why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

all the unfunny people, where do they all come from

http://www.reddit.com/r/shaneisms

2,288 subscribers

i got so irrationally angry at that today

it's like mad libs at this point

here let me try

Shane, please stop telling the customers there's brains in the oatmeal, it's a breakfast cereal not brains.

Shane please don't wear a freddie mask and sing "I can't drive 55" while sweeping up.

not irrational xp

i get irrationally angry at the thought of people seeing them and thinking they're real and not just dumb jokes some idiot keeps writing and taking pictures of

in the old days i would've thought it wasn't possible but years on facebook have destroyed my expectations

I would get IA at the thought of this becoming a thing at every WMT meat counter.

in the reddit there were people posting "even if this is fake" it's like come on the creator doesn't even expect you to run with that assumption

Shane, stop calling the customers L0u1s J@gg3r and telling them they're banned from the deli

Shane, stop http://www.wattpad.com/217498-333-ways-to-get-kicked-out-of-walmart and btw I need you to clock out before you work some overtime.

Shane, stop NO SERIOUSLY DEAR GOD STOP

http://i.imgur.com/W7K6DGs.png

Horrible:

bats are people too

https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/t1.0-9/10487316_774409499256247_7248756855959225902_n.jpg

ugggh, you WOMEN

Percisely

My math must be really bad.

http://i.imgur.com/YIEW8He.png

472k likes, 201k shares

ladiez, amirite?

hunky mcfelon's vacant stare doesn't really do it for me, but go on, tell me what my priorities are.

in the old days i would've thought it wasn't possible but years on facebook have destroyed my expectations

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Wednesday, June 25, 2014 9:57 PM (Yesterday)

FFS at this felon/marine thing

I mean come on, given how we tend to mix up external appearance with behaviour, surely a nasty person's being attractive is noteworthy and surprising, worth talking about, compared to the I suppose obviousness of a nice person being attractive

Way to go, ladies.

it's at least as dumb as "they talked about JustinBieber on the news today but not the bees"

Ahem, that was Justin Beiber they were complaining about, there.

it's a lot dumber actually, and more aligned with patriarchal violence.

frogbs: you think i'm fucked up, look at what my fb friends post

That gif is a step below "What happens to the Kardashians isnt news" posts

i am imagining kyle making that gif himself after a night of striking out at the local bar.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t1.0-9/1378745_253419341471884_475019723_n.jpg

"share"

My mother has posted that. u_u

Please hold my ...hand..

"share" if you love your Italian son

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM (originally by Phyllis McCormack; adapted by Dave Griffith)

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t1.0-9/155968_552818078078739_874418408_n.jpg
The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart!

"Please hold my .....'

1) hand
2) knee
3) views as sacrosanct

I'm sure I saw that poem on Snopes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crabbit_Old_Woman

too much time on ilx

http://37.media.tumblr.com/f4600bdcc5a3f56a29988be0b0adf108/tumblr_mr06zlzNsv1qc9u65o1_r1_500.jpg
http://37.media.tumblr.com/0da01a8315acc3298303e61d4cb74ac0/tumblr_mr06zlzNsv1qc9u65o2_r1_500.jpg

Donkey's feet look like cocks

not like mine

https://scontent-b-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/t1.0-9/556751_10150850563781314_618776032_n.jpg

that GIF gives me crepitating heartburn

https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t1.0-9/10447026_920240028002698_8571307942513520594_n.png

apparently the matrix is so old people have forgotten how this meme works

lots of pixels wasted on a non-humorous 'would you rather'

Take the left pill and you will experience non-drowsy cold relief. Take the right pill and you will be drowsy.

one of my old friends is doing one of those MLM schemes that involves wraps and all she does is splatter pics of before and after of people she 'wrapped' and it's taking every fiber of my being to not respond "WRAPS DON'T FUCKING WORK YOU NIT"

friend of mine posted that shitty marine vs convict thing today with the comment "life is so unfair" and I couldn't help myself

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/32863603/Screenshot%202014-06-28%2016.01.20%20%282%29.jpg

lol nice