― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link
― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link
― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link
― Carey (Carey), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago) link
― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 22:40 (twenty years ago) link
― metfigga (metfigga), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 22:42 (twenty years ago) link
I say, "Well, I really hate Jazz."
They say, "What do you hate about poor old Jazz?"
I say, "The sound. The sound that Jazz instruments make when they're being manipulated by Jazz players to the delight of Jazz respondents. I think of it as musical barf."
They say, "I don't think you've given Jazz a chance."
Well, I maintain, I haven't given suicide a chance, but. . .Well, I did give suicide a chance, but that was only because I was threatened with Jazz. You know. Jazz music.
One thing I hate--One thing I hate is being woken up in the middle of the night, when I'm dreaming about, say, promiscuity with dignity [Man off camera "All right."], by a rap-tap-tappin' on my window by those guys with goatee things on their faces, saying, "Hey. Can we come in? Beano's clarinet's gettin' wet." And then they go into this sorta Gene Krupa trance. Jazz schmazz. I'm sorry; I've got to go that far. Jazz schmazz.
You know what? I'd like to declare this a Jazz-free zone, about forty miles as far as the Jazz-hatin' crow flies in any direction. Just paradise. Those guys would go to work, and it wouldn't be there.
I'm gonna ask a question. What sort of music do you think there is in hell? You know, H-E-double hockey sticks? Well, I think it's probably hateful, free-form Jazz. And in heaven? Country and Western music. The choice is pretty obvious. It's not Jazz. It's not bop-a-dop bop-be-bop-bo Jazz. [to flutist:] What's that? A recorder or something? I'm not into it. Fuzz pedal, that's what I'm into. You know?
― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 22:46 (twenty years ago) link
I really liked the one where Foley and McDonald are the French trappers hunting Yuppies for their suits in downtown Toronto. The site of them canoeing down the hall of the office building past cubicles was great.
― earlnash, Tuesday, 30 March 2004 23:00 (twenty years ago) link
― earlnash, Tuesday, 30 March 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago) link
― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago) link
― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago) link
also:
"you know for a straight man you sure know a lot about faggotry..."
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 23:44 (twenty years ago) link
and
"What time is it?""It's ten till four.""No. The time is now."
― Vinnie (vprabhu), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 23:55 (twenty years ago) link
― Prude (Prude), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 00:00 (twenty years ago) link
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 00:00 (twenty years ago) link
― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 00:09 (twenty years ago) link
― Verbal (Verbal), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 01:16 (twenty years ago) link
Also, does anyone remember which one had the flashback of the dad firing hockey pucks at his kid?
― ModJ (ModJ), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 01:18 (twenty years ago) link
2) "I had the pear dream again."
"We are lost..."
3) "I've got a score to settle with a kabob!"
4) "I'm just going to step out this window and see if I can't fly or whatever...."
5) the one where Kevin McDonald is new at the office and Dave Foley plays the psycho who keeps telling the boss things like Kevin pees himself, he's a satanist, etc., but they actually help Kevin with the new job.
6) I like that random one where it's that old guy walking down the street in a leisure suit accompanied by some tune, acting all cool and suave
7) Bruce as the wig shop owner! "Why would I know anything about a wig?!"
8) Running faggot!
9) God is dead!
10) Cyril the Escape Artist
jeez, it's a gold mine on that show.
― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 01:23 (twenty years ago) link
― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 01:26 (twenty years ago) link
Dave: MadTV (November 25, 1995)
Dave: Hi. Uhh, yeah, I'm Dave Foley, and I just wanted to talk to you, not just as a middle-rung celebrity, but also as a Canadian who has recently moved to your country.
Now I've been surprised to find how little Americans seem to know about Canada. Now granted, there are many similarities between our two nations but there are also many subtle differences that give us our unique Canadian identity. For example, in Canada everyone hates Barbara Streisand. But here she seems to be quite popular.
