Severe Anxiety

i don't think there are any more of those either, sorry

xp

― meat of beef (Jordan), Thursday, 26 March 2009 21:27 (1 minute ago) Bookmark

oh shit then what am i working at :-/

i'm living a lie

i am graduating and i don't have a job but i don't feel anxious really and i'm worrying about how maybe i should, and it's making me anxious!

if you can manage to not feel anxious about it, that's GREAT! as long as you are putting out applications and don't need anxiety's kick in the ass to do it, it wouldn't do you any good anyway.

i would start updating that resume, louis. maybe you can get a job at the internet factory.

no i have not done many applications but i haven't moved or taken the bar yet so i have time

the internet factory probably requires experience in factories :(

max no lie one of my friends is becoming a small-time publisher and if u want we will publish u in your hour of need, ink onto paper, that one can feel with the hand, it is there

also his (our) press is gonna be called ⓒ_ⓒ Press (at my instigation, mostly)

L0uis jagg3r's cooking with camembert

max u should make plans to move to france - it helped me my lyfe is basically a total mess but im anxiety free because if all else fails ill be chilling in europe and making paintings

some of us probly need to sharpen up basic food smarts before the french allow settlement :(

i would love to randomly move to europe. i'd live in denmark or norway probably. but there is the whole visa issue.

you could marry a finn

where can i find a finn who aims marriage?

yeah this chick i no just moved to france after undergrad and loves it shes workin for the u.n. now but she turned me on to all the visa loopholes that she knew and ive got a little french so that helps

grad school in europe seems like a cool thing too btw another friend of mine is doing that

are you for real moving to france??

im trying to move 2 italy but id b open 2 france

moving to a new country seems like a great way to alleviate severe anxiety

depends on the country! I moved to China for a while and immediately transformed into a nervous wreck.

going to france next month; maybe i should ask for asylum

as long as we are talking about anxiety how about social anxiety? (i wonder if being around the french would make it worse, seriously)
social anxiety is sort of like a catch-22 because the best you can do is learn to deal with it better. it doesn't go away in my experience

On the plus side, there is now actual press interest in the normally ignored travails of twenty-somethings:

http://www.slate.com/id/2214712/

social anxiety in a foreign country where you don't speak the language well is horrendous. on the one hand, your tolerance of it goes way up because your everyday interactions are SO much worse than anything you regularly deal with at home, and looking like an idiot is not such an issue, so it makes it better when you do move back home. on the other hand, for a while, it's pretty constantly painfully awkward, and it's easy to just isolate yourself.

i need 2 see a doctor again and probably start running

thnk u 4 the kind wrds laurel

also i need a job that i dont mind going to every day and doesnt feel like a total dead-end waste of my time

Also BTW my experience is that it is normal and maybe even good to start one's post-collegiate careers with those particular anxieties, spend a few years feeling bummed and pathetic and incapable of even fully imagining the attainment of a workable adult life, then start feeling comfortable with what you're doing and suddenly wake up at toward the end of your 20s realizing that you have begun to attain those things without even realizing you were working on it, just via the subtle accretion of mundane life-changes you didn't think were particularly important.

its def a plan - the only med school i got into is not what i wanted - its in a place i dont want to live, the school doesnt have a great immuno/microbiology program and im waitlisted everywhere else. all the money ive saved has been credit crunched so id have to go into debt to afford school, my job contract ends in june and my lease is up in july i had a long-term relationship end my current one is pretty shitty so yth not. ive got a few friends there to live with and a couple of ppl i know here would be into moving as well weve talked seriously about for sure.

theres also a bunch of family anxiety thats too boring for ilx but it would be really good to escape that and just the crushing feeling of worthlessness and failure that my lyfe is now

i was jking about it being good to move to a new country--that actually sounds terrifying

nabisco why would i be calm and rational and patient about lyfe when i can look at all the other 23 yr olds doing incredible things & publishing novels & touring the worlds

also i need a job that i dont mind going to every day and doesnt feel like a total dead-end waste of my time

me too but at least youre fifteen years younger

go for it lamp that sounds rad im jealous

look at all the other 23 yr olds writing blogs

I am your guyses age and about to be unemployed again cause my contract is up.

I'm weirdly not anxious at the moment and sorta hopefully about some applications I have out. But if I'm where I am today a month from now...ugh.

I just lived in France and I'm not sure I want to move back, but me and one of my friends (who I met there) have been sorta thinking about maybe going back and teaching English. Moving to France does not tend to de-stress people, in my experience. Meme si tu parles francais.

harbl i dont even update my blog often enuf~~~now ill never get a presitigious blogging job~~~

Haha no, Max, I'm not saying you're supposed to be calm and rational and patient -- I'm saying you're supposed to feel pathetic and anxious and hopeless, but if it makes you feel any better (and it shouldn't) chances are you will gradually become comfortable with whatever it is you wind up doing, and shortly after that you may realize that you've gotten somewhere without even noticing it.

Also here's an amazing tip that has really, really helped me whenever any of my friends sell novels for large sums of money. Ask yourself: have you actually written a novel? And if the answer is "no," one awesome solution is to do that, and then try to sell it for a large amount of money.

slate article is interesting. lately i've just been feeling like, really, what is the point of even trying hard to make plans and save $$$ because i'll be paying student loans another 10 years, DC is expensive, and i actually really like my job but the salary is just not great & don't expect much on that horizon or opportunities to advance that don't require doing a job I don't like, or leaving a great organization. a lot of college friends of mine (don't know how else to describe, known them for ages but we're not that close) saved money and bought places and are all responsible and stuff.. i dunno. also i hate talking about money, house prices, and career opportunities but that's so much of what a lot of people in DC seem to talk about. ugh

problems w/ writing a novel include severe anxiety abt my writing talent, severe anxiety abt the things i wd like to say, severe anxiety abt the state of the publishing industry

maybe i will go home and write a series of interconnected vignettes centered around the closing of a beloved restaurant/record store/bookstore/blog

ENJOYED BEING 18 BECAUSE ITS BASICALLY ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE

Do exactly what you said, enjoy being eighteen!

