Bait My Clickhole

clickhole's main joke seems to be that other things are vacant and unfunny. well sure, but it's not a very good joke.

― Pew Nornographers (contenderizer), Thursday, June 19, 2014 4:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

we are all vacant and unfunny and that's the only joke there ever was

even feedbuzz was better than this

― Maggie killed Quagmire (collest baby ever) (frogbs), Thursday, June 19, 2014 4:42 PM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark

Wow this is probably the most offensive thing you have ever posted

They've already been doing this for a little while with their slideshows on the onion. I'm not really ready (or cool enough) to write off clickhole after a few days. There have already been a couple of things that have made me laugh pretty hard.

i'm cool enough to write off clickhole, but i'm not, i'm laughing off of it

the best part of clickhole is the fact they have actual bullshit click-bait ads at the bottom that I keep thinking are satire

such a great part of it.

on their first day, I clicked on one thinking it'd be another satirical article, and it took several moments for me to realize I had gone to another site

i mean, i think a huge part of my enjoyment of clickhole is working in the media industry for 12 years and slowly watching the media outlets I love move from

http://www.villagevoice.com/2003-04-15/music/mr-and-mrs-used-to-be/

to

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/2013/04/hottest_dancing_coachella_gifs.php

Since the Onion itself has moved from making weekly satire to hourly clickbait, I'm guessing a lot of veterans of the staff are feeling the fatigue, and I imagine clickhole is coming from a very real place

the hate is palpable

that's a fair point actually. i shd probably revisit it in a week or so.

I can imagine some humor writers who've finessed their craft for a decade could probably get a little bent out of shape at the Buzzfeeds, Crackeds, Chives, &c getting monster traffic by gaming the system as opposed to actually making better material.

Its something that a lot of music writers have been going through for the last few years (paging @maura)

Whiney otm

the best part of clickhole is the fact they have actual bullshit click-bait ads at the bottom that I keep thinking are satire

― mh, Thursday, June 19, 2014 9:23 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

UK posters may be reminded of the terrible 'improve your memory' type ads in Viz (which I think they still run)

http://www.clickhole.com/article/7-classic-90s-toys-werent-fun-anymore-after-911-333

hi guys

so - youtube has pulled the calvin and hobbes vid

Probably sensible given the potential legal issues.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/7-classic-90s-toys-werent-fun-anymore-after-911-333

― Disagree. And im not into firey solos chief. (Phil D.), Friday, June 20, 2014 8:00 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this one is the best, dont really care about the rest of the site tho

Jesus Christ that village voice coachella thing is so dour

http://www.clickhole.com/article/woman-takes-one-photo-herself-every-day-week-337

Yeah the Voice in the last several years is like a debauched, strung-out junkie version of its former self.

the Voice is soon going to be a single guy in his underwear posting clickporn photo sets of sex events

― THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Thursday, May 9, 2013 12:44 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I like cracked in that they'll put at least a modicum of actual research into their bits.

Also their ed-in-chief has admitted to writing some Clickhole jokes. I wonder how many AV Club/Dissolve writers have done the same.

I can imagine some humor writers who've finessed their craft for a decade could probably get a little bent out of shape at the Buzzfeeds, Crackeds, Chives, &c getting monster traffic by gaming the system as opposed to actually making better material.

and the onion kind of depends on the existence of normal news to acclimatize people! what must young buzzfeed hedz even think about all those worrrrds

Area man ponders current state of online journalism.

tbh i sort of felt bad for cracked once buzzfeed and upworthy usurped facebook, they sucked but at least they put some time in

yeah i checked cracked just now and they've gone way more upworthy and less gonzo

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/how-many-these-noir-films-have-you-seen-331

(That image is from bela tarr's 'man from London', from the long 13 minute opening shot)

http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/bop-it-350

http://www.clickhole.com/article/9-things-only-people-who-went-sleepaway-camp-will--344

i mean, i think a huge part of my enjoyment of clickhole is working in the media industry for 12 years and slowly watching the media outlets I love move from

http://www.villagevoice.com/2003-04-15/music/mr-and-mrs-used-to-be/

to

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/2013/04/hottest_dancing_coachella_gifs.php

Since the Onion itself has moved from making weekly satire to hourly clickbait, I'm guessing a lot of veterans of the staff are feeling the fatigue, and I imagine clickhole is coming from a very real place

