another maniacal Armond White review, this time "Fahrenheit 9/11"

Never seen this film. Bet it's top-notch. Gonna print out banriquit's post & take it into the cinema with me. Then I'm gonna sit on it.

i just post for myself and if anyone else likes it, that's a bonus

That's a shitty attitude.

Benjamin Franklin on John Adams:

"He means well for his Country, and is always an honest Man, often a Wise One, but sometimes and in some things, absolutely out of his senses."

I loved when he said that V FOR VENDETTA was a forgotten film, unaware that by name-checking it and assuming readers would know what he was on about, it kinda isn't quite that forgotten.

I think he's gone, well, mental with his hysteric modifying words. The 'decline' in 'film culture' (whatever that is, aside from the ivory tower in hi head) is a "CALAMITY!", a "TRAGEDY!"

ALL film writers who are not Armond White are regularly labeled "idiots", "stupid", and far worse. He can't resist a sentence without sideswipes like "of course, this is the sort of tripe that gullible, idiot reviewers will worship" (i paraphrase; I'm not pathological enough to mimic him properly.) THEN he goes on to, for the nth time, to explain to other idiots--his readers--how DePalma's MISSION TO MARS was one of the greatest films ever, if only you nitwits could understand the things only White can understand. Then he'll try to browbeat you into understanding that NORBIT was not only funny--White thinks humor can be beaten into you--but that it was the greatest movie about race ever. Or silicone fat suits ever; I forget.

A film can't just be, you know, not-great and its makers just some folks who failed to make a good film--oh no: These films are a THREAT!!!!! to, uh, everything and their makers evil cabalists who meet fortnightly at some unspecified dark ceremony where, after donning black robes with pictures of Kubrick as they plan, chortling, their latest stealth attack on Film Culture.

It's remarkable how he shrieks about Nicole Kidman--who he despises with a very discomforting zeal--being a despicable careerist--imagine, a professional wanting a career, wanting to work, what a skank--and then falls on his knees to worship the latest Spielberg Oedipal reenactment, making arcane claims of assorted genius that would have old Steve going WTF??? THEN he gushes about the brilliant nuance Tom Cruise brought to, er, WAR OF THE WORLDS, make us this what you will.

Not only does he evidence zero understanding about filmmaking technique or acting, he's so far up his own shimmeringly astute posterior that he honestly thinks that the reason movies don't make it is because the Evil Idiot Critic Cabal did not pimp it. And so he has no notion that there's a thing called marketing, or a thing called dumb luck.

Finally, as oft noted, the real reason he goes on and on and on about the TERRIBLE THREAT posed by hipsters is that he's miffed that they dare threaten his positioning of himself as the ultimate hipster who always knows more than anyone than anyone and is always correct, more moral than you, and the one brave soul standing between collapsing world and the fact that, again, NORBIT rulz.

Really, it's like he suffers from some sort of academia-based PTSD: The sky is always fallimg; only he can prop it up by trashing anyone who disagrees.

gff, you gotta be kiddin, Sirk had to be subtle about tons of shit the Code prohibited

definitely. i'm just saying that's twbb's self-conscious lineage. he's playing with that form. and i know, i'm always suspicious of people saying things like "oh it's not meant to be xxxx" by way of excusing something for not being xxxx, BUT plainview is not exactly a character study. more like an archetype. so the lack of depth just didn't seem like an issue to me. he's a sort of monolithic game piece on a monumental board. the movie seems to me more about the force of his action than the nuances of his character. but that's a subjective thing; to me the movie was kind of like getting steamrolled or bulldozed, and that was exciting, i don't get bulldozed at movies very often. if you didn't feel bulldozed, or object to bulldozing on principle, it would be a different experience.

― tipsy mothra, Saturday, January 19, 2008 2:55 PM (11 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

(and to take that a step further, pta's and ddl's bulldozing approach mirror plainview's; the movie's an example of what it's about)

― tipsy mothra, Saturday, January 19, 2008 2:57 PM (11 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

shit bulldozed me with boring

give me the blud, cankles~

Somehow I thought this deserved to go on this thread.

