Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

xp: aw.

yeah sorry HL, off the market for now ;)

http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/online-dating/the-confessions-of-a-rich-assholes-former-online-dating-surrogate

I decided to boost my profile by answering a couple more questions. Am I imagining it, or have they purged a bunch of questions and written a load more, much more boring new ones? Also, why does my personality suddenly include 'more indie'?!?

haha!

they calls 'em like they see 'em

They saw 'em differently until a few days ago. My previous answers must have been upgraded in their indieness. I feel I would fail more rigorous indie tests, so I'm intrigued.

Maybe lots of people changed their answers so now you are more indie by comparison.

just let go of your self-hate, ljub

Also, why does my personality suddenly include 'more indie'?!?

have you by any chance matriculated recently

I'm long matriculated, me

I'm going to make this googleproofy so bear with me: a man wrote a response article to the recent MRA-motivated shootings saying that there's still a {killer's name} hiding inside of him, and I have been on OKC dates with that man. If you find it, pls do not link? But that is...well, it gives me pause.

god damn. ok, will not do.

(will not look for either, for that matter)

And I will say that the reason I didn't go on MORE dates w him actually was not a lack of appeal--we conversed really well, joked well, even tho I wasn't sure about potential for sexual attraction. It was that he overshared personal struggles that I didn't ask about, making me feel I was being expected to pity him or be his unpaid therapist, and pushed me to pay more attention to him when I tried to put space between us to re-establish appropriate boundaries.

Hey, it feels good to make the right decisions for my health and survival!

that's good, but.. at the same time it's probably not best to believe that many, many men don't have these thoughts

And all of those men can go kick rocks.

So I just met someone and have no idea how it went. I mean, I had a good time and would like to see her again, but I'm kind of afraid she was unimpressed. At the same time I'm also not sure if I'm just being paranoid, which just exacerbates the confusion. While I had a nice time myself, it lasted only 70 minutes before she left for a job interview, so now I'm being paranoid that she left earlier because she was bored or I was boring or otherwise not cutting the mustard or whatever. And so I'm getting hung up on the fact that she said "it was nice to meet you" instead of "we should do this again", and I can't remember what she said when I sheepishly said "well, see you later, maybe."

I guess all I can do is send her another message next week and hope for the best, but aghh, these vicious paranoid confusion cycles are the worst and remind me why my brain can't have nice things, dating-wise.

If she was meeting you just before a job interview, her head was probably someplace else half the time you were together. However, tying things up with "it was nice to meet you" is about as close-ended a farewell as you can give or receive. Don't be surprised if you never hear from her again, but if you do...awesome.

all you can really do is what you're already doing: contact her in a few days to see her again and hope for the best.

Unfortunately IME (and in my own usage) "it was nice to meet you" is code for "we're done here", but if I'm interested in the other person, I still always end up reaching out again just in case. With the impending interview, she might not have been in the space to think about future plans atm. Though god, if I had a job interview, the last thing I would want to do is go on a first date beforehand

did she mention the interview before your date?

if not then she probably didn't have a job interview

"i'm sorry, i have a job interview" would be a pretty weird lie

idk, it's a fairly unquestionable & serious reason to scram

would be fairly preposterous to organise a date only a couple of hours before a job interview, and doubly so to not inform one's dining-partner beforehand

but I suppose I've been rejecting ILX's unanimously cynical advice myself over the last few months, so ed.b is entitled to do the same

difference is, his lady has split ;)

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2014-07-02/tinders-forgotten-woman-whitney-wolfe-sexism-and-startup-creation-myths

i dunno if it's so preposterous, handy to have a natural way to keep the first date within a limited timeframe and decide where things go from there.

it still sounds strange to me. it seems you wouldn't be in the right headspace to go on a date right before an interview, no matter how relaxed, chill, cool, and sexy you are.

it's hard to guess these things without actually knowing a bit more about the person.

Yeah if she only mentioned the job interview during the date she was prob making it up. Everyone has their "outs" for a first/blind date! "friend X if I txt you pls call me and make up an emergency so I can leave". That sort of thing.
Guy I know had a woman bail mid date citing feeling horribly ill. He saw her that evening on her FB at a karaoke night, tagged in pics.

'i have to appear in court later!'

I would rather a white lie of this nature than the time a guy dropped me off, mid-date, at home and said, "I want to go watch basketball at my friend's house," which was just too frank.

"gotta go, jail curfew's at 11"

xp aw man thats so rude!

I'm gonna start scheduling all my dates on evenings with full moons so that, by the night falls I can look up aghast and yell "I must go!" before running out.

And yeah, in hindsight I was 100% shut down. I was just feeling shitty that it happened so quickly, and seemingly without awkwardness or unpleasantness beforehand. But you can never read someone's mind, so gotta take it as it comes.

Yeah it does suck :(

sorry dude

OK, I'm jumping in the OK Cupid waters. I'm 35, and failing at life, so maybe this will give me a boost, lol.

Good luck! Also don't worry about it, I'm 38 and I've been internet dating since the nerve.com days--2001?

As a general rule, and forgive me for not reading this astonishingly large thread, should I invest some money into this site? For anyone that has paid, do you believe, based on your personal first-hand experience, that it was worth it? I'm not cheap, I'm just trying not to get suckered into something that most people feel isn't worth it.

Thanks In Orbit! :) You too!

I probably should spend some time reading this thread. Today I just made my first selfie, lol. Is that OK to use as a profile picture? otherwise I'm screwed, being as I'm the least documented person I know.

I'm actually off okc now bc I'm dating someone I met on there! Uh like 3 months now, I guess? So while there's still plenty of time for it all to end badly, at the moment I feel like I can offer some hope.

Today I just made my first selfie, lol. Is that OK to use as a profile picture?

There are many people who will scream "NO!" to this and think your profile should be full of pictures of you that your friends took, pictures of you and your buds getting drunk, pictures of you camping, pictures of you petting a tiger, whatever. These people are best avoided anyway, so slap that selfie up there.

Haha, will do, thanks GOTT. There are those kinds of photos of me out there, but they belong to friends. I just never take pictures.

That gives me hope, In Orbit!

xp lol otm

The phone selfie is better than the obvious "Staring into my laptop cam at 2am" selfie though. Also try to avoid the thing where you clearly put on a bunch of different outfits on the same day and took pics in front of your mirror. I mean it might work for someone but in general if you think changing your clothes is going to make it look like you didn't take them all at the same time on Tuesday night, you are not correct.

The phone selfie is better than the obvious "Staring into my laptop cam at 2am" selfie though.

exception that proves the rule: people who are so good looking that they can afford to post ostentatiously unflattering shots.

Good luck! Also don't worry about it, I'm 38 and I've been internet dating since the nerve.com days--2001?

srsly, the other day i saw some people who've been on there in my area since 2001 and i was like, at least I AIN'T LIKE DEM I'M VERY DIFFT

Definitely a cellphone selfie. And the fourth or fifth attempt at that as well :) I only did the one photo, though. Will work on others later.