― macklemorange is the new wack (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, June 19, 2014 4:38 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

god, this resonates so much. i guess i didn't realize how much i missed even halfway decent journalism when i compared those two VV links. oy vey.

the Voice is soon going to be a single guy in his underwear posting clickporn photo sets of sex events

― THIS IS NOT A BENGHAZI T-SHIRT (Hurting 2), Thursday, May 9, 2013 12:44 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/culture/2014/06/sucked-into-the-clickhole.html?utm_source=tny&utm_campaign=generalsocial&utm_medium=twitter&mbid=social_twitter

actually kinda disappointed that it's jokey, i've found 'straight' coverage of the onion to be pretty interesting

I don't believe

actually kinda disappointed that it's jokey, i've found 'straight' coverage of the onion to be pretty interesting

― global tetrahedron, Monday, June 23, 2014 10:25 AM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah me too

Who is the ideal ClickHole reader?

J. A.: I think we see the ideal ClickHole reader as a hollow shell who exists purely to click on our content and then share that content with other hollow shells.

http://www.clickhole.com/article/every-way-us-can-advance-world-cup-359?utm_campaign=default&utm_medium=ShareTools&utm_source=facebook

the clearest breakdown yet

#6

Has anyone else noticed that buzzfeed started posting its own hamfisted clickbait parodies?

BobWyman3 hours ago
I went, I clicked a couple, I thought "Very funny". Not the site but that you tricked me. Trust has taken a hit. When trust is gone then we will probably break up. Bad enough that the Onion went from funny to opinionated just like the TV show M*A*S*H did (Die Alan Alda, die). I blame Baby-Boomers (stupid name). Acting all hip then becoming their parents. Now listen up: Children are not cute or adorable, especially yours. Your children now in their 20's or so are insipid morons. Totally clueless and smug. It is because you called your son "Sport" and made him smoke dope with you. Lame. How many episodes of "Friends" did I watch? Can "Sport" count to "zero"?
How bad is it? I will tell you. I saw some "true crime" show recently. The show needed a young female author to fill the viewers in on nuances we may have missed due to bad acting. She had written a book about the Manson Family (look out Bugliosi) and stated to the viewers, "The Manson Family were at the core of the hippie movement in the 1960's. What???? What???? What????

Wot

today a buzzfeed writer was fooled by a clickhole article on twitter XD

link???

https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty/status/481510630080647168

tried to play it off later ("im not unaware that the article was lighthearted guys") but i doubt you'd have that initial reaction without being fooled/confused

http://www.clickhole.com/article/stick-butter-left-out-room-temperature-you-wont-be-368

haha it's a 3 hour video

this is still the best take on the form imo
http://f.eed.bz/5-ways-to-respond-to-do-you-like-malcolm-in-the-middle/

https://clickhole.com/a-piece-of-history-the-bass-amp-that-gave-away-osama-bin-ladens-position-to-u-s-forces-while-he-was-teaching-himself-to-play-higher-ground-by-the-red-hot-chili-peppers-is/ for those not inclined to help Meta Inc. track clicks.

kidhole

Give Mommy’s Jewelry To Your School Friends!!! https://t.co/mT07LpntMM

— KidHole (@ClickHole) February 2, 2022

https://reductress.com/post/what-surprised-me-most-about-becoming-a-parent-was-that-i-was-forced-to-by-the-government/

https://clickhole.com/embracing-his-inner-child-this-man-is-having-more-fun-1825123770/

Didn't see this when it came out; unbelievably cursed

But the doll glimpsed in the photo is clearly inflatable, so why did it come in such a big box?

https://clickhole.com/theyre-gonna-collide-these-two-oafs-together-arent-they-these-two-uncles-just-excitedly-posted-on-facebook-that-they-got-a-new-job-at-cern-even-though-neither-of-them-are-scientists-or-anything/?fbclid=IwAR0p8Fy7K5p0JjVbPlUBn9UBKckRCmy06mhaTzGnTGWQOQSC__aF_HXq1nA

https://clickhole.com/holding-themselves-accountable-npr-has-apologized-for-the-steve-bannon-tiny-desk-concert-where-he-played-cherry-pie-with-alex-g-and-waxahatchee/?fbclid=IwAR0M5S262cdLMdTwcx62bTZroyGo4dPIsYB6Jq-EtBwN26w-2A0nzqvQe1Q

fbclid=IwAR0M5S262cdLMdTwcx62bTZroyGo4dPIsYB6Jq-EtBwN26w-2A0nzqvQe1Q

I've tried convincing myself that the ?fbclid=IwAR0p8Fy7K5p0JjVbPlUBn9UBKckRCmy06mhaTzGnTGWQOQSC__aF_HXq1nA's are part of the Clickhole joke.