"The Most Hated Film Critic"

29 December 2008 12:55 AM, PST

A Los Angeles Times article on Sunday suggested that Ben Lyons, the current co-host of the syndicated movie-review show At the Movies, has become "the most hated film critic in America" among film bloggers, columnists, professional movie critics and even longtime fans of the show. (The article observed that viewership this season is down 21 percent from a year ago.) Scott Johnson, who started the StopBenLyons.com blog, told the Times: "I don't expect to agree with a critic all the time. But his approach is to throw out blurbs just so he can get on a poster" for the movie he's reviewing. Erik Childress, vice president of the Chicago Film Critics Assn., remarked, "His integrity's out the window. He has no taste." Variety.com deputy editor Anne Thompson said that with Lyons providing the reviews, At the Movies has become "a train wreck." But Brian Frons, an executive with Disney-ABC Television Group, defended Lyons saying, "This is a guy who, if you sit and talk with him, he really does have an enormous love and knowledge base of movies. ... Did he spend 20 years as critic for a major newspaper? No. He's very much of the TV generation who don't [sic] spend time reading newspapers."

Haha he really does seem like a dope.

I kinda like that dude! but I guess it's context, he seemed to have pretty good taste for an E News Daily walk-on but they shouldn't have gone right from there into Ebert's spot

I lolled when he came on E during "James Bond week" and trashed Quantum of Solace

*he shouldn't have

"he seemed to have pretty good taste"

I see no evidence of this.

in the context of E network where they blowjob every blockbuster he seemed all right

haven't seen him on At the Movies

I don't watch E! so I can't compare him to the folks on that channel, but compared to like actual people with brains who like love movies he's total deadweight. He makes Richard Roeper seem like Pauline Kael.

he seemed to have pretty good taste for an E News Daily walk-on

translation: he looks cute

Armond wrote a piece on Lyons & Mankiewicz not long ago (I've never seen the show).

Some blog reported Lyons was on his cellphone through an entire screening.

http://nymag.com/movies/profiles/54318/

http://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpghttp://images.nymag.com/movies/profiles/armondwhite090223_250.jpg

Made in U.S.A. and 2 or 3 Things have more in common with the visual wit of Michael Bay’s Transformers 2. It is Godard’s bold example that taught Bay to love sound and image. All these films share a visual language and a way of seeing the world that is rooted in an artistic use of technology. What a triple bill.

Based on the original 1980s Transformer toys by Hasbro and subsequent TV cartoons and limited print run grimoires, the Transformer movies expound on this cultural plenitude. Their fascination with technology —the way common objects rearrange, expand or shrink as if having a benevolent or malicious life of their own — drives the stories. This transformation is the filmic equivalent of an alchemists workshop and Bay is the Aquinas here, the ideal director to realize this peculiar genre, which remakes the surfeit of modern techno-gadgetry into a panoply of heavy-balled supervehicles

http://www.filmmakermagazine.com/winter2004/features/images/critic.jpg

have 2 say dude loves paul w.s. anderson: movie genius so he cant be all bad

Transformers doesn’t simultaneously critique pop culture like Joe Dante’s Small Soldiers, Paul W.S. Anderson’s Death Race or Joseph Kahn’s near-miraculous Torque (none of Bay’s mechanical anthropomorphism matches the wit of how Torque’s human characters live through their vehicles)

http://codebloo.net/stuff/picard-headesk.jpg

SMALL FUCKING SOLDIERS?!?!

yah im pretty sure he was won over by the films lyrical impulsiveness and digitized grace

he really is a consummate troll

"Transformers doesn’t simultaneously critique pop culture like Joe Dante’s Small Soldiers, Paul W.S. Anderson’s Death Race or Joseph Kahn’s near-miraculous Torque (none of Bay’s mechanical anthropomorphism matches the wit of how Torque’s human characters live through their vehicles)"

This sentence is hysterical.

