Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

especially if it means they're turning down money!

ed.b, I also got rejected by eharmony. That was about 10 years back, so they're at least consistent in their approach...

Update: not having a lot of success with either okcupid or match.com. I'm in every way an average Joe, so it's not like I expected an immediate return or anything, but when I get notifications that a few women I "like" are "interested," I get my hopes up - which I admit is my fault. But one would think if they are interested in both my picture and profile they'd reply to my email. I can see from their interest that we have a lot in common, so I'm baffled that my reply to the same goes unanswered. I typically don't email woman who don't give me a "wink" or an "interested" designation. Maybe it's the way I leave my email? I usually ask if they are interested in getting together for a coffee or a drink to let me know. I'd appreciate a woman's perspective on receiving a response from a man you label as "interested in." Maybe I'm too forward at first?

I'm terrible at life; this I know. But I was hoping it was a small-sample problem. I'm drunk, so please allow me to disavow this tomorrow, but I don't know what else to do.

I'm terrible at life; this I know.

Hell, I don't even need dating websites to know this about myself.

why are hair stylists all into tinder

Because they are very classy people.

Maybe it's the way I leave my email? I usually ask if they are interested in getting together for a coffee or a drink to let me know. I'd appreciate a woman's perspective on receiving a response from a man you label as "interested in." Maybe I'm too forward at first?

Yeah, perhaps suggesting a meet-up in your very first email is a bit too much. Many women prefer to exchange 2 or 3 emails before even broaching the topic of meeting IRL, just for a basic kind of sense-check to make sure you're not a creep or a psycho. Your first email should really be short and friendly. If you're unsure, a good format to follow is: a) compliment her on something (preferably not related to her appearance) on her profile then b) ask her a question related to something on her profile. This is to prove that a) you have actually read her profile and not just looked at the pics and b) that you are interested in her opinions and interests. Something like... "Hi, I see you also love Babylon 5, that's my favourite show! Who is your favourite character?" or "I see you have the Brontes down as your favourite authors, do you prefer Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights?" Once you have established that the pair of you are capable of holding a conversation, *then* you proceed to suggesting a meetup. Not before.

it seems your profile and picture is good, but is your email? they might see your profile/picture as nothing more than 'a possible', a 'well lets see what he has to say' - so then how is your email? is it one you would like to receive. do you have women friends who have used dating sites? can you ask them about the mails they've received.

as Branwell says, first email should be short and friendly, natural, nothing riding on it, no obligations - and also as Branwell says, it should ask them about something on their profile. sometimes its easy because a good profile has many hooks, and sometimes its not..most profiles are actually pretty boring and generic (doesnt mean the person is!), so theres not always an 'in'

I cheated at this, mostly, when i did this. I waited for them to write the first mail (its also a good way for you to see how THEY might approach an initial email!)

accepting that people will not write you back (even ppl who "liked" you already) is just part of the deal

any kind of correspondence in life where there is an obligated reply is stressful and horrible

^yup

people could have even really liked what you had to say in your email and had every intention of writing you back but after a few days of not getting around to it, ah whats the point

my work blocks this domain so idk if this is still a valid url but

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

(had that saved from back when i was doing this ha)

I am getting the best responses on tinder with the worst dialogue

if any of you see me on one of those "worst dudes on tinder" tumblrs please let me know

lol

I'm with Branwell on this one - asking me in the initial contact to meet is not *offputting* exactly but a little overbearing. Guys who also just message something generic ("hi how you going wanna chat?" etc) get an immediate nuh-uh. Show me you read my profile, show me WHY you wanted to talk to me, catch me attention somehow!

(its not easy - most ppl who I messaged didnt reply to me either. The 2 I had greatest success with, it turned out I already had IRL mutual friends with which made icebreaking instant and easy).

people could have even really liked what you had to say in your email and had every intention of writing you back but after a few days of not getting around to it, ah whats the point

yeah tbh this is pretty much my entire approach to okc these days, sorry everybody it's not you it's me.

i think the directness of looking for a quick meetup could work in some instances but it'd have to be carefully judged. maybe i'm a conservative okcer but all the meetups i've had have been when the message box conversation sparked pretty well and it just seemed logical to continue it irl rather than in that awkward format.

