people that YELP are scumbags

tbf you also didn't need to search for that

you don't own me

sorry, now that the orioles are out i've got nothing to do but snipe at people on the internet

take your mind off things with a visit to baugher's farm

Whoa! I just got back from autumn touristing in Carroll County. Showvaker's Quality Evergreens does not have any yelp reviews though.

So I order food. Just 10 wings. They bring me only 9. Yep I'm at bit pissed off. I pay for 10 I'd like to have 10. If I ever return to Pittsburg I don't think I'd come back. Service is like 90 percent of the dining experience.

but they brought you like 90 percent of the wings you asked for

"Service is like 90 percent of the dining experience."

I can't figure out who's eating at the wrong restaurants, him or me.

yeah that is pure savagery

It's pretty much the position of the typical yelper though.

they should have called it WatrFillr

"so are we ready to order?"
"oh no, thanks, i'm just here to check out the waiters"

yelpers are generally nouveau riche types who are suddenly "experts" about food and service, either because they come from pain-in-the-ass mcmansion families or they just got a job where their dress code involves a suit (which is on the nicer side of "off the rack" and you know they fought with the cashier over whether the coupon was valid).

i picture the typical yelper as coming from a newly affluent and republican part of the san gabriel valley, and when he or she comes into the big city, they haggle with the valet because the neighborhood is too "ghetto" for street parking.

a job where their dress code involves a suit (which is on the nicer side of "off the rack" and you know they fought with the cashier over whether the coupon was valid)

Honestly I have no reason to think that people who have a classier suit or suits are any nicer on Yelp than people who shop at Jos. A Banks!

These savages in their cheap suits...

xp I think the point is that rich people who are used to eating in nice restaurants aren't the ones going on yelp at all

First of all I would like to say that I went to have dinner with my family at Fuji buffet on 14 mile and john r n while I was eating I seen a nasty disgusting looking bug in my food it looked like a dead cooked up cock roach! I called my server n told her then she called the manager. when the manager seen the nasty bug in my food he said it's Cus the noodles then he said it's from the veggies but I didn't even have veggies on my plate...????? Then instead of him being a nice manager he started getting loud with me n said all hes gonna do is take 10 percent off my bill then my husband said sir it's not about the money it's that my wife just seen a nasty bug in her food that she was about to eat then he said it is about the money.. Like we don't have money or something he was just soooo rude!!! N I'll never go back to that place again He wanted me to pay him for bug in my food like a dumbass! N I asked for the owner n he said she's not here n later on I found out she was there n the manager turned out to be her Fucked up son N when I got home my stomach was hurting so bad fuck Fuji buffet they have the nastiest worst food n service ever !!!!

Posted in the review section for the Oxnard, CA Fuji Buffet but the user just copied and pasted their review for the Madison Heights, MI restaurant of the same name.

N N N N N

cock roach

And... seen.

He wanted me to pay him for bug in my food like a dumbass!

Last time I went to one of my favorite restaurants, I noticed a dead roach. It had become stuck in the frame of one of the pieces of art in the bathroom. I was so bummed. I didn't bring it up to the server or anything, or even anyone I was eating with. I had planned to send a letter or email to the manager or someone to let them know, but never ended up doing so.

(oh, point being: I didn't fucking YELP about it either)

http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/yelp-has-a-truly-staggering-number-of-dumb-reviews-1659501105

"racist against whites" site:yelp.com

About 1,060 results (0.23 seconds)

http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/yelp-has-a-truly-staggering-number-of-dumb-reviews-1659501105

― put your money where the maracas are (how's life), Thursday, November 20, 2014 8:39 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Didn't read this, but I generally kind of roll my eyes when blogsites do this sort of meme-compilation journalism. It makes me think of an 80s news anchor voice going "It's called Hardcore Punk Rock, and it may already be a craze at your kids' high school"

Yeah, it was really a disappointing compilation of reviews.

last one is v standard and not confusing at all but that might be because i read a million short stories by male college students and about 10% of them were written in that voice

yelp is a logical place for those guys to end up

Isn't the Jezebel piece the exact same thing we do here?

even a cursory read of this thread would have turned up dozens of far more horrifying and soul-sucking yelp reviews, and funnier commentary on them, sorry jez

yeah, it's like that buzzfeed thing that was like "LOOK AT ALL THESE HILARIOUS VIDEOS OF PEOPLE DANCING TO PHISH! WOULDN'T THAT BE WEIRD, IF THAT WAS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, IN LIFE?!"

