slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

They should pull an Atlas Shrugged and recast the central roles for each film.

Rutger Hauer is.....

I find both of the leads in this so unappealing, it's amazing they're already planning two more

they seem to find each other pretty unappealing too

I finally watched the video of the press tour thing and that is amazing.

"What do you have most in common with Christian?"

"Feet."

I'm dying.

"Would you ever consider growing your hair long?"

"If I had to for work, yeah."

Somehow they found a way to make Crazy in Love depressing

for real - like who was sitting around thinking to themselves "y'know what would make this song even better is to make it sound like R2-D2 taking a shit"

I'm waiting for them to spread the last book between two movies

The Desolation of Sybian

as I'm sure has already been noted itt, Dakota Johnson was charming and funny on Ben and Kate.

idg why the leads are being so petulant here... obviously the whole project is lol cynical and artistically bankrupt, but not more so than your avengers, x-men etc films- and there are some proper ac-torrr types who manage to be cheerful about doing those for the money.

i'm waiting for them to chew up the last book and spread the resultant paste between two movies

they should just be like Robert Pattinson who basically used all the Twilight press tours as a platform to troll the fandom: http://rpattztalks.tumblr.com/

otm

the superhero movies are almost certainly 1000x more fun to film, though

and based on stronger source material

the joke is that these are real? right? totally real?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/danielkibblesmith/welcome-to-the-butt-room#.vuKrr4331Z

ok no i don't think so. but maybe!

was thinking of polling those but only if they are real

but... they can't be, right?

buzzfeed limply trying to recapture some of the dignity clickhole stole from it?

"Welcome to The Butt Room
We've got fun'n'games"

http://defamer.gawker.com/jamie-dornan-pretends-to-put-his-penis-into-dakota-john-1685209886/+jordansargent

hilarious (NSFW) pics, also loved this:

they show off one of the film's legendarily kinky sex positions: man on top.

lol

poor j0rdan

god those photos look like a racy furniture catalog

getting a right kicking from the crits.

should probably go true detective and cast new leads for each sequel

i say what better excuse for an ilx world fap

whoa

Not sure I could fap to 50 Shades.

Never knew Jamie Dornan was from Belfast, he will seriously be getting the pish ripped out of him over this in his hometown... so he will.

Staff at B&Q stores have been told to read Fifty Shades of Grey and prepare for a massive rise in demand for rope, cable ties and tape.

A leaked memo reveals that workers at the DIY chain have been asked to prepare themselves for "sensitive" customer questions about such products, which could be used in sexual role play.

The memo, circulated to the DIY store's entire 20,887 workforce at 359 stores, is titled: "Staff Briefing – Preparation for Fifty Shades of Grey Customer Queries."

It says copies of the erotic novel will be delivered to each store and can then be lent to staff on a one week basis.

Staff are urged to familiarise themselves with the book and to deal with any related queries in a "polite, helpful and respectful manner".

a leaked memo invented by B&Q press office in the sure knowledge that newspapers would repeat it verbatim and give some free hustle to the DIY chain

kinda want to go in and ask which of their axe handles is least likely to give my partner splinters during ass-play

it's a hoax, y'all....

unsuspecting customers still may wonder why they're getting knowing winks and glances from the cashier when they buy routine stuff like duct tape or cable ties

lol churnalism

http://www.mtv.com/news/2075982/fifty-shades-of-grey-by-the-numbers/

crucial link

What is a girl or man bush ? (Sorry i'm italian)

zero dongs :(

zero craps

zero holy craps :(

lol xp

Armond White weighs in

armond... otm?

Feels weird to say, doesn't it?

Wow, Out has a pretty good editor—that review was breathtakingly coherent, by White's standards.

His writing is generally better when he isn't acting as his own editor.

feels incomplete without some incoherent lashing out at other critical darlings

apparently here in France the film has gotten a 12 and above rating; the head of the ratings group explains this by saying that "C'est vraiment une romance, on pourrait presque dire une bleuette."I didn't know the word "bleuette" but apparently it means a "sentimental, idealized story". Apparently the rating commission was divided on whether to even bar 12s and under from seeing it, but there was a slight majority in favor of the restriction so it passed.