Society is in the gutter

live audience: Is there any other kind of audience? Rows of corpses? When a writer says: ‘Kylie performed in front of a live audience’, it should be: ‘Kylie performed live in front of an audience’. This holds good for recorded performances with an audience present.

what

the bendy yellow fruit (a banana)

This is the best one, but we all know exactly the context in which it was used.

it's important to maintain the levity of your story about a walrus who plays the saxophone

so much lol in that style guide

love how the implied addressee is a very stupid child

inelegant variation should be as knowingly laboured as possible to preserve the gaiety of the nation

the bendy yellow fruit (a banana)

This is the best one, but we all know exactly the context in which it was used.

nicky wire in a bendy yellow fruit suit?

Strong "...in the gutter" / Real England flavour to the comments on this Guardian piece:

http://www.theguardian.com/cities/2015/apr/29/manchester-trafford-park-world-first-industrial-estate-history-cities-50-buildings

Long grey rows of tenements

Playing marbles on the grates in the alleyways

The trainmen used to throw us food from the engine as they went past.

The park around the corner had a stuffed crocodile that we used to jump on and then run away scared.

Fogs so thick that we got lost going home from school despite it being just across the street.

The name of the local sweet shop was Coopers.

Esp. enjoy the contribution of Sperrin, always eager to jump in and correct people on the faulty detail of their memories of 1950s childhoods:

"there were no tenements" etc.

http://k-punk.org/abandon-hope-summer-is-coming/

beyond self-parody

It’s Ed Sheeran and Rudimental rather than Rufige Kru.

guess he slept on that Goldie remix of the real red Ed

supermarket check-out operatives replaced by crap robots… unexpected item in bagging area… every surface plastered with corporate graffiti and haranguing hashtags

Everything seen through a downer haze… “Mostly you self-medicate” … comfort eating and bitter drinking …. What’s your poison?

an ellipsis between every four or five words... no full sentences... ground control to major tom... mcdonalds... that go compare ad... #bringbackourgirls ... tracksuits... smaller chocolate bars

walk out of the house... "you can always go... downtown" - figure of speech... figure of eight... figure of fun... britain's got... talent put on an old vinyl - val doonigan... toilet still works... for now ... mcluhan ... microwave curry... please sir can i have some more

i actually hadn't even read this bit before i wrote those:

Time for one more, Nigel?

Time, gentlemen, please ….

There is no time … Time is on your side (yes it is) …

this is how it's done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG_RvGqG9VI

also there's a new pre-new album out

Time out...time waits for no mandate...timestretch...what the time dred?...how does my dog smell the time? dreadful!

Just reading these in the 'Fitter, Happier' voice.

UKIP leaflets in a litter bin at Manningtree station, Essex, on Wednesday

At least in the pre-internet days when you were in youthful idiocy stage, on speed talking absolute nonsense or writing bad poetry there was no permanent record to come back and haunt you.

http://i.imgur.com/mlgq4gF.jpg

lol i was just thinking about this thread. some classic quotes imo.

McWilliams is the perfect nothing fuckwith to bookend the Celtic tiger.

He did alright for himself in its aftermath

yeah but I mean consider the validity of the measure

Society may be in the gutter but it used to be in the sewer

Anyway, we're missing the point. What are we to do with this nationwide infestation of Bebo clones and boy-racers??

everywhere i look a 9-yr old has an ipad now. i don't even have an ipad. what's wrong with this picture.

cyber children roam the streets, roided up on data

smothered in their data cocoon, they forget the use of speech and mindmeld with their robot brethren through the furious click-clacking of computer keys

this generation has long ago "swiped left" on morals and values

gleefully dismantling society "piece by piece"? there's an "app" for that

we "liked" things in my day too. we "liked" them. oh we "liked" them alright.

you used to have to type a number on your smartphone, now you just pull a nasty face at a pensioner and it'll speed dial your whole gang

i stuck my penis in the headphone jack of my smartphone the other day - not a policeman in sight. i did it again. nothing. i called them to tell them i'd done it - not their problem, not me guv.

i can't figure out how to snap a chat for the life of me. i got one the other day and nearly had a seizure. when i was a kid, we could chat without the wonders of visual editing technology.

I remember when a Yorkie could barely fit in your hand. 'Tis all downsizing and up-pricing these days....

Seriously though, smaller Yorkies are a fucking travesty

remember when lifesavers used to be hard?

My google search for "Bebo Clone" was dissappointing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoGTkOtSc18

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/woman-poo-bm-bargains-southport-9436282

taking a b.m. in b&m

Fucking hell.

siitg Brazilian style

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CIvt4sEWoAEQiIN.jpg

"percussionista lesbica"?

needs more teeth

don't worry, Alan Titchmarsh is here to save us

TITCHMARSH'S MANIFESTO FOR BRITAIN: CELEBRITY GARDENER PLEDGES TO RESTORE COMMON SENSE TO PARLIAMENT

1. Election campaigns to last one day - not five weeks.

2. Anyone who throws litter out of a car will spend a week working at the local tip.

3. Sell-by dates on food and antibacterial wipes will be abolished. Food lasts longer than you think and you need to build up your antibodies in the interests of not being a burden on the NHS.

4. Poldark will be screened every Sunday evening throughout the year

5. Wire coat-hangers will be banned

6. If you chop down a tree you plant another five to replace it.

7. All children will have lessons in nature and gardening from the ages of five through to 18.

8. Tweeting is to be outlawed and a charge of £100 a year levied on those who feel the need to go on Facebook.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3144377/Watch-Cameron-Alan-Titchmarsh-reveals-ambition-MP-calls-Poldark-screened-year-bans-sell-dates-Twitter.html#ixzz3eYWKZK15
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RIP DM twitter feed

remember when he lost his cool at cesar millan

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CLVVrSUWwAAk0G_.jpg

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11831812_10207695193121550_4184049604962623457_n.jpg?oh=0a09f537500f90c502f82bd594061b68&oe=565602B4

CROSS-HATCHING OF THE 80'S