Starbucks: The Empire Strikes Back

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not you, hstencil, to fozzy bear up there.

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 18:54 (nineteen years ago)

I've also said this 17,000,0000 thousand times before, but I'm gonna say it again: their plain coffee tastes like a mildewed horse's dead ass (to keep that metaphor going throughout the thread) BECAUSE it is basically made to be done up as like 2 drops coffee for every full cup of sugary milk. I mean, that is why they sell drinks like ultra orange mocha cinnabon frappucino, to get secret fatteys and people with high metabolisms all crazed and addicted to drinks because, like, drinks like tea and coffee are low calorie right? In order to be paired with that kinda nonsense, you gotta have some wretched fuckin' coffee that will just sit down and take that kind of a beating. You don't wanna drink that without the whipped cream and root beer and sprinkles dumped onto it. Why would you do that?

They have other things to drink as plain, honest-to-god manly coffee besides their house blend and their espresso that are supposedly much better but I can't be bothered.

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 18:56 (nineteen years ago)

fozzy bear is actually funny, to me anyways.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 18:57 (nineteen years ago)

I'll go sometimes but I end up putting like a hummingbird feeder full of sugar into my lattes, I can't even imagine trying to drink their house blend or espresso straight.

xpost ZINGITTY ZING ZANG

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 18:58 (nineteen years ago)

Believe it or not, I heard Bill Maher say it best, that what Starbucks sells is milkshakes.

I've tried all their coffees, because they are (relatively) closest to my house when I want coffee on the weekend and not make it. I've also gone to indie coffee shops and they all suck for various reasons. Still have yet to find a great cup of coffee here. Maybe it's a big city thing, b/c in collegetowns you can always find a good cup of coffee.

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:02 (nineteen years ago)

next thing you'll tell me is McDonald's hamburgers are gross

― Dr. Alicia D. Titsovich (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:07 (nineteen years ago)

ha! Good one.

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:08 (nineteen years ago)

Nah, I'm not saying Starbuck's is gross, I mean if you go in there looking for something that ISN'T just a plain cup of coffee it really isn't that bad. Sometimes what you want is a giant gingerbread flavored hot beverage with some caffiene in it, and I don't see anything wrong with that. I think it's kind of weird to go into a place like that and order a regular cup of coffee, I don't understand why someone would do that (unless out of desperation, as Mr. Que states above).

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:09 (nineteen years ago)

Oh whoops, I guess Caribou is pretty okay I should add.

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

i LIKE the taste of regular starbuck's coffee -- i guess that i like the taste of a mildewed dead horse's ass then!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:16 (nineteen years ago)

a mildewed horse's dead ass = the horse is alive, and covered in mildew, but its hindquarters are dead (and also covered with mildew, or not so much?)? Or the mildew-covered horse has a dead donkey?

ALLY I AM ZINGING YOU ON WEIRD MODIFIER ORDER

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

Not specifically Starbucks-related but in the 'the hell?' category:

"After more than 20 years of espressos, whatever coffee-making skills I'd once had were long gone, vanished from my memory like the lyrics to a George Michael song."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

http://people.umass.edu/wgrigg/Dead%20Horse.jpg

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

oops. sorry so big. I ruined this for everyone!

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

"heeeeeeeey wilbuuuuuuuuuuur, you waaaaaant a cuppa jooooooooe?"

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:19 (nineteen years ago)

a mildewed horse's dead ass = the horse is alive, and covered in mildew, but its hindquarters are dead (and also covered with mildew, or not so much?)? Or the mildew-covered horse has a dead donkey?

yes, yes, yes (ever heard of parapelegics?? Don't make fun, nabisco), not covered in mildew.

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:19 (nineteen years ago)

Also, uh, point of order: I meant Caribou Coffee, which is a chain, not a caribou's mildewed ass. I would never drink something like that!

― mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

The range of experience here on these boards is alarmingly broad.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:21 (nineteen years ago)

reposting an earlier post:

My god I'd so go to a Starbucks that had Hanle y behind the counter causing trouble.
-- Nick (nickdastoo...), September 7th, 2001.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

I'd like to see the guy in the article Ned linked to order a cup of coffee from Hanle y.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

i LIKE the taste of regular starbuck's coffee -- i guess that i like the taste of a mildewed dead horse's ass then!

Agreed. It's certainly better than Deli coffee and for a quick cup of coffee in NYC those are often your only two options.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

That is the most insane thing I've ever heard in my life. What part of NYC are you living in?

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

i've NEVER liked the taste of deli coffee -- in NYC or elsewhere. if it doesn't have a nasty-ass taste, then it tastes like weak dirty dishwater.

back in the pre-starbucks day, i liked dunkin donuts and wawa cafe. NYC dunkin donuts coffee is OK, and they don't have wawas in NYC. :-(

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

I was actually referring to the "Starbucks is the only option" thing, I mean for christ's sake there are carts that sell coffee on every block in midtown and the upper west/east sides and the financial district, and cafes aren't exactly difficult to find if you have...well honestly at least as much time as it would take to go into the Starbucks on 66th & Columbus that is always full of ALL OF MANHATTAN AT ONCE for some reason, for example.

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

you LIKE the coffee from those carts?!? "would you like some DIRTY WATER COFFEE to wash down your DIRTY WATER DOGS?"

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00004XOWM.03.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

maybe you need to actually try more than one of them?

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

I mean, don't take my word for it, I'm sure people who live in Jersey totally are 100% familiar with all of the coffee carts and delis in Manhattan.

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

That is the most insane thing I've ever heard in my life. What part of NYC are you living in?

