cutting people completely out of your life

I suddenly feel really old and think that perhaps sleeve has no awareness of the x-files

i've never watched the x-files but i assumed that was what it was from

Yes, X-files, you ding dongs.

I am sorry crut, but... I think we need to consciously cut each other out

oh right, it's been a long time

roxy otm. gif otm.

This has to be a common occurrence. Dad was married in the 80s to a woman with two kids. For 10 years, my blood-sister and I would visit every weekend and have these temporary siblings. My step-brother was a little older, and he got me into rap, taught me a few breakdancing moves. I've talked before about how he and I would explore the entire damn suburb via the drainage tunnels. We'd go on vacations together. We had bunk beds. My dad worked on the weekends, so even my step-mom and I got close. She had a middle child about my age who had died from crib death.

Then around 1990, they got divorced. And that was that. Step-bro wrote me a letter from Operation Desert Storm. Saw step-sis at a 20-and-under juice nightclub before my senior year. Haven't seen my step-mom since she dropped off something for my blood-sister at my mom's house (even step-mom and real-mom got along ok) and said "It'll be ok, I'll see you soon."

I don't miss them terribly or anything. I do have this dream about once every other month where I'm walking around their house alone when all of a sudden someone turns on a light and says something.

people have weird internal lives and I don't know what the hell they are thinking

― valleys of your mind (mh), Tuesday, January 13, 2015 3:49 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

idontcare.gif is what im trying to cultivate. i obv still do care!

Rox - that's so weird! Yeah, I don't really get it or understand people either. I'm just really hurt. I'm also trying to cultivate the I don't care attitude but I do care, a lot, and it's just really hard.

Yeah I am dealing with a similar thing and I go back and forth between "okay, your loss" and "omg I miss you". It's like, if you are fine with hurting me on purpose just because I apparently hurt you by accident (?) then you are kind of a mean person.

But but but! I am not even sure that's what's happening, because I'm not being given the opportunity to discuss it, so maybe something else is up and I don't know about it??? What the hell, just talk to me!

this is illuminating what i have believe (and have learned the hard way) to be one of life's sad facts: not a lot of people know how to/will take the time and effort to sustain a longterm close friendship

:(

I'm not talking abt ppl itt obvs

Some longterm close friendships need cultivation and some dont and if you're lucky enough to have enough of the latter it's probably a skillset you haven't had to acquire or interrogate yr self about I guess

it's incredibly easy to let relationships fall away, too

Yep La Lechera, I am (I think) being cut out because over about an 18 month period I didn't put much/any effort to sustaining this friendship. There were outside reasons, and it was not a conscious thing. But I can definitely see how it all just seemed like the effort was one-sided to her and I feel so, so bad.

I have a few friends I see on a very sporadic basis, to the extent a year or two can go by, but we're able to pick up where we left off when we do have the chance to hang out. But having that kind of relationship has to have some depth.

yeah same here, though this thread is making me feel worried/guilty about being a shit friend, tbh :|

(not blaming anyone itt!! Just realising I dont make anywhere near enough effort at things)

IMO you shouldn't feel guilty for just not keeping in touch or letting friendships fizzle out. not talking isn't the same as "not talking," you know?

Sometimes it's hard to know from the outside which one's happening.

and this is why people need to learn how to effectively communicate with each other
seriously
it's a really good skill to have

yet elusive!!

and like one persons communicating may not be what works for the other (if that can then be called communicating), I'm not sure you learn a skill and then boom on you get with people.

duh
give me some credit

ha no shade no shade

I'm seriously thinking of writing her a letter - not accusing or being confrontational, but something like "look, I'm writing this because I care about you, let's just drop all ties, and have a good life."

Doing this right now.

godspeed

I love people. I blocked her on Facebook and IG and didn’t block her on my iPhone because I don’t have her number and wouldn’t have thought to anyway because we haven’t texted or had a phone call in years, and she fucking sends me a message there after I told her I was done. People are idiots. Fuck her.

After I saw the first few words I stopped reading, responded, and hit block. I’m going to delete the message without reading all of it. If she’s not going to respect my boundaries, she can burn in hell. Also, I specifically told her why I was doing what I was doing unlike what some people have done to ILXORs upthread. (Or in another thread. Some thread. Maybe more than one.)

Anyway, I had to do some friend house cleaning today, and I did. Don’t interact with people who disrespect you.

That’s my free advice.

Also, don’t be friends with people who are stupid.

I’m not even upset about this and don’t need advice or help. It’s done. I guess I just wanted to post about it.

sounds like you did it right

How do you stop being angry about this??? I just . . . still no response and, tbh, the lack of response is making me think he's a bigger dick than I did before. I was hurt before now I'm fucking pissed off. I mean we were really good friends for over 15 years. I was a "groomswoman" in his wedding. It just fucking sucks. I unfriended him on FB but we have like 20 mutual friends and I see him comment on shit and I know he sees me and I really just want to be like, "WHY ARE YOU BEING A TOTAL CUNT?".

Sorry. I'm real mad.

And it sorta takes a lot to make me mad.

I know being told you just gotta let this one go sucks but its for yr own good to just let this one go

I know. It just really fucking sucks.

if you care, let him go, and if it's meant to be he will wander back

if you care, let him go, he might wander onto a busy road

Can you block him on Facebook? Then you can't see each other, which will probably be good for your mental health.

Also, I think anger is very important. Like, you need the anger to burn away all of the hurt.

agree
it takes a lot to make me mad too, but when i do, the fire is self-sustaining and usually cauterizes the emotional wound nicely

Yeah, I can but I'm being stubborn. Somehow it seems in my head like my unfriending but not blocking is somehow me being like oh look how totally over this whole thing and not upset I am by seeing you on here even though that's obviously not the case. Yeah, I know. I will eventually. It's just too sad right now.

anger isnt really ever a healthy emotion ime but obv depending on person and circumstance the mmv

depends on what kind it is
if it's like an inflammation no
if it's purging something, it's ok
ime

ya ya def

I mean for me personally but I'm about as far from the repressive type as you get which prob has a lot to do with it...

You’re cooler than him. Trust.