Dear Abbott

Dear Abbott:

My son is the proud owner of 2 gently used guinea pigs - he's read all kinds of literature about them, and considers himself quite the expert, but what advice do you have for a budding piggie owner that might not otherwise have been covered by generic online websites?

Love,

Luna

Dear Luna,

I am glad he has guinea pigs; they are thick-skulled furry peanuts that only love!
1. Parsley has the highest vitamin C content of any vegetable. It's also cheap and keeps a while in the fridge: a perfect cavy snack.
2. No matter what any site says, do not try to introduce two males who have not been raised together. It will only yield violence, injury and competetive peeing.
3. Don't try to teach guinea pigs tricks, they are too simple to learn them and won't enjoy it.
4. You can line the bottom of the cage with thrifty nickel classifieds/free weeklies because most inks are soy inks these days and will not hurt the cavies. You will not need to spread near as much bedding in the cage. It saves money and bedding.

5. Don't get extremely guilted out by sites that say you need like 6 square feet per pig in their cages. That is simply unfeasible in many houses and if they are getting a lot of personal attention (which if you have a boy, they probably are), it does not matter so much.

ever since I was three I knew that something was something different in my sexual preferences, as time went on I realized that I liked anime babes and Hentai. Ever since then I have been looking at anime porn and such, I`m not attracted to real girls that much. If I see a girl naked I won`t like it but If I see hentai I`m all in for it. Since I`m a christian I`m wondering if God made me thid way for punishment or something, I don`t blame him at all. He didn`t have to make me anyway so I thank him for simply making me. Anyway is it normal for me to like anime babes or not? Should I tell my parents or hide thid decret from them? I`m looking at this HOT anime babe in her bra and panties and I`m hard as heck! But is this a sin?

I've noticed they eat the shit out of parsley - good! They're both girls, so we're good there. Do they get bored? I feel sort of bad for them being stuck in the cage all day with not too much to do. Also, do they EVER like being picked up? I don't think they were played with much by the girl who owned them before him, so they mostly squeak and run away.

It would be awesome if luna's questions were about hott anime babes.

Dear Luna,

They just like to scatter and scamper away. They are prey animals with no option for fight reflex so most any nearby motion = flight mode. Once you've picked them up, though, they do enjoy being held. Some like having their sides stroked, some behind the ears, and some like having their chins scratched. Most all of them dislike having their butt/oil gland touched and the bridge of their nose.

If they have each others' company it is unlikely they are bored, though it's good to give them some outside the cage time, even if they are not used to being held. If I don't have time to hold my little guy or such, I usually just lay a towel down in the empty bathtub and let him play in there. It gives him a chance to run around and have a little change of pace.

Dear iiiijjjj,

You need to retake eighth-grade Boner Hiding class. Tuck it behind the waistband of your undies. Then go to your parents and whip it out and ask how you can get rid of it. Liking anime baebs is not a sin, however.

My dearest Abbott,

The rain continues without cease, and the men complain of numerous ailments and the quality of their boots. Our retreat from Hamilton's position has been perilously slow, and men are lost at every turn. Bergson fears desertions, but I am told we are merely losing men to mud, hunger, and infection; they straggle behind the march and collapse, quickly lost to us behind the curtain of the advancing mortars. It is true that a leader's fear can travel down the ranks, but it is equally true that the men's fear can cycle up them, just as the gangrenes assailing their tired feet may eventually reach their hearts. With every inch of rain, a knot of worry builds in my breast, whispering to me that I may never again see the wide prairies and sun-baked adobes of my home. If god grants me not the blessing of returning to you, I ask only that you offer what consolations you can to my mother and sisters.

My question is: does this saber look better if I wear it like this, or tie it around more like this?

Yours, etc.,

Ma chère Abbott,

Que reste-t-il de ces beaux jours?

Veuillez agréer, Madame, l'assurance de mes sentiments distingués

M

CDearest nabisco,

Godspeed to you in these hours of tribulation. Your saber will look totally bitchin' if you just carry it in your non-dominant hand all the time and swing it around like a barely-coordinated loon. Everyone loves a wildcard. The place where you carried your saber can then be used for a picnic satchel to carry a very dignified meal: a bottle of red wine with crystal goblets, a round of firm and savory cheese, two poached eggs, Two jiggers of finely aged scotch, a fresh aubergine, and kumquats from a first-fruited sapling.

Dear Abbott,

If they made a movie about your life, who would play you?

Peace.

Liebe Herr White,

Deise Tagen kann nicht am Luft sein. Die Futur ist eine große Null.

Danke,

die traurige Abbott

Dear caek,

Why is it the only person I can think of is Paul Giamatti? That is wildly inappropriate. I would like to be played by Lillian Gish, were she not dead. Trying to think of a suitable living actress my age is vexing. I am truly drawing a blank. If they hired Sarah Silverman to play me, though, the casting director would get their ass spanked until it was beetroot red, which would later blossom into beetgreen colored ass bruises.

lily taylor duh

ethan OTM

Abbott-

did you ever hang out with my friend Ashl3y?