Astoria.

"Only" was an exageration, but unless you're downtown if you want a cup of coffee without having to walk for 20 minutes those are pretty much your only choices. I need instant gratification when it comes to coffee, though, so maybe this is just a case of me being really lazy.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

In my experience those coffee carts are comparable to deli coffee, but I'm not gonna pretend I'm an expert or anything. I'm also excluding diners/sit-down places.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:10 (nineteen years ago)

I've always liked Dunkin coffee, and they just put a Dunkin in near my office: Eisbar, are you saying NYC Dunkin coffee is somehow different from the rest of the country's? Cause I can't imagine it'd be anything apart from the national-standard bean, roast, and brewing process.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:14 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, I'll always take Dunkin over Starbucks.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:17 (nineteen years ago)

no, not different really -- more that when i've had dunkin donuts coffee in NYC it seems like i've gotten the nasty, been-sitting-there-for-hours-and-it's-strong-enough-to-take-paint-offa-walls. which isn't unique to NYC at all, of course. i think that i've been more unlucky wr2 which dunkins in NYC where i've had coffee (mostly the one at penn station).

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:20 (nineteen years ago)

diners do coffee to go, too.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:24 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, gotcha. Yeah, I'd actually say that Dunkins in Manhattan aren't all that nice: I don't know if it's economics or zoning, but they don't get spots like Starbucks does, and people don't seem to go to them for coffee in anything like the same way, so you tend to get the kinda dirty low-rent franchise instead of the sparkling-awesome one. Which means, yeah, staler donuts, harder coffee, etc. There was a Dunkin in my neighborhood for approximately four months, and I was really excited as they were putting it in -- it looked all spectacular with a giant foam coffee cup floating over the awning -- and then it turned out to be a dim, sleepy, unclean side-street kinda place.

Haha, on a related note: Blimpie! I don't think I've ever actually eaten anything from a Blimpie, but they have the crappest spots I've ever seen -- they invariably look so old and horrible and low-rent, and half the time there's a nice clean Subway two doors down.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:26 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah and they charge you like $1.30 for it.

xpost

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:26 (nineteen years ago)

nabsico I think there's a mandated wattage in the bulbs at Blimpie's. It can't be above like 20W.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

(Ha, I'm pleased with the Dunkin answer cause I felt like I was being set up for some kind of comedy -- "Indian franchise owners make the coffee like this, but Pakistani franchise owners, they be all making the coffee like this.")

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:28 (nineteen years ago)

Haha, on a related note: Blimpie! I don't think I've ever actually eaten anything from a Blimpie, but they have the crappest spots I've ever seen -- they invariably look so old and horrible and low-rent, and half the time there's a nice clean Subway two doors down.

The Blimpie right off of Union Sq. is one of the most depressing places in the city.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:29 (nineteen years ago)

Actually I got a hamburger from a Blimpie once, in Queens, but I didn't eat it -- they gave me these weird gray lengthwise patties on a long sub bun! With just mayonnaise! I think I just gave it back to the guy and left.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:35 (nineteen years ago)

I'd take a Blimpie franchise on every corner, though, if it prevents D'Angelo's away from the city.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 20:43 (nineteen years ago)

Dunkin' Donuts makes better espresso drinks than Starbucks for around 2/3 of the price. I'll take Starbucks regular coffee over DD though. Both are places I generally reserve for times when there's no other good option, like on interstates or in about half of Manhattan.

Some delis have good coffee - I think you can usually tell by taking a quick peak behind the counter - do you see a grinder? Does their equipment look clean and well-maintained? Can you spot any bags, cans or other evidence of coffee brands you like or don't like?

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 21:00 (nineteen years ago)

delis and random holes-in-the-wall in San Francisco all have amazing coffee. it's unbelievable. I've never lived on the west coast--is it like that everywhere there?

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

A lot of people claim the West Coast has more of a general "coffee culture" than the Northeast. I think when that's the case, the general standards are raised and every deli that wants to compete has to have decent coffee.

― A-ron Hubbard (Hurting), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 21:30 (nineteen years ago)

delis and random holes-in-the-wall in San Francisco all have amazing coffee. it's unbelievable. I've never lived on the west coast--is it like that everywhere there?

Yes. SF is pretty consistent everywhere, but quality goes up as you go NW. One of the best cups of coffee I've ever had came from a broken down gas station in the Eastern WA wastelands.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:27 (nineteen years ago)

one of the two times i was in san francisco i met a girl on the bus named "moon" or something (seriously) and she asked me if i wanted to get brunch, and she was totally gorgeous so i said yes. maybe this was all a dream. it unfolded like one. before we had brunch at squat and gobble we had to go to a DIFFERENT place to get our coffee, which she paid for in pennies. that's how much she cared about getting the right coffee. about halfway through brunch she said she had to go somewhere and she left me there.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:36 (nineteen years ago)

< / richard linklater >

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha yeah.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 25 October 2006 22:40 (nineteen years ago)

nine months pass...

Stanley Fish is confused by Starbucks.

― jaymc, Thursday, 23 August 2007 16:18 (eighteen years ago)

Stanley Fish is my university's "professor at large"!

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn, Thursday, 23 August 2007 16:20 (eighteen years ago)

Skipping 86 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

So much of the closing or removal of spaces comes just down to labor; that the company completely refuses to adequately staff and train those locations for that time, isn’t it?

I mean, yes, both are connected to larger problems that city officials tend to refuse to deal with other than sending in cops, true.

― Glower, Disruption & Pies (kingfish), Tuesday, 11 April 2023 19:24 (three years ago)

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