Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

do it!

Wait, Urban Dictionary is moderated? They sure have a high tolerance for hate-speech if so

https://twitter.com/UNICEF/status/520332161367674881

KEY DATES
HS2 project timeline

We are determined to get cracking with HS2. We have already completed the consultation on Phase One, and in 2013 we began seeking powers from Parliament to construct the line between London and the West Midlands via a hybrid Bill.

The first shovels will hit the ground in 2017 and the first high speed trains should be speeding along the tracks between Birmingham and London by 2026.

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ABOUT HS2 LTD

Realising Britain's transport future
HS2 Ltd is the company responsible for developing and promoting the UK’s new high speed rail network and is wholly owned by the Department for Transport.

We are determined to get cracking with the invasion of Poland. We have already completed the consultation on Phase One, and in 1939 we began seeking powers from Obersalzberg to destroy the German–Polish Non-Aggression Pact.

Optilead ‏@Optilead 2m2 minutes ago
Make your #business more like Erik Lamela and #convert with style http://www.optilead.co.uk/optilead-services/website-conversion-and-optimisation/ … #rabona

o u motherfuckers

"If I could turn back time..." Like Cher, now you can. Remember clocks go back on Sunday, at 2am. Just be thankful they don't go back to the 80's."

It was not possible to reply "fuck off" to this bulk giffgaff text

that's not how time works giffgaff you fucknuggets

was trying to find anything on twitter about their service and website being down this morning and instead all i could see was ppl posting screencaps of that and simply loving the bantz

it's also not how the premise of that song works xp

Make your #business more like Erik Lamela and #convert with style http://www.optilead.co.uk/optilead-services/website-conversion-and-optimisation/ … #rabona

this kind of joyless hashtag piggypacking while equally disagreeable is kind of a different phenomenon I think

yeah you heard, piggypacking

Some kind of apotheosis of the form:
https://twitter.com/thetwofairies

London Transport twee-ness -- is it a new thing that all tube announcements start with "Ladies and Gentlemen"? Either way, I HATE IT.

is that twee?

via a friend:

Woo Hoo!
Thats the geeks just doing a conga back from the post office where your carefully packed package of headshots are now in the hands of Postman Pat.
In a little while, once they've celebrated another hard days work with a coffee and Kitkat, they'll send you another email with the Royal Mail package number - and a text too.
Now, if you are anything like me you'll go onto the Royal mail website and see where it is - sorry, you'll be dissapointed. The photos are sent 'Signed For" and are not trackable. You'll be able to see they have been delivered - but you'll know that as you'll have the prints!
The prints should be delivered tomorrow (unless that's Sunday or a bank holiday).

And if you are anything like me you'll grab your imaginary machine gun and start liberally scattering bullets into the faces of every living soul within reach in a pique of explicit violence not seen since Postman Pat ran over his black and white cat! ! ! ! Woo Hoo!

London Transport twee-ness -- is it a new thing that all tube announcements start with "Ladies and Gentlemen"? Either way, I HATE IT.

― Chuck_Tatum, Friday, November 7, 2014 12:02 PM (1 hour ago)

That's not twee friendliness, it's formal speech.

I don't think they used to do it, though. It's a weird mix of oldfashioned over-formality and forced bonhomie - usually strapped to some lateness or defect. ("Ladies and gentlemen... the Northern Line is closed today, as is the Metropolitan, the Bakerloo, Finsbury Park is flooded..." etc

"HEY TUBEPROLES, THE TRAINS ARE FUCKED, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE WALKING"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/11249609/Tesco-goes-the-extra-mile-with-poetic-reply-to-disappointed-students.html

"We were bitterly disappointed about the lack of popcorn and understandably very upset,"

someone make it stop

tesco mobile's twitter feed is just the worst thing

http://www.buzzfeed.com/scottybryan/this-is-the-best-twitter-conversation-you-will

main tesco twitter is pretty bad too

Tesco @Tesco · Nov 23
Instead of letting it be Monday tomorrow, shall we just have another Sunday? Surely, if enough people agree, it’ll be allowed. Surely…?

St Andrews is the worst. Both as someone from St Andrews, and as someone who went to St Andrews University I apologise for these terrible, terrible people.

#Raisin2014

when some Tesco customer service drone writes better poetry than you maybe time to rethink yr academic career

Given Tesco's recent travails that tweet is just asking for a brutal truthbomb smackdown.

This is a class issue really, isn't it

If you're a chirpy random student lol, this style says 'We are like you', if you're a prole it says 'Fuck you'

http://kfcsharesies.co.uk/

#sharesies

https://www.lindt-shop.de/WebRoot/Lindt/Shops/Lindt/51D6/7BFA/ED19/2298/A61C/D475/4B9E/D720/22451.png

?!?!

new display name btw

nice to sweet you

is that a chocolate bar w/ biscuit bits or simply a dark chocolate cookie?

the former.

the strawberry version is nice.

oh my..

http://www.tosseduk.com/index.php/about-us

jesus christ. infant-level vocabulary and the inescapable suspicion that the employees of tossed have masturbated into every sandwich they send out in their fucking 'eco friendly vroom vroom' is a new depth of creeping awfulness.

you have no idea how irksome i find this shit...

Right on the Mutton!

We use the loveliest lambs from the Dorset Downs breed. These lambs roam freely over the coastal hills, soaking up the view, playing tag and generally putting their feet up, resulting in the tastiest, most tender lamb we could find.

happy lickle animals that just can't wait till that naughty mr bolt gun gets shot through their smiling lamby faces. maybe they've gone the whole innocent smoothy and put stuff like '28 silly old cluck-clucks were shoved through a macerator to make this tasty pot of soup - aw bless!' on their cartons

Can't even put my reaction to that shit into words

There could be a whole other thread on golden rustic farm imagery in British advertising, but I guess it would be harder to catalogue that stuff - packaging on cider bottles and packets of sausages that you throw away - all these golden sunsets and silhouettes of farmers and trees

You know what I mean, the sort of bourgeois-volkisch stuff that runs alongside the Innocent aesthetic and in this case has sort of crossed over

eco friendly vroom vroom is definitely an all time low.

Dear Mildly Absent Museum Lover,

How are you, and the kids, and the mother-in-law, and that slightly sexy friend of hers with the big buck teeth?

'Tis us, The Museum of Everything, apologising for our sombre silence. We have been constructing the museum's new wing, replete with underground sauna, Thai treatment rooms and icy splash pool.

/thread

just checked about half dozen products on this site and they all have a variant of the same spiel

http://www.oddbins.com/de-martino-legado-chardonnay

We love hops - A lot

Despite being Cavemen we try not to use twigs, berries, animal skins or any other nasty stuff in our beer.

We strive to provide the fullest flavour from our beer and as such are inspired by brewers from all over the world, from US breweries hoppiest double IPA's to bittersweet UK porters.

http://www.cavemanbrewery.co.uk/