Hey, Small Soldiers is great, despite Captain Challops' endorsement. It's a smart, witty movie.

i like small soldiers.

its aight but its no torque

this fucking guy

" This Star Trek sells cuteness, sentimentality and explosive F/X as if Starship Troopers, Minority Report, Mission to Mars or even Blade Runner or The Matrix (all visionary standard-setters) never happened."

Forget the Oscar bait, Transporter 3 is the only movie you need to see this season

NOTHING IN CINEMA this week is more important than Transporter 3. It’s been a long time since a new movie has been so spiritually and aesthetically exhilarating. Producer Luc Besson, director Olivier Megaton and star Jason Statham work at the top of their imagination and abilities—not like they’re completing a formulaic sequel but reinventing the action movie genre.

thats basically otm i mean cmon

oh also mission to mars is being remade with the o.g. cast and script but its being retitled mission 2 mars

Transporter 3 is clearly the wackest, most formulaic of the Transporter series!

Holy shit @ the cast list for The Expendables!

* Sylvester Stallone as Barney Ross a.k.a. "The Schizo", a long-time veteran Expendable and the leader of the team. He struggles with his social life. The only valuable possession he acquired in his life is his custom pickup truck. [13] [14]
* Jason Statham as Lee Christmas, a British American Expendable second in command and former S.A.S. soldier also an expert at using Close Quarters Combat with knives. Lee, although a tough guy in his work, he struggles in society's atmosphere as he has trouble when dealing with women. [15]
* Mickey Rourke as Tool, an arms dealer who helps the Expendables and is one of the first Expendables from Ross's old team.[16]
* Jet Li as Bao Thao, a Chinese American Expendable who was a former mercenary in China and a master at Hand-to-hand combat[17] Thao also has dreams of having a successful and peaceful future.[18]
* Dolph Lundgren as Gunnar Jensen, a German Expendable who is an expert at Sniping and a war veteran who also has a knack for making strange violent humor. Jensen also shares a hate-love relationship with Ross, his long time friend [19]
* Terry Crews as Hale Caeser, an Expendable and Bao Thao's best friend. He is also a Weapons specialist[20]
* Charisma Carpenter as Lacy, Lee Christmas's fiancee[21]
* Lauren Jones as Cheyenne
* Eric Roberts as Monroe, a rogue C.I.A agent who is trying to prevent the Expendables from killing General Garza
* Steve Austin as Dan Paine, a bodyguard for Monroe and a former Marine[22]
* Randy Couture as Toll Road, a long-time Expendable from Ross's old team with Tool and a skilled Demolitions expert[23]
* David Zayas as General Garza, the Dictator[24]
* Giselle Itié as Sandra, a young island native woman
* Gary Daniels as The Brit, a former Expendable who is General Garza's main henchman and wants to go to war against the Expendables as revenge for kicking him out of the team[25]
* Nick Searcy as Agent Will Sands
* Amin Joseph as the leader of a group of Pirates of Somali that challenge the Expendables
* Arnold Schwarzenegger In a cameo role. [26]
* Bruce Willis in a cameo role
* Senyo Amoaku as the second in command of the Pirates of Somali that challenge The Expendables.
* Ravi Shankar as a cameo role

Transporter 3 is clearly the wackest, most formulaic of the Transporter series!

poll

Would pay serious $$$ to hear Armond and Michael Bay one-on-one on Godard's late '60s output.

^^^

how much money

Dude reads like a hyper-parody of Kael's "championing of trash" crusade.

i would pay at least $4

more than i have at the moment tbh ;_;

I'd pay more than I'd pay for a ticket to Transformers 2.

I might pay as much for the Criterion Transformers DVD, with B&N's 50% off sale.

http://www.filmmakermagazine.com/winter2004/features/images/critic.jpg

that's him? for some reason i always thought he was that dorky guy with dreads. who am i thinking of??