Blue Saturday

gd wish i was there

what's the coffee like at ur local

i'd imagine it's adequate but as i intimated tbh this is a dilemma of financial rather than mental/physical health dimensions

i dunno i don't care if i had enough to just wobble my way down the rest of the rd i wd gladly take it right now, peace that passeth any standing

it gets wearing scraping the money together for enough to drink often enough, shit got so expensive

the price of drink would drive you to drink obv

I thought yesterday was payday and that I was doing well this month, rong, rong. ah well.

next thursday, but it's not like it alleviates much

bus pass, bye (to butcher Yeats)

i think maybe with pub too i feel bad when i do and bad when i don't

finding the wrong kind of company tbh, tho i cherish it

yay i remember now why i don't drink

might kill myself later when i've got the strength

nobody cares tho, they enjoy my drunken presence but nobody ever says "hey jim you stopped doing this do you think you shd stop again now because you've been here for at least 12 hours and tbh you look a bit crusty and spittly and grungy and ffs dude you are essentially wrecking yrself yeah?"

i am now gon' run thru SNA posting "X otfm" for a bit or something

i't's kinda im[rressive or depressive how much monet you can run thru once the wheels drop off

ime ppl just want the expected you and don't rly care if yr habits are self-destructive bc it's what they expect. some kind of foucaultian panopticism shit. for evidence of this watch ppl's reactions when you tell them about some big life improvement yr'e making, like "i decided to stop eating meat" or "i'm starting a course of religious austerities" and see how alienated they become

yeah. and tbf most of my friends like a drink and i wd be argumentative if i were encouraged to stop mid-session.

but there's gots to be more than this, love/hate it as i do

some big life improvement yr'e making, like "i decided to stop eating meat"

ah here now

i recently quit being 100% veg and got the same kinds of reactions fwiw

None of my friends are judgy about my diet in any direction, and if they are they keep that shit to themselves, this is the way I would keep it for the same reason I hope nobody ever says "hey jim you stopped doing this do you think you shd stop again now because you've been here for at least 12 hours and tbh you look a bit crusty and spittly and grungy and ffs dude you are essentially wrecking yrself yeah?" to me

My name isn't Jim for one

I mean supporting me in changes I decide to make is one thing

btw guys playing that Morton Feldman and John Cage in conversation video over a loop of the Animal Crossing music is probly the best thing i have ever devised

yeah. and tbf most of my friends like a drink

sigh ... it often makes me wonder if i should get different friends

looking forward to vomiting in a bit

btw guys playing that Morton Feldman and John Cage in conversation video over a loop of the Animal Crossing music is probly the best thing i have ever devised

the closest semi-successful thing i've done like this was play eno's "neroli" layered over "thursday afternoon"

good sleep music

i am planning a 900 person dinner

just fyi it's in 5 days

almost panicked just thinking about that

thank you

In your HOUSE?

NO. thank god. jesus you almost just gave me a heart murmur. : )

jkjk

hahaa

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05v2xkr/pop-slam-series-2-3-sam-smith-v-selena-gomez

for a limited time only may feature 2 seconds of Hannah around the 2'10" mark

Selena Gomez was on my last issue of V magazine. she looked 12.

told Han 2 years ago she'd've chosen Selena over Sam Smith in a shot

monday morning, dark grey drizzle sky, y/day i realised i got nothing going on but the same empty distractions - which isn't depressing as such, i am fairly firmly post-depression, but it is...pitiful or pathetic or something of that ilk

summer is never going to come, i'm never going to be not bumping along the line of subsistence

ugh

need to empty my head more. outside has been unpleasantly unreal/distant lately.

I have been looking at drugs.com for a safer version of self-medication lately and discovered Rhodiola Rosea, just mentioning it because allegedly it can be beneficial for managing mild to moderate depression and mental fatigue. I couldn't tell you if it is any good because it hasn't dropped through the letterbox yet but I was reading somewhere that it is has been used by the Russian military for decades as an organic stimulant.

interesting

the more i think about it the more i think about how everything revolves around science and chemistry but then there's art which throws me off

i dunno, all i know is that drugs can be a good thing

hey hannah on tv!

wait are we only supposed to post on this thread on Saturdays? oops

no, just on saturnine days iirc

ok got it

I think we agreed it was "blues at ur day"

^^^

Blues a turd, ay

I'm in a readerly mood today, gonna start several books and not finish them

Very nearly bought a copy of bernhard's der untergeher that had been discounted to £1 in waterstone's, even though it was in German

Thinking of reading trollope's palliser novels, they look appealing sitting on my shelf idk

My friend just read all of zola's 20-novel cycle, I forget the name, it was kind of inspiring, kind of what kind of demented hobbyist reads (writes) novels tbpfidkw/e

Took me a thousand years to read Céline's trilogy and I don't know what I got from it

's funny i've got 3 or 4 books on the go atm and can't get stuck into anything, not sure if this is encroaching senility or what

Kristin Davis is gorgeous

no argument here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51dEUKCMyIk

that spiraling apathy and somnolence that consumes me all weekend... can't tell if it's better or worse than the anxiety that accompanies the work week. i guess with the latter there's less chance of me going off the deep end.

work week anxiety is so fake though. it's like you get home and you think about that thing that happened at work and you're like, was i acting in a play?

weird, that's exactly how i felt the other week - "why do i behave like that? i don't like it, it isn't me"

yea it's like you 2.0