Craigslist hilarity

"rich people only to do serious research and important writing, pay is under $100 a week, we do not know how to use computers"

how do you think the rich stay rich amirite

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/zip/4593335585.html

Free "Noise" Table (Tarantula Hill)

Giving away a very broken-in "Noise" table. Folds up nice, has that signature unstable feel to it. From laptops to synths crappy fx pedals, this table will definitely suit your needs and might break midway into your set transitioning your performance nicely into an "on-your-knees" tantrum style ending. This table has been used by GIANTS of the "Noise" tradition such as Narwhalz, Max Eilbacher, Reverse Baptism, Sister Midnight, Gene Pick, Nate Young, Rat Bastard and others. NO Trip Metal Spammmers!!!

haha damn i was hoping that was in the music gear category

hahah i just realized it is just a table

Any neophyte who quickly grabs up this bargain-priced $3850 Ferrari 360 Spider may be in for an unpleasant surprise.....

im a neophyte, what gives?

It's a Mitsubishi upon which the seller has affixed some Ferrari badges.

the floor mats are kinda a giveaway

I like that he calls it a replica.

Beyond the Ferrari logos, the only replicated parts are the red paint and maybe the wheels. It takes a bit more to convincingly clone a Ferrari

I'd like to think the price'd be a dead giveaway even knowing zilch about cars!

This sword is from the 1700s. I got it at an antique store in my memaw's home town back in 1984. The person who sold it to me told me to be careful because there is a 90+% chance that it is cursed. Since it's been in my house my life has descended into pure chaos. My knitting group came over and they all said they could feel a strange energy in my sword room (I have a collection of over 100 swords. This is my only haunted sword). Since i got this sword, about 3 times a week a crucifix will fall off of my wall for no reason. I am 76 years old. I cannot have this cursed item in my house anymore. Please take it off my hands!!

Great Pic too.

https://austin.craigslist.org/atq/4786268922.html

amazing

amazing

― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, December 5, 2014 2:58 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

picture preserved for posterity because it must be
http://i.imgur.com/hiGvDMw.jpg

The person who sold it to me told me to be careful because there is a 90+% chance that it is cursed.

*** rolls D20 ***

the frogurt is also cursed

fake

I WILL WALK YOUR DOG (Seattle): http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/pet/4842776649.html

Boogie For Jesus is a dance ministry that tries to create a party atmosphere wherever they perform. Its feature performer and founder is an entertainer named Lorvin. Through the use of his 3 characters of The Charismatic, The Godinator, and Mr. Minnesota, he has probably entertained over 1/2 million people through over 25 parades, along with many other events. He is a rapper, dancer, and a professional entertainer. He takes popular music, cleans up the lyrics, and then gives the songs a great message. He has a convertible car with disco ball and a dance crew wearing tie-dye shirts for parades. To find out more, go to BoogieforJesus.com. If your church or organization would like us to perform, please contact me. Thanks.

Through the use of his 3 characters of The Charismatic, The Godinator, and Mr. Minnesota

poll

probably entertained

This HAS to be a prank just to stuff somebody's VM box full for the next 48 hours

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/msg/4949013268.html

portland >multnomah co >for sale >musical instruments - by owner
reply x prohibited[?] Posted: 10 hours ago

Old keybroad roland - $50 (Se)

http://images.craigslist.org/00p0p_2JbOUZuzx5G_600x450.jpg

I have an old keyboard that my son left in the garage a few years ago. The lights go on but it doesn't have speakers so I cant play it. Hopefully someone else has speakers for it.
Here is a picture

$50 or best offer

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 4949013268

For a bassist, we need someone that can come up with creative lines, and not just simply play the root notes of the guitar all the time. As I am a fan of Steve Harris and Geddy Lee, I would love for the bass to really stand out in the songs. You'll also have to be comfortable switching around tunings (or just use an octave pedal to make it all easier).

For a drummer, we need someone skilled, tight, can get crazy at times, but knows when enough is enough. Fills and flourishes are great, but please, don't do it in every single measure! Double bass is a must, no matter how well you can do 16th notes with one foot, and using at least four toms would be a big plus. To make matters easier, I have an eight-piece Tama Superstar that you can use at practice, and even shows.

I probably shouldn't do this, in case this is some ilxor's posting, but the incongruity between these band requirements and the Casiotone For The Painfully Yowly demo they posted has me lolling:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb-WTWan13c

For a piano player, we need someone that can play the vocal melody in exact unison with our singer

I know, right? I'm trying to imagine this demo with Geddy Lee bass and blast beats. I think part of the reason I find this so funny is his platonic ideal of 4+ toms is my 9th circle of hell.

maybe I am grossly misunderstanding "octave pedal" but what the hell does that have to do with alternate tunings

haha, I wondered that as well.

maybe that song is an example of what they're trying to move away from...?

'switching around tunings' is code for "playing the solo to 'fool in the rain'"

For a guitar player, we need someone who can create as much string noise as possible when changing power chords.

or 'octave pedal' = 'pitch shifter' and the only alternative tuning they use is tune down half or whole step.

but they want to move beyond furrier transfers, basically

Another one, lengthy but worth the time:

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/muc/4994437125.html

http://www.youtube.com/user/gigadead

(relating to Dan's post just now)

Steve Marriott type vocalist (MN)

Needed and Humble Pie type vox. No drugs or boozers.

Uh, how exactly do they think Steve GOT that voice?

Soul-consuming succubus seeks innocent milquetoast for dream haunting

diet : the immortal souls of corrupted men
dislikes : God and His servants
body : unimaginably beautiful, barely out of reach
height : like nine feet
age : 5600 years, give or take

Me: uncompromisingly evil, soul-consuming creature of the netherworld (i.e., a succubus) seeking an innocent between the ages of 18 and 65 whose dreams to haunt on a regular, long-term basis. My interests include psychological torture, literally eating souls, wet dreams, sleep deprivation-induced panic attacks in the bathroom stall of your favorite sports bar, spicy food, non-missionary sex in the astral plane, and serving Satan, lord of all evil.

You: completely innocent, perhaps even virginal, teetering on the edge of corruption and in need of a good, hard push.

Serious replies only, we don't fuck around down here.

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/theres_a_giant_pink_vagina_couch_for_sale_on_craigslist#disqus_thread

For the right-wing babysitter and floor sweeper in your life

About 75% of this job is evening childcare for three very fun boys, 6-year-old twins and a 2-year-old. The remaining time will be divided between blogging about current events and light household tasks (floor sweeping, etc.). Candidates must be available to work 3 or 4 evenings per week from 5:00 PM until 8:30 PM. The political writing will consist of short, tabloid-style blog entries about the news from a conservative point of view.

The location is on the west side of Madison, near the Whole Foods, and the specific days can be determined (partly) by the candidate.

Qualifications:

Experience working with children.
Licensed driver with good driving record: one of the duties is picking the kids up from daycare. Owning a car is a plus.
Excellent writing skills.
Strong references.

https://madison.craigslist.org/wri/5182058568.html

Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter, Breitbart, Is Dead

that is so fucked up

needs an "i'm wanking as i write this" poststript more than anything in casual encounters

holy shit

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CQ0sAwYWoAETIgY.png:large

What's a RINO?

republican in name only

oh that totally makes it

Help doing a cycle of steroids - m4m (castro/duboce triangle)