cutting people completely out of your life

Anyway, I had to do some friend house cleaning today, and I did. Don’t interact with people who disrespect you.

That’s my free advice.

Also, don’t be friends with people who are stupid.

I’m not even upset about this and don’t need advice or help. It’s done. I guess I just wanted to post about it.

sounds like you did it right

How do you stop being angry about this??? I just . . . still no response and, tbh, the lack of response is making me think he's a bigger dick than I did before. I was hurt before now I'm fucking pissed off. I mean we were really good friends for over 15 years. I was a "groomswoman" in his wedding. It just fucking sucks. I unfriended him on FB but we have like 20 mutual friends and I see him comment on shit and I know he sees me and I really just want to be like, "WHY ARE YOU BEING A TOTAL CUNT?".

Sorry. I'm real mad.

And it sorta takes a lot to make me mad.

I know being told you just gotta let this one go sucks but its for yr own good to just let this one go

I know. It just really fucking sucks.

if you care, let him go, and if it's meant to be he will wander back

if you care, let him go, he might wander onto a busy road

Can you block him on Facebook? Then you can't see each other, which will probably be good for your mental health.

Also, I think anger is very important. Like, you need the anger to burn away all of the hurt.

agree
it takes a lot to make me mad too, but when i do, the fire is self-sustaining and usually cauterizes the emotional wound nicely

Yeah, I can but I'm being stubborn. Somehow it seems in my head like my unfriending but not blocking is somehow me being like oh look how totally over this whole thing and not upset I am by seeing you on here even though that's obviously not the case. Yeah, I know. I will eventually. It's just too sad right now.

anger isnt really ever a healthy emotion ime but obv depending on person and circumstance the mmv

depends on what kind it is
if it's like an inflammation no
if it's purging something, it's ok
ime

ya ya def

I mean for me personally but I'm about as far from the repressive type as you get which prob has a lot to do with it...

You’re cooler than him. Trust.

Well, duh.

;)

realize other people itt are probably giving sage advice but honestly if i were in your position i wouldn't be able to resist just going to his house, knocking on the door, and screaming in his face when he opens it

I wound up not writing the letter - will instead ignore emails and let things wind themselves down that way.

realize other people itt are probably giving sage advice but honestly if i were in your position i wouldn't be able to resist just going to his house, knocking on the door, and screaming in his face when he opens it

lol this was pretty much what i was going to post, except i'd send a threatening fb message first - TELL ME EVERYTHING OR I WILL BANG ON YOUR DOOR ALL NIGHT OR COME TO YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT

Trust me I've thought about it. lol.

Nowhere near as fraught a situation as others itt but a kind of gentle and happy example of cutting someone out of my life:

I follow someone on twitter because I know her IRL and figured we were, if not friends friends, then definitely friends with the same people and also at least two people who enjoy each other's company on the occasion we are together. But even though she's perfectly lovely in person, her twitter persona grates on me to no end*. (eg I bitched previously on ILX about her moving to NYC and then tweeting for like two weeks about how hungry she was all the time because she didn't know where/how to obtain food. In NYC.) I think about unfollowing her a lot but feel like I shouldn't because we are "friends." Well I was getting super annoyed with her on twitter last night because she was tweeting about how, based on one Yelp review, Chicago doesn't understand goths (after moving to NYC she re-embraced her gothy past and decided she was not only goth, but the gothest) and assuming that people at 80s night at a dance club in Chicago confused Peter Schilling's Major Tom with A Space Odyssey because there's no other explanation for why people would be so excited to hear that song and it suddenly hit me!

She's in Chicago! And she did not make any effort whatsoever to contact me! Like not even a "We're going to be in town but we'll be super busy so I don't know if we can meet up but just in case we can grab lunch I thought I'd email you"! Which means she probably doesn't like me much either! And that means I have no social media obligations to uphold here! I can UNFOLLOW HER ON TWITTER!

*she's a minor internet personality who writes for a bunch of different websites so she tweets A LOT to maintain her brand or whatever, I guess.

Pfft. So many reasons to be excited to hear Peter Schilling's "Major Tom". If that is what she was saying there weren't any of.

The 'you know they're in town and they didn't even tell you' can be a watershed moment for sure. I only allow for this in the case of my one friend who is legit famous anyone else does it, it means we are just acquaintances.

otm

Pfft. So many reasons to be excited to hear Peter Schilling's "Major Tom". If that is what she was saying there weren't any of.

― Abraham raves doubtlessly (a passing spacecadet), Friday, July 17, 2015 3:27 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I know, right? I couldn't tell if she was saying that the people at this club shouldn't have known the song because it was too obscure (and so were under a group delusion that it was another song?) or that nobody should get that excited about the song, period. Either way, it's a great song, but I'm probably just saying that because I live in Chicago (gross).

people of Chicago guilty of much greater sins tbh

Watch it, buddy. I'm in the mood to unfollow people on Twitter.

*tweets furiously*

Major Tom is a totally famous song ffs it is so not obscure

Nobody knows the name 'Peter schilling' maybe

In the process of cutting out an old semi-close friend, who I've rented office space with, after he began intentionally sabotaging the space to try and make the rest of us quit the place, stopped paying his part of the rent, and then became hysterical when we threw him out. Basically he is having a breakdown, but won't admit it, instead goes around town telling acquaintances that we've stolen his space from him.

Long trail of doing this. It does add up over time.

in what way?

wouldnt it subtract down?

Yes--wrong math term. I meant that it adds up in the sense of people who are no longer part of your life. You've got x number of people you can call up to go see a movie when you're 27, fewer when you're 37, fewer etc. Over time, it adds up/subtracts down.

Yet, that happens whether you intentionally cut people out of your life or not. Wouldn't you rather have the choice of who's left?

So weird this gets bumped. I'm regretfully in the process of doing this to someone.

yeah but attrition isn't the same thing as deliberately cutting people out of your life

oops that was xp

A number of the people who disappeared on me do fall under the category of cutting out.

I don't want to make too big a deal out of this. If there's good reason, cut them out. With me, it was often a case of a friendship that was dying anyway, that didn't seem worth saving even before whatever triggered the final break. I'd probably make the same decisions again. All I'm saying is that when you get to be my age, you look back and realize it does add up.

i'm almost too good at doing this. it makes me wonder if there's actually something wrong with me? i just find it so easy to ghost people once i realize that aren't bringing anything positive to my life.

and yes, that does mean i have fewer friends at 35, and it also means the older i get the more cautious i am about making new connections. but the friends i do have are amazing people, they're family, and i love them so much. many of them i don't get to see or even really talk to for months or even years at a time. but every time i get sad about the lack of people in my life that are accessible (i.e. live in my area), i try to remember that quality is superior to quantity.

I'm a Cancer, and my sense of loyalty is killing me during this process. I also know I'll backtrack and have to be forgiven when I, right now, feel totally justified in doing this.

i try to remember that quality is superior to quantity.

No one would argue with that. Unfortunately, in my situation, what quality friends remain are all married with families. Sometimes I wish I had some quantity to fall back on.

eh. never forget, we all die alone

i was on the receiving end of this recently---and to my mind, somewhat confusingly---and i can assure you that it feels completely awful

So this dude I've been cutting out had some stuff at our office space, and wanted to get it. Tried to arrange it, but the facebook-thread of him asking for it devolved into him yelling lies and abuse at us. Once again. Then all of a sudden he just gets another guy, whom he'd given a key, to let him in, and rips the place. Found out today he even stole a book of mine. Fucking asshole.