definitely seems like a subtle sign of decline in quality. Reading the headlines in url form used to be part of the fun

sorry if that was a joke itself, but just in case: FB adds those to outbound links, Clickhole has no control over it

Now I'm wondering if rob is part of the joke.

https://clickhole.com/nothingdiffernt-bewtween-being-alive-and-bring-dead-by-queen-elizabeth-ii/

Lates quan blonk very goos

https://clickhole.com/your-churchs-christmas-pageant-has-a-scene-where-jesus-shaves-his-legs-17-signs-your-priest-is-being-sponsored-by-gillette/

Richard D. Zanuck: You can’t make a shark movie without a shark, and we were running into a lot of dead ends because when word got out that we were making a movie that was going to make sharks look like dicks, no one wanted to lend us their sharks.

pic.twitter.com/qHaY4dtTon

— ClickHole (@ClickHole) February 21, 2023

I didn't laugh, but I agreed the fuck out of it

https://clickhole.com/nostalgia-overload-todays-throwback-google-doodle-shows-a-guy-in-2013-getting-usable-results-from-his-google-search/

Most of the older links upthread seem to be broken. Probably can find the articles searching but I liked having this thread as an archive.

Recent posts are looking a little grim for the site’s future.

oh wow

It hasn’t been funny in a long time

the kinds of sites it's satirizing have largely gone bankrupt. sad!

well this one made me laugh a lot

https://clickhole.com/beautiful-hall-and-oates-have-reconciled-after-thinking-up-a-song-called-ace-and-a-half-where-a-sexy-lady-plays-cards/

it's been consistently funny despite its targets vanishing imo

https://clickhole.com/9-freddy-krueger-quotes-you-should-never-repeat-to-a-pregnant-woman/

Questions of ongoing relevance or humo aside, just in case anyone isn't taking a peek at their homepage, i think JoeStork was initially referring to these being the top 4 headlines at the time:

The Tragedy Of The American Economy: It Is Now Almost Impossible To Support A Family Of Five On An Online Satirist’s Salary

Job-Hogger: While The Majority Of Her Coworkers Got Laid Off, This Digital Media Employee Is Currently Taking On 4 Jobs’ Worth Of Work

LOL, Good Luck With That: This Writer Believes The $2.5 Trillion Dollar Media And Entertainment Industry Can Somehow Find The Money To Pay Her A Lower-Middle-Class Wage

Inheriting A Trainwreck: The Few Remaining Employees Of This Gutted Digital Media Outlet Are Holding A Seance To Contact A Recently Deceased Coworker Who Has Sole Admin Privileges For Their Company’s Facebook Page

also that same day:

Just Because A Job Is Useless Doesn’t Mean It’s Okay When It Abruptly Ends

https://clickhole.com/halloweem-inst-just-abount-being-spokky-it-also-amount-being-string-by-queen-elizabeth-ii/

But This Halloweef, whether you;re’re dressed Up as Vampirer, Drancula , Wereloft, Franklesteins, Mumming , Another Drancula, Jack-o-Lamtroft, Scorffs, Sexy Unabomper, Creatured, Baseball, Drains, Lockness Mobster, Ghrost, Paul Bunyan , Jasom, Friendly from Nutmare on BelmStreet, Hellraisin (Ponhead), No mask or costube just Bad Attitube, Klinkon from Star Trenk , Star War man , , , ,, ,,wife , a Alien or two , Oatmeal Face , Largest Head Anyone ever seen , A Trampoline Accident Child, Mrs. Bunterworth , m,, Chris Angel Mindfrank , Penn andteller, Cursed Wallet, Chris Angel , Mindfreak , TV’s Timothey Chalmeteo , Gross Ball , Five Year old who Already has pubic chair, video game man (Marion, Luigio, Ms. Pac Map)_ , Sexy Beavil and Buttthole, South POark, Foot Message, , , , Festivities mm , Sexy your own mom , , m mmmm Bbbeetlejucie, m you gotta remember to not just Be spokky, but also be string.

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ccrabc6xdnjx4l7btvynnng4/bafkreigdkjqtdbk5hedoasym5guw2gdyfsowqh3k3lfj34rhbmjx727j5e@jpeg

charli xcx otm