to me as we shake hands. “The Puppet hears everything. He is more powerful than nature. He is what God has nightmares about.”

I give him my business card and tell him to keep in touch.

OMG that was amazing

yes

inspirational

the letters were scary

the videos are always my favorites

http://www.clickhole.com/video/beautiful-gay-couple-argues-parking-lot-2507

http://www.clickhole.com/article/7-types-boyfriend-every-woman-goes-through-2582