Blue Saturday

i just remembered i also saw or maybe it was a dream a license plate that said .05DM and i thought, hopefully not the report mode half.

its the max fraction of me active during reporting duty tbh

have you been to keogh's recently, i want to know so i can torment myself with heavenly scone visions.

seems unfair ITT and @nz to note that I start each working day with a scone of almost-keogh quality with ms mac thanks to new commuting arrangements

but the last time I was down home I brought to her place a brown bag of keoghs finest as a peace offering to her father for existing and he muttered afterwards that they were alright which is by all known accounts the highest praise to have been pried outtve him since they stopped making the old jetta

gonna misplace 1 day today for the hell of it

sup

feels like a boozy sentimental wastrel kind of a day and why not?

I drank a little last night, which I shouldn't have, but my housemates had an actual Party while I was out seeing terrible films and having a couple of pints; the kitchen and garden have been completely trashed by R's media company mates, the kitchen table is out in the rain, upstairs toilet seat broken off, &c. Even though I have nothing to do with any of this it's contributed to a sense of unreality which along with my slight hangover/illness is making me feel as though I'm in the middle of a real Bank Holiday session (as I almost certainly would be this time last year and the year before) and I could quite happily put my sunglasses on and wander from pub to pub playing be a caméra-stylo in cambridge. Or hop on a train; a rainy carnival sounds like an excellent idea.

I'm not going to do either of these things though, I'm gonna go see the new Dardennes movie and then go to the pub with my friends and not drink.

all the best dude, not being able to drink truly sucks when you love it but you seem to be handling things pretty well? i'm 1 Elliot Smith album and a couple of glasses of Cab Sauv in and i'm gonna go for a crawl manqué shortly when i can stop singing "if i didn't know the difference living alone wd probly be ok" to mysen and it will be kinda fun, friends to touch wobbly base with, mybe have a moody movie session tomorrow when my head hurts and i'm hyperventilating

everything in the world is...sort of...okay really...when you find yr zone

<3

Spent most of the morning wandering between book shops in Bloomsbury and Charing Cross Road in the driving rain listening to Cradle Of Filth on my headphones. That combination of camp and maudlin strikes me as more helpful today than str8 maudlin. Will spend the rest of the day with a duvet, polar-bear print onesie, calvados and a variety of books about people going to live on remote Scottish islands or traversing the fens. Not feeling overtly gloomy, as such, but could do with a break from the world and its events.

oh yer on BH yis fucks I forgot

Last one until Christmas. At least ye get October.

tru

Will spend the rest of the day with a duvet, polar-bear print onesie, calvados and a variety of books about people going to live on remote Scottish islands or traversing the fens. Not feeling overtly gloomy, as such, but could do with a break from the world and its events.

^ gonna take life tips from SV.

have a good day Daphnis.

am lying on a sofa in a rain lashed flat in Brighton proofing a book on institutionalised financial criminality for a friend. gonna suggest I need to be furnished with alcohol to continue.

good I am a fan of your tipsy ilx work

shd have a drinking t-shirt printed bearing the slogan Doing it for Deems.

hey y'all

hey all y'all excellent people <3

moderation and the love of a good doner are my two best accomplishments of late

the incremental depths of moderation have subtleties of their own my appreciation for which only grows as I approach better habits I hope

but doners, nope, thanks

living apart from my children is the lowest circle of hell

:(

nothing to say to that other than hang in there - they're clearly amazing, and that's equally clearly in no small part down to you (even if it can be hard to feel like that at times). none of that makes it less like the lowest circle of hell obviously, some of it probably makes it worse, but the fact that despite feeling like this a lot of the time you all manage to generate situations of such charm, imagination and humour together speaks a helluva a lot for your relationship. <bear hug>

^ the truth!

yep

thx Fizzles, that really helped me think a little straighter. fleeting visit = overwhelming emotional spasm

fizzles otm

Yeah seconding both paragraphs of F's post here

just feel shit at the moment tbh, panicky and sick about going back to work tomorrow after it went srsly sinister at the end of last term - hi secret enemy! hope you're still looking in! - feeling unlovely and blank and no idea how to get out of this rut, need to find something to do with myself beyond videogames and junkfood survival, feel more like a passive observer of the world around me than ever but not in a very observant way, locked-in and braincells going out all over Europe

idk where else to put this but feel like apologising for basically every post I've made in the last 24 hrs, I've been an especially shitty poster

I took some MDMA on Saturday which was a fycking stupid thing to do, and then tonight I got shitfaced

shitfaced happens

let's all make plans to form a utopian commune in independent Scotland

I'm gonna have to say goodbye. At least twice over the last couple of months some anonymous person who seems oddly familiar with ILX has tried to convince my employer that I shouldn't be allowed to express thoughts as a private individual online. My employer doesn't agree, and doesn't have much interest in anonymous emails, but I don't think I'll get any joy out of posting any more.

I tried to find a balance between being honest about what it feels like to be me, living in this world, at this time, and maintaining a level of professional discretion. Obviously I got that wrong.

Anyway, thanks for everything everybody. You've been there for me at some pretty bleak moments, as well as in all the general, mundane, people-connecting-with-other-people-to-wonder-what-the-fuck-the-point-is-then-laugh-about-it moments. It's been real.

Peace.

;_;

<3

also, wtf

I'll miss you. And fuck that person.

sucks the worst

Blue Tuesday

that's gross, sinister bullshit. love this thread. 77?

:-( be well man

wishing the worst for that lowest of petty shitheads obv

I'll miss you. And fuck that person.

― Orson Wellies (in orbit), Tuesday, September 16, 2014 10:40 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Dude!

(I'm certainly aware of how awful-making it feels to be targeted IRL by some anonymous fuckwit through the internet, and the sense of vulnerability it engenders.)

It sucks coz I will miss you, but I completely understand the retreat. Hope that things are OK for you...

ugh. so sorry, DC.

^^^^^

That's bizarre and horrible. We will all miss you.

Ugh, that makes me so angry. We'll miss you.

This is awful - ILX will be many magnitudes poorer without you.

shit. you are one of the most thoughtful posters here and i hope you have or find another outlet for talking about the kinds of things you've thought through here, for the sake of the people who get to hear it as much as for yourself.

Don't let the bastards anonymous shitheads on the internet grind you down.

never let the cunts win

you are being very harsh on yourself to say you have got anything wrong, any more than you are wrong to have a car because someone might steal it or wrong to go outside because someone might kill you, the vindictive will always be there to exploit anything

can understand why this would make you want to take a sabbatical but......you can always return strictly 4 the craic and the meta and like ogmor says, there are more vindictive shithead-proof areas for sensitive things if need be

nakh otm