-gr80

Dear Abbott,

President Bush: great president or greatest president?

Dear Abbott,

How does it feel?

Kind regards,
Bob

Hey Abbott,

Why do you hate Led Zeppelin?

Yrs,
Max

hey abbott,

lou_costello.gif

holla atcha boy,

HOOS

dear abbott,

you are avoiding my question. my heart is broke.

xRR

Dear Abbott,

Pip pip. Jolly good. As you were. Carry on.

Haha, I was reading nabisco's entry in the Ken Burns Civil War doc narrator voice even before I knew what it said (the opening salutation did it)!

And surely Julia Stiles would star as Abbott.

Dear Grady,

Yes I have and she and her husband are the coolest, funnest smartest people we've hung out with or met in a long time. My fiancé loves them too. Muchos gracias.

Dear Viceroy,
Dalek Sec: great dalek, or the greatest dalek?

Dear max,

I do not hate Led Zeppelin so much as I have been forced to be around people who I hate who worship the Zep. Whatevs. Hence the negative connotations. I can't relate to their Zeppitude-love because the only song I truly truly love of theirs is the first one on that album w/the great cover of everyone holding that obelisk-thing, and they just want to listen to fucking Dazed and Confused for the eight gajillionth time.

Dear Rubyredd,

My sincere apologies for my sloth and ignorance. I have the valentines here on my desk, no less, but I got all intimidated and when you suggested a boffo envelope that will leave yr roomies in shock/awe. FWIW there are letters to my congressmen, stamped & all, that have just been sitting on my coffeetable for three days and they're re: a very important concern to me.

Dear Bob,

It feels very carefully.

dear abbott,

do you love me more than the other men who have posted on this thread, other than gr8080 who i understand is a total hottie. and i cant top that.

yours (MAYBE)-

dn

ps julia stiles is actually v boring y/n?

dear abbott,

okay i will try to be more patient. but i will send you something awesomely new zealand-like in return.

xxxRR

DAER ABBP0T

HI DERE WAHT IS IT MADE?

Dear Mr. Nuts,

My fiancé theeee Viceroy posted here so I am sorry but the answer is no.

DAERSt HEVAE HO,

GUESS PAPERS; A SERIOUS GIRL THAT AIMS MARRIAGE

dear abbott,

moooooooooooooooooooooooooooon riiiiiiiiiiiiiiver

luv 4 ya,

HOOS

Dear HOOS THE LARGE,

I don't go out late (nowhere to go) – go home about eight, just me and my radio.

da-

yeah well like im third at least though surely. just say yes.

-dn

dear abbott,

when are you getting married? and how do your parents feel about it?

xo
-m.

Dear mookieproof,

We are getting hitched summer 2009. My parents liked John when they met him, however, it has always been clear they've wanted me to marry a return missionary. Fortunately they have quit expressing that hope in the past three years.

dear abbott,

Another Cubs curse?

What calamity could befall the Chicago Cubs next?

-dn

Dear Mr. Nuts,

Myposian terrorists, as soothsayed by the Perfect Strangers opening credits.

Dear Abbott,

Will you be stuck on this thread forever, answering questions?

Dear Mr. M,

To get into is to never get out of.

dear Abbott,

i found you this dog. It says hello.

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n43/MissMelsa/ill-save-you.jpg

sincerely,

kf

dear abbott,

i just had a chocolate + jam donut ("baked not fried, so it's a bit better for you" according to the lady at the shop). should I go acquire another y/n?

Dear haitch,

This donut lady sounds like she is baking the donuts because it's hard to get donuts to raise ("purf" is what they said at my donut shop) so they do not collapse or balloon during their brief trial by boiling lard. I suspect she is fronting with the health angle. However, if you found the donut delicious and want another, go acquire two (another for tomorrow's breakfast).

dear abbott

do i:
a. tell her how i feel
b. get drunk and tell her how i fell
c. other

Dear deej,

I have always chosen option c as options a and b are scary. But were it an absolute need to tell her, option b would be good. Not SO drunk that you'll black out and forget it though. And if you somehow come across poorly or she does not share your like, DON'T use drunkenness as an excuse the next day. That's transparent and dishonest.

you are as beautiful as princess leia and as wise as master yoda

^^^ THIS

Dear Abbott,

This is not a question, merely a note that your advice thread > my random thread on 1p3. Oh it is true, it is.

Ned

Dear Abbott,

When considering a potential romantic relationship (as opposed to a mere one-night stand), is it better to end up having sex after the first date, on the first date, or before the first date?

Tuomas

Also, you didn't answer my question about whether or not you like "Love and It's Glory"?

Dear Abbott,

have you ever iced a guy for being violent to an animal in public?

kf

Abbott-

Is sass overrated?

-gr8080