The crab guy was pretty funny tho

Calling this person out for giving my friend's awesome cafe three stars because even though the reviewer thinks it's really good, it apparently cramps her style

Jess T.
Brooklyn, NY

44 friends
133 reviews

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3.0 star rating
11/25/2014

Not entirely sure how I feel about this place. It's not "Brooklyn" or "Williamsburg" style. It feels like it belongs in the financial district or the upper west side. But the food is tasty and the coffee is delish and the service is admirable... So... Three stars is my "could swing either way" rating

I also just don't know what she means, it's pretty Brooklyn-y, and a lot of stuff in Williamsburg looks like the financial district now anyway.

lol

Starbucks
$ Coffee & Tea
405-409 Union Ave
Williamsburg, NY 11211

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1.0 star rating
9/18/2014

It's appalling that a Starbucks has opened in Williamsburg. What a blight on the neighborhood! And such a disappointment that this was even allowed. Terrible coffee, terrible service!!! Do yourself a favor and go one block down to The West, Brooklyn or one block over to Gimme Coffee and get yourself a proper, locally sourced, fair trade coffee and say "get the F out of Williamsburg" to the Green Giant! Drink local, not corporate.

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people that live in brooklyn are scumbags

So, the coffee plantations in NY are union?

yeah I know right

rooftop-grown coffee

grown right here on our own bicycles, tended to by dedicated mustaches

I do not think that "locally sourced" means what you think it means.

it certainly doesn't mean "locally roasted" -- otherwise any food cooked in the area would be "locally sourced"

did the first starbucks really open in williamsburg recently? i can't think of more than a very few even lower-middle-class neighborhoods in chicago that haven't had a starbucks for years.

btw that yelp review is like the distilled essence of self-deluded yuppie brooklynism.

i bet s/he complains about her neighborhood "gentrifying" too

from '99 to '03 i dreamed of opening a Bedford Starbucks directly across the first L stop to troll everyone. In time that storefont turned into a Dunkin Donuts so partial wish fulfillment.

Adam G.
Brooklyn, NY
16 friends
100 reviews
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2.0 star rating 11/28/2014
1 check-in
It is is a popular and trendy little place that generally meets expectations. Yet there are a few points that need to be addressed before I can grant it more stars.

The dining room is clean, though very cramped, with probably 2 or 3 more tables than is comfortable for the small space. The staff are very friendly, and quite efficient. Truly, they are the real stars of this place; eager to create a good dining experience.

The sandwiches are tasty and well prepared, and the salads are rather generous. The brunch items are unfortunately a different story. The smoked salmon platter was very much a let down. There is a great deal of fish on the plate, accompanied by a quattro of poker chip sized scallion pancakes - 2 under the fish and two liberally dolloped with creme fraiche. As well on the plate are 2 poached eggs, a clump of pickled onions, and a smattering of fresh horseradish. The scallion pancakes are too small to be anything but a garnish. The eggs were tragically overcooked and entirely cold. the horse radish was excessively biting, and rather that waking up the dish, quickly overpowered it.

The dish is very unablanced, being primary a party platter of fish with an excessive array of condiments and garnishes. Half the components on the plate are unnecessary, serving only to muddle the flavours and confuse the palate. It is a dish that requires editing - a little voice in the chef's head saying "that's enough! Stop it! Now take 2 things off that plate!"

It should be noted that the chef displays a wonderful palate. The flavour combinations work, and work well. Yet ultimately the lack of restraint is the food's undoing.

For sandwiches and salads Cafe Iris is quite nice. Though there are other options nearby that don't require sitting in the lap of other patrons for overly complicated dishes.