Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

you don't have to be 'crackers' to be into the ukelele

but it helps

Poor armadillos.

Everybody should have and use an 'Uzi'. its so simple to carry with you and its one submachine gun you can't shoot and not laugh! Its so sweet and also very old - some are made of wood - some are made of armadillo's. I love them - the more the merrier - Everyone I know who is into Uzis is 'crackers'. so get yourself a few and enjoy yourselves - love from George (Keoki) Harrison

something something 'UKIP' everyone is 'crackers' etc

is that a cock and balls in the signature?

And one breast.

Natwest, Shoreditch (via https://twitter.com/garethedobson/status/573437644375523328)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_VCf3JW0AAMkai.jpg:large

like a constrictor that cuddles you into its death grip

fuuuuuuck offffffffff

http://i1247.photobucket.com/albums/gg622/bizarrogazzara/Phone_zpspucalwou.jpg

^ encouraging ppl to emulate the father of lies fundamentalist christians boycott imo

http://www.standard.co.uk/goingout/attractions/innocent-to-launch-free-unplugged-festival-this-summer-with-the-correspondents-dj-norman-jay-and-grace-dent-10116518.html

Oh my god please make it stop.

let's all abandon technology and go off-piste at a shit festival sponsored by an average food brand

All go off-grid and listen to a woman with 216,000 Twitter followers.

There will also be a beatboxing flautist, an audience with the School of Life's mindfulness expert and foraging expeditions.

some of the school of life stuff seems interesting imo.

but beatboxing flautist can burn in hell.

The smoothie makers say that festival-goers spotted messing around on their mobile will face light-hearted penalty challenges.

this is how the holocaust started.

hoping for some Jonestown-like spiking of the smoothies

"light-hearted"

haha - launching their new kool-aid n' kale flavour

and, like Jonestown, it will take a while for word to get out because no one will be allowed to use their phone

what sort of gonk would go to something like this?

re: mindfulness, ppl i know who work in mental health are pretty sceptical, as per https://newhumanist.org.uk/articles/4609/what-on-earth-is-mindfulness

yeah i dunno about mindfulness itself, school of life does some good things tho, albeit in a kind of yuppy torpor way.

i kind of loosely think more people doing yoga-esque activities is good and healthy but that's almost entirely based on personal enjoyment.

also the fucking irony of grace dent headlining a festival based on anti-social media bullshit when so much of her popularity derives from social media and iirc she wrote an entire book on it

i have little doubt that her audience here will be bang into her islamophobic opinions tho

innocent smoothies vs #racetogether, it could be worse

there is a lot of new age crap masquerading as therapy out there that one might feel justified in being sceptical towards, much as I might feel justified in being sceptical towards a site called newhumanist.org.uk

https://www.facebook.com/pages/That-Boutique-y-Whisky-Company/251166095064873

That's fucking horrific. There is literally no one in the entire world crying out for twee Scotch.

God it's single malt at that.

ew! they could do what ever twee marketing crap they like, but that name will surely always be the worst thing about them

'boutique' is such a horrible word.

anyone remember 'John, Mark & Robbo'?

Batch 1 of That Boutique-y Whisky Company's Strathhmill single malt features one of the most notorious cat burglars around, Goldilocks. Look at her! She's slipped into the Strathmill distillery and is pinching the porridge that's left over from when the place was a porridge oats mill! Not only that, the picky pilferer is adding Gilbey's Gin to it! She better hurry up and get the blend right, I've heard Strathmill has 3 guard-bears who don't take kindly to intruders.

difficult to tell becaue selling it without an age statement is like selling a car without listing its engine size, but assuming it's not very old then it seems to be priced about twice what it would be if it were issued in a normal bottling

same company also sells a range of spirits to fans of the arsenal gentleman aeshtetic

The tireless Professor continues to create anything he can imagine, from a 91.2% Cold-Distilled Absinthe to a Cask-Aged Gin—there is literally nothing that can deter this gentleman from his experiments!

Each small-batch bottling represents the Professor's perfection of an idea that began merely as a twinkle in his eye. With his trusty kit of carboys, jerry cans, beakers, pipettes, and (occasional) rotary evaporation still, he has resurrected the spirits of the past for the delight and delectation of the discerning palate. Infusion, cold-distillation, and the Professor's own genius ensure that each bottle contains rich and complex flavours, and delicate botanicals remain intact.

which is really a worse aesthetic than the innocent smoothies one, but too awful to have an entire thread about so it should go here too

Pick up the second issue of The Wrong Quarterly at http://www.thewrongquarterly.com/buy (lower half of a pineapple not included)

Pack of Issues I and II Wrapped With Some Neat Ol' Twine
£9.25

the text of the wrong quarterly's website consistently spells the last word of its name 'quarterly' and that's how it's spelled on the covers of each issue but the logo on the homepage looks like this:

http://i1247.photobucket.com/albums/gg622/bizarrogazzara/Quartlery_zpshflefooi.jpg

am i missing a joke or have they just not noticed they've misspelled the name of their own publication on their website?

the joke is it's WRONG

maybe

idk

seems like if it was a joke it'd be on the covers of the print edition too, i dunno.

i should take it to the 'irrationally angry' thread i guess

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/When+tesco+thinks+it+s+in+the+squad_8b21e2_5538657.jpg

PWNED

that belongs more on the 'tell us your story' thread tbf

http://i.imgur.com/yUR0CrW.jpg

fuckin « mon smoothie » ad from these shitters on the Paris métro is driving me nuts.

tbh I don't know any accent in which uttering the word "smoothie" doesn't make you sound awful.

Glaswegians sometimes swap "th" for a "v" sound and make it sound like they're talking about drugs

am on they tropical smoovies, fuckin brilliant stuff, takes the edge right aff a hangover

https://41.media.tumblr.com/71c936efdf5cd209e1704144ec7920b4/tumblr_nq7nq1iu0l1sy666no1_1280.png

https://twitter.com/trashcanlife

hello

this is by the same people it's about afaict https://twitter.com/getinthesea

getting haughty about that twitter is probably textbook 'advanced baconing' or w/e but yeah it's excruciating

I've got a hot deal worth mooing about.

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/deals-shopping/fl-doreen-christensen-chick-fil-a-cow-appreciation-day-20150710-column.html

My friend saw this on the toilet door of the Charing Cross branch of Itsu.

https://twitter.com/charlie_frame/status/621011313997795328?s=09

what's the racial slur?