And there are other differences too. I mean, we don't have states; we have provinces. Umm, we use the metric system. Canadians and Americans both love football, but in Canada the game is played slightly differently. The field is a different size for one thing, The CFL field is 17 miles long and 6 feet wide. So understandably, games are a little longer. In fact, the 1949 Gray Cup game is still in progress.
Many Americans believe that our national anthem is "Oh Canada" simply because we enjoy singing it before hockey games. But in fact, our anthem is "The Night Chicago Died" by Paper Lace.
Our systems of government differ somewhat in that America is a Republic with a President, a Congress, and a Senate. In Canada we are ruled by a small boy with supernatural powers... of whom we are all very fond.
Now in the U.S. when a mommy and daddy love each other, they perform bipolar sexual intercourse and make a baby. Canadians, however, are a breed of hermaphrodites who reproduce by means of auto-insemination, thus eliminating the need for sex. This also explains why we don't really have a film industry.
And of course, how can we discuss Canada without discussing the weather. Yes, it is cold in Canada. It is very, very cold, are ya HAPPY now?? Yes, the average year-round temperature is 275 degrees below zero, but that is CELCIUS. Now can we talk about something else??
Like for example, the fact that our atmosphere is pure sulpher dioxide which is, of course, incapable of sustaining life, LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT. Or the fact that we only have gravity for 6 hours out of each day and spend the rest of our time desparately clinging to trees to avoid being spun into the endless abyss of space.
Yes, all this is true, but at least we have universal health care.
Thank you for your time.
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 01:27 (twenty years ago) link
― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:09 (twenty years ago) link
― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:10 (twenty years ago) link
― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:30 (twenty years ago) link
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:33 (twenty years ago) link
― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:39 (twenty years ago) link
― mandee, Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:42 (twenty years ago) link
― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:45 (twenty years ago) link
― mandee, Wednesday, 31 March 2004 02:59 (twenty years ago) link
― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 03:00 (twenty years ago) link
― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 03:06 (twenty years ago) link
― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 03:06 (twenty years ago) link
― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 03:18 (twenty years ago) link
― A Nairn (moretap), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 04:22 (twenty years ago) link
― Sengai, Wednesday, 31 March 2004 04:52 (twenty years ago) link
― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:00 (twenty years ago) link
― LC, Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:06 (twenty years ago) link
― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:12 (twenty years ago) link
― sundar subramanian (sundar), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:18 (twenty years ago) link
ok I can't find it. I'll just mention these instead:
Dave Foley w/ Breasts "Danny? Do these look new? Stop Staring Danny."
Scott Thompson wants his wife Kevin to pay more attention to his nipples, she doesn't want to because he pees from them, Scott says "Honey, I pee through my penis" Kevin starts to disgustedly wash his mouth out with water.
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:28 (twenty years ago) link
― sundar subramanian (sundar), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:31 (twenty years ago) link
Also, "Here's to [Bob?] and ritual murder!"
― sundar subramanian (sundar), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:32 (twenty years ago) link
oh, yeah..
Touch Bellini!
― daria g (daria g), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:34 (twenty years ago) link
― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:37 (twenty years ago) link
--Buddy C0le on Vice
― daria g (daria g), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 05:38 (twenty years ago) link
Dave: Sorry, no can do! Although I'd love to! [turns towards Mark] Oh sure Nina, I experimented with homosexuality in college, but then who didn't? Oh! And I drank human blood! There, I said it and I feel better for having said it!
Buddy doing the Wizard of Oz routine with Tammy and the Tammy video, that's priceless.
Segragation...in the nation...and dance
Tammy Tammy! What do you think of abortion?
um, never on the first date?
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 06:35 (twenty years ago) link
the flying pig one
girl drink drunk
bobby terence vs the devil
gavin eating the goldfish
the one where kevin leans back in his chair and is knocked unconscious...
they're all so so so so so good... roll on season 2 DVDs!!
― stevie (stevie), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 09:39 (twenty years ago) link
― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 10:38 (twenty years ago) link
― Speedy (Speedy Gonzalas), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 10:54 (twenty years ago) link
― Speedy (Speedy Gonzalas), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 11:10 (twenty years ago) link