Coming up to 2 years since I signed up to OKC. Let me tally my score:

I have:
Gone out with 8 people (excluding one that doesn't really count), which led to:
Follow up dates with 2 people, which led to:
1 heartbreak, after not getting anywhere; 1 month long thing, which went as far as first base.

In sum: I am still a 26 year old virgin, but at least have kissed a girl. I am still terrible at dating, and hate it. I am lonelier after I started dating than I was before.

At least I can start to take real comfort in knowing that, rather than just being shy or a late bloomer or whatever, there really is something wrong with me.

^ doubts this

you know that everybody in the world apart from maybe warren beatty's successful connection:uninterested persons ratio is like ... 1:1000000000, right? survey sample of Eight People not totally credible in determining that there is Something Wrong with you. Relationship Stuff just comes out of nowhere; that isn't me saying it comes when you least expect it!!, nor disputing that There Is Something Wrong With Me, but, just that if you dated some people & it didn't work out it doesn't mean that everyone in the world is on a wavelength that you aren't; you just didn't fit with eight individual people, which isn't a terrible ratio in a world of seven billion people

nb, SOME OF WHOM ARE CHILDREN

so whatever, maybe five billion people

ban ed.b from self-deprecation until he has dated one third of the earth's population

ps i do not really have experience of O K C, i am too busy calling up warren beatty's exes & seeing if i can offer a shoulder, but while i recognise it is maybe the illness as well as the solution, it does sorta resemble something designed by scientists as a tool to instill a feeling of loneliness in people, so it probably isn't a weird response to have to a long period of using it

I mean, I'm obviously being facetious, but I'm also half serious about the "real comfort" part. I feel like I would be happier acknowledging my social limits and resigning myself to step back for awhile.

it takes a lot of effort just to get out and try; give yourself a little pat on the back for that at least

otm, it says more about OKC than it does about you

there are some really interesting people on tinder

Hey everyone. Thanks for your helpful responses! I'm a little embarrassed, to be honest. Do you ever have that inclination, while drinking and typing, that you'll regret what you're writing the next day, but you do so anyway? LOL! Advice taken (thanks) - especially the part where I ask if they are interested, and want to get a coffee or drink, to let me know. I'll save that for later :) My emails are always geared towards their emails. I don't bother sending messages to women with overly vague profiles.

My expectations were set at an unrealistic level. I was not expecting many dates initially, just more replies, I guess. Expectations lowered.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/we-experiment-on-human-beings/

I don't have much luck with dating, either, ed. b, and I am incredible

met someone nice & had sex after 2 days back on OKC btw, whoop go me. just uh don't hold back on your profile. put it all out there. people like that.

tick

congrats!!!!!!!!!

much like LBI I think the problem now is sorting out levels of friendship/engagement

like, this girl ticks most of my boxes but isn't after a relationship either & is fairly itinerant, nor am I sure I can handle something committed rn, plus I have a few encouraging correspondences on the go

to chase 15 horses and catch some, but not harness? ach, probably what I need. but what does anyone need? who even knows until it is gotten?

think ultimately I may be happiest with a supportive, kind & stimulating partner, but I'm willing to wait

I got nothing but don't stop now

wait is she a horse

OKCubit

some like to sow their wild oats but others proffer theirs in a feedbag.

only if you know the right clubs

*dodges incoming tsk*

*pulls reins* so you like it kinky?

where are you from 0 missionary to 9 doo doo brown

I cant think of anything

LJ is on about horsefucking and I got nothing, Jesus this is bad I gotta see if my doctors picking up

So wait, if you hide someone on OKC, does that mean they don't see your profile either?

oops, found my flatmate. 95%, not bad.

if you hide someone, why would you want them to be able to see your profile?

met someone nice & had sex after 2 days back on OKC btw, whoop go me. just uh don't hold back on your profile. put it all out there. people like that.

Guess you'd call this a night mare

Have plans to make plans with someone on okc who is a 99% match, lives here, who I somehow haven't met.

is it manny ramirez y/n

romance is never that daring in my world