I didn’t realise how shit everything was until I was in my 30’s, so shut up, stop being mard and enjoy til you’re old enough for it to matter.

*shakes head at youth of today*

france stressed me, it's not like parisians are open and welcoming, though i learned not to take it personal or consider it rudeness either. though on some levels the language barrier did me a favor, because i started to challenge the assumption i (unconsciously) had that a lot of situations are my problem & up to me to smooth things over and play along and be nice - actually no, it's your problem, you don't really have the right to take up my time or attention just because.

lol im not 18 btw i didnt enjoy being 18

a tale of two twitties

beloved community blog

xp

max if you look on it more as a craft that you have to practice, not a function of talent wherein you'll immediately have to prove whether or not you have it?

it could always be worse. that's pretty annoying advice though actually.

lol im not 18 btw i didnt enjoy being 18

see you're laughing already :)

(xpost to nabisco, daria) I think a lot of the anxiety about the 20s comes from seeing your friends who do seem to be doing really well, with good jobs and savings and just a level of security and accomplishment that you don't have. It's easy to blame the economy until you look at people your age who look like they just...got it right. (Full disclosure: I'm currently working part time jobs because I can't find a single full time job, and in the fall I'm going to graduate school, so I'm going to put off getting a "real job" until I'm around THIRTY.)

also max, about writing - i do think it is rewarding to work on things as hobbies that you might not be good at. i'm not a terribly artistic type myself, but running and cooking are like that for me, although i doubt i'd ever win a race or open a restaurant or anything like that.

yeah, something that's helped me with music lately is realizing that it's about making a decision about how you live your life (ie deciding it's something i'm always going to do) rather than worrying about what i haven't accomplished yet.

which i guess is just a version of "it's not the destination it's the journey"-style platitudes, but still.

maybe i will go home and write a series of interconnected vignettes centered around the closing of a beloved restaurant/record store/bookstore/blog

― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Thursday, March 26, 2009 6:10 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i am actually considering doing this btw, that thread made me think abt how much i <3 that format

ya guys u r all right. its helpful to put it out on the internet sometimes to make u feel better.

lyfe, u know

thanks htbfy - I definitely value a robust consultative/editorial process and seek that whenever I can (it is not always available to me unfortunately) - i do think that partially reduces my anxiety simply by giving me an "out" - ie "I do not have sole responsibility for these decisions" - which might be a bit of a weaselly response? have found anxiety is very good at perpetuating itself in sneaky ways. ideally I would like to feel like a grown-up who can stand behind their decisions, or feel comfortable with the possibility of criticism.

but yeah I think my most recent meltdown was definitely caused by lack of opportunity to consult with colleagues, so that's a really good reminder of how important that is, thanks

i also think it is definitely exacerbated by the nature of the work, and particularly by changing discussions around representation

i feel that a lot recently. also coming to terms with being middle-aged! yesterday I was in a meeting for a project where my work is mostly volunteer, and most of the others involved were younger (mostly people in their late 20s) and non-white, and I was providing my expertise on a topic and saying what I thought priorities should be, and what would/wouldn't work ... and today, after talking to a colleague who was at that meeting, I decided, I am going to step back and let the younger POC lead and manage the process ... even if things don't work out. Maybe they spend way too long (in my mind) discussing visioning and "how we work together" and getting on the same page about how a wheel functions and the best way to design the wheel ... and maybe they make some bad judgment calls that I wouldn't have made, but ... I still can remember being in my late 20s in meetings with ... people who were probably the same age I am now ... about similar things, and I knew more than the middle-aged people gave me credit for/assumed I did, and I felt like the purpose was for me (and my peers) to lead the work and if we made mistakes or didn't do things "the best way" ... then that's just the way it goes. This was the arts/community-building and not life or death type stuff.

yeah have definitely found it’s a good strategy to get outta the way of younger people generally - either by inviting them to take the lead, or building mutually beneficial relationships - but there are increasingly frequent moments when i feel like surrendering to irrelevancy and going off to grow potatoes!

but there are increasingly frequent moments when i feel like surrendering to irrelevancy and going off to grow potatoes!

don't you mean "write a book" ? ... i still feel like there are worthwhile things that white middle-aged people with our professional backgrounds can do that aren't growing potatoes or the cringeworthy efforts of various boomers

* worthwhile things within our areas of experience or related to them?

also - i think just1n3 gave really good ideas re the in-the-moment anxiety stuff!

thanks for being so generous with your thoughts and time SH - yeah definitely gonna try those tips - sour candy probably more practical than ice in an office environment! also i guess trying to do some more work with my breathing. interrupting the spiral feels pretty crucial, cos once the mind is flooded with those thoughts/chemicals it feels almost impossible to de-escalate, especially if there are stress factors flying around everywhere.

it feels almost impossible to de-escalate, especially if there are stress factors flying around everywhere.

that's a really good articulation of the feeling!

I got these Toxic Waste Hazardously Sour candies for my husband and they def work… but they might fuck up your mouth for a day or two