why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

Aargh, fuck off friend of my mum's who has just posted this:

"Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered
as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations
were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing
a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they
themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer
sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became
pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received
better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own
home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming
cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife,
Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing"

IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD GONE MAD!

http://i0.wp.com/funandwow.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/laugh_husband_horse1_final3_1.png?resize=200%2C200

I want a job writing these.

Go on then, audition begins..

https://scontent-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10487422_793151340752967_5820527527606480702_n.jpg?oh=89c035276edc971b7669ea6bd8d50100&oe=557F9856

Laugh a per loser?

parody.

mm

parody (but not great)

https://scontent-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10698579_10206642654048406_2827950815292151176_n.jpg?oh=84d54cde1d26b047242745308eac5afc&oe=55706F37

if they like me the way i am good

pretty lady in wet shirt driving that msg home

Gotta have your obligatory, completely unrelated stock photo so readers have someone to identify with.

she has a python neck good.

and people were behaving like they ought to good

I have reached a point in my life where I still feel it is necessary to impress people by proclaiming that I don't care whether I impress them or not.

.. AND I DON'T CARE!!!

I have reached a point in my life where I no longer try to impress people, because I'm not all that impressive.

I'm impressed.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11025998_959395027424504_3298656576273844189_n.png?oh=056499ce4ac162c62554db1e7c9b6a7b&oe=55796F69&__gda__=1434893059_8599a3185831068aac574dea73aa89f2

always knew what the pirates' flag looked like. always wondered what the pirates' flag was thinking.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10377468_714660321913543_4317514180247596864_n.jpg?oh=b275050fc227bf643b1144796ce1e7d8&oe=5582B276&__gda__=1438471879_6c20e5a7ec6c835948449a22ab476090

destroys the next generation, sweet weeping jesus.

damn, it don't goes more accurate than those

interested to hear about this multiple occupancy condom

Damn, my joke was funny

Where did you put it?

Ach, it'll turn up

I just spent way too much time considering the physical logistics of that.

not really mocking this one, but I don't know where to put it
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1484956/stevie%20.jpg

too much time on ilx

Was gonna say

unless i'm missing something that seems like a supremely legitimate use of facebook

I agree. just lol'd at the 'stevie d' part. but I did not know about this 'too much time on ilx' thread, which sounds more appropriate. or maybe I'm just being told that I've spent too much time on ilx.

which is fair enough tbh

no, there's a thread. it's 77 tho'.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1422567_10152623538751512_7622857926813473202_n.jpg?oh=f622235e687b01f242530a169dfb3f28&oe=55B23EAB&__gda__=1438088850_eaaf5057adb85340aec892c82df4e42d

no shit I came here to post that exact thing

really hate when people write "veg." somehow that's what i hate most about that. i'm irrational.

you sneer, but it seems to be working ok for David Avocado Wolfe and his friends

http://www.pedestrian.tv/images/article/2011/03/14/David-Wolfe-Party-642-380.jpg

David Wolfe (a.k.a. Chocolate Pope Avocado Cacao)

omg http://www.davidwolfe.com/

The rock star of the superfoods and longevity world, America’s TOP CEOs, Global Ambassadors, Hollywood celebrities, busy professionals, and even the most powerful buying influence in the nation—Moms—all look to David for expert advice in health, beauty, herbalism, nutrition and chocolate!

aw man, a perm and a will to make money from lying to idiots and i too cd've been a millionaire longevity guru

http://www.eternallifefanclub.com/memes/Quote-David-Wolfe.jpg

jesus God the concept of living 70+ years already terrifies me, who the fuck would wanna last that long

ELF

OMG

http://www.groundology.co.uk/

3000 years worth of terrible facebook image macros

https://www.facebook.com/EternalLifeFan/photos_stream