Blue Saturday

all that i want is some feeling so corny, so impossible, and so ludicrous now that all that's left for me is to crumple slowly around my increasingly empty core until there's just a neutron monument to aboulia

I have just the thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoI5EmArCE0

sometimes it feels like all life is a not coming to terms with not being able to retain, return to or regain those feelings, fleeting if ever felt, so that a dull ache fills your chest, and a listlessness your mind "if i can't have that valuable corny feeling then what is the point of anything."

realise thats a more laborious restatement of what you said, but fuck it, its just by way of saying i might nab your words the next time i'm feeling that way.

on a train thru sussex surrounded by ramblers. listening to messiaen's visions of creation. yr post made me think of rilke's orpheus returning from the underworld. dunno why.

now listening to the shaymen of halifax obv.

i'll play the Shaymen later when the sick loveliness of this feeling has gone away. i'm going out to walk around in the cold and look for god knows who. too late, obv. everything lately is "i blew it"

Allowing myself to drown in an abyssal sadness for days now, allowing it because to shut it out would be to shut myself down to a robot that survives; but I can't survive this, just barely tiptoeing thru public days, back here at night to try to starve as the weeping fits come in and out, hopelessly mourning my youth and my life and my superloneliness, going mad with sadness tbh, tiptyping alone here in bed in the dark, time got away from me, played myself, chances all torn and throwed,

Ignore bad blog move on passers-by, pygmy ozymandian way-shrine, overgrown soon.

Sober.

I'm emphatically not the target audience for the aimless mr spock impersonation so I know how unwelcome this can be but it is, like, empirically not too late

tell me to stfu but it's worth keeping in mind

just hey NV.

yeah can I change my answer

seconding hey NV, best wishes and that

sry for stock answer of the inarticulate but those are genuine and sincere best wishes and not the kind I write on 99% of the cards which are brought round the office

hey NV remember these posts about kuyt

i like kuyt and i rate him as a 'leading the line' striker but if you ask him would he like to play dawson every week i bet he'd suck off kauto star for the chance.

― dumb mick name follows (darraghmac), Wednesday, 20 January 2010 22:54 (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

every week, before each game, i'd say he'd drop to his knees and put on a bib.

― dumb mick name follows (darraghmac), Wednesday, 20 January 2010 22:54 (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nosh nosh nosh y'lright up there kauto good man good man

― dumb mick name follows (darraghmac), Wednesday, 20 January 2010 22:55 (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

good times

bon courage, nv

serious recommendation: take up birdwatching

http://www.rspb.org.uk/discoverandenjoynature/seenature/reserves/guide/b/blacktoftsands/

http://tophilllow.blogspot.co.uk

more birdwatching

http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/video/991161/F-For-Fake-Movie-Clip-Introducing-Oja-Kodar.html

in which you observe normal well-adjusted people doing the things normal well-adjusted people do in their leisure time -- go camping, go to food fairs, vacation in Hawaii -- and neither Option A (the life you currently have) nor Option B (them) seem at all appealing.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/455000/images/_458626_third_way_facts_150.gif

not knowing what to do with myself is a v familiar feeling tho

http://www.wearearamis.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/featured_3b_goya_drawing.png

had a lousy one. tried to kill with drink. like a rudderless stupid gowlbag i made it worse. started the day off watching liverpool natch.

The Easter Bank Holiday Weekend usually feels more like 4 Sundays in a row to me.

^^^ Another day and a half of this shit before I can escape and go back to work. But I don't want to go back to work.

In the first episode 'The Good Life', Tom writes a list and then goes and does the things on the list, like that's all there is to it.

maybe it just takes Felicity Kendall for inspiration

love to all blue Bank Holidayers, personally i'll take any kind of absence of employment, even if it does throw the void into sharp relief

and there's always the fun of making your own entertainment...
http://imgs.littlewhitelies.co.uk/uploads/2008/04/bleak-moments-cropped.jpg

Toss-up between here & I am a disaster area tbh

It's too sunny to be blue & I'm on holiday but am sort of bemusedly observing my own unsortedness today

Was drinking in the laundrette earlier & had to be like "dude you don't wanna be drinking in a laundrette c'mon"

Unbeknown to me my phone ringer has been set to silent for about a year

I had wondered why I never heard it ring

lol i was just contemplating posting "god i'm so lonely and i've wasted my life" on here

but fuck it you're right it's sunny

i don't have to drink

i'mma go commune with what passes for nature round here

Probably a laundrette tbf

i think the only people i can communicate with are at the other end of a computer network

but this is probs my fault

tho it seems sometimes that i want some kind of interaction that most people aren't bothered about?

i dunno i love my kids but it's in the nature of kids often to be closely wrapped in their own thing and that's all good, you don't save yrself by grabbing hold of another swimmer and wrestling them down

ow m y head

there is a core of blue in every soul maybe but opinions differ on the seemliness of sharing that out

WHAT ABOUT PHILOSOPHY CLUB

it's next week

i think i want coconut and pineapple and just one (1) fucking cuddle for fuck's sake

anyway this record exists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Te3AA0NOTUU

everybody shd just

we were at risk of drowning once and the aul fella grabbed the two young bucks and left me and the older fella to it and we did our fuckin best to kill the other fella but siblings is different than kids obv nb we didnt drown but we sideyed each the other the rest of our days and the aul fella too

✓

Xpost ✓

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DWeVs-tDXA

lol i was just contemplating posting "god i'm so lonely and i've wasted my life" on here

i contemplated posting exactly EXACTLY those words (including quotation marks for attempt at ironic distance) to the drunk instructions thread recently

Unbeknown to me my phone ringer has been set to silent for about a year

I had wondered why I never heard it ring

― Finn McCoolit (wins), Tuesday, April 7, 2015 1:39 PM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol i was just contemplating posting "god i'm so lonely and i've wasted my life" on here

but fuck it you're right it's sunny

i don't have to drink

i'mma go commune with what passes for nature round here

― week of 'puter action (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, April 7, 2015 1:40 PM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this series of posts really resonates with me for some reason

I'm back at the laundrette. My stuff is in dryer 11 but I pushed the button to start number 2 because I thought it was Roman numerals

machines confuse me sometimes too.

although they don't scare me really, the way sometimes other things do.

Oh def

I think in general I'm ok with being a bit shit

I carry a diary everywhere I go it has nothing written in it

i love carrying one tho

i have one that is pretty and green and shiny

small too

i walked round the park, it was pretty but busy, then i bumped into a friend's wife who told me he'd died in December. fucking cancer. left a beautiful daughter around Han's age too. then i went for a walk round the block, smiled and nodded at loads of strangers. there was a huge queue at the new gelato shop on Newland so i didn't get icecream, went to Lidl instead. got nice food. sun still shining. tomorrow Han's coming round.

we get by, don't we?

Ayuh

yes

we do, somehow

:) love you guys

haha FEEL THE INNER GLOW NV

definitely feel the inner glow