body positivity!!

Pregnancy is throwing me for a body positivity loop, i need to admit. I thought I'd gotten over some body and food issues several years ago - haha, coincidentally when I lost those "last 10 grad school pounds", primarily due to being too busy and stressed with work to eat and too borderline-poor to eat at restaurants or buy chips or whatever. And so, I'd gotten my eating habits down to a subconscious science, and when I felt my jeans getting tight, I'd cut out certain foods (mostly sugary/sweet things) and eat more vegetables and protein. And I still thought myself not actually thin, even when verifiably quite thin, especially in the past year. BUT NOW, suddenly there is nothing to be done, and there shouldn't be, I know, and yet there's still that quiet, insidious voice in my head telling me to moderate my caloric intake. This shit is both personally and broadly culturally embedded and it pisses me off that it can invade even a pregnant woman's thoughts - especially when coupled with kind of backhanded talk about how pregnant women can eat whatever they want and isn't that wonderful blah blah blah. I'm not exactly eating ice cream and cookies all the time by any means, just the regular food I always eat, just more of it, yet I'm overly *aware* in this quantitative way of what I'm consuming. And whether I look pregnant or "fat" to other people. I don't really even care about what other people think of me for the most part, and yet, this! WEIRD/CRAPPY/POSSIBLE TO OVERCOME ASAP? Because, eesh. And I even hesitate to post this because it sounds like not-actually-a-problem.

xpost Whoa! I've been thinking about you and hoping all is going well and you're feeling good (no pain and healing fast), jbr!

all your reasons for the surgery sound like rational and healthy ones to me, fwiw. some people will be superficial about the results, and some will understand the long-term purpose of your choice.

i'm sort of going through this part now, where it seems like every time i run into someone who i haven't seen in a while, my body and how it looks and what's been happening with it are the main topics of conversation. it's to be expected, i guess. funny how these never comes up after significant weight gain as it does after weight loss.

get bent, my guess is that people say such things, well they likely care about you & are doing what they can to show approval & support & encouragement even if they express it oddly. i've definitely felt the retroactive insult of "you look good ... now" and it's unpleasant but ultimately what most people think about my body past or present is none of my business, not really.

i have much gratitude for encouragement & votes of confidence but i didnt make these decisions in order to look better for other ppl. thanks but who cares?

I think I just lost my in-process post or something but it was pretty much the same as rrrobyn's second, get bent! it sounds like you are very positive about yourself in that you want health. in my experience feeling bad about your body and being negative means avoiding questions of health and longevity and you want to take care of yourself!

patron sailor even bolder with recent body changes and the confidence is a good look IMO

I was somewhat confused because I had a doctor appointment and dentist appointment in the last two months and both asked if I'd lost weight? It was confusing. I somewhat doubt that doctor would know from looking at me, as I have out off finding a good personal physician and just go on very occasional intervals when they won't renew a prescription. It had been over a year and a half since I saw this guy! I chalked it up to age narrowing my face.

But I got the same q at the dentist. It's probably a polite thing people say, but I have kind of changed the composition of my body. And it feels good? I'm willing to take and accept it as a positive.

put off, jeez, this iPad typing is killing my typing positivity

I have a super rare and weird bone dysplasia that makes me look pretty cro-mag; it's given me a sense of otherness that was reaffirmed throughout my childhood (mom w/ the purest of intentions wanting me to grow my bangs a little longer so it would cover my brow-bone, curious children earnestly asking me why I looked like an alien, etc).

For a while I thought that this otherness equated to ugliness. Over time this alleviated, and I started cautiously and trepidatiously approaching my body as, idk, not attractive, per se, but as not-ugly: embracing my uniqueness as more of a curious neutral instead of a definite negative. I have come really really REALLY far in accepting (and at times even loving?) my body through like not giving a fuck if a nose piercing drew attention to my weird face, taking off my shirt at pools and beaches, etc.

It's been great but as a gay man I am constantly reminded that I am not nor will ever be The Hot One. I will go to bars with friends and watch them get hit on and have people buy them drinks while I am just sort of not paid much attention to, and I have learned v recently (and I think posted upthread abt) this sort of cheat-code pro-tip of not longing to be The Hot One, but actually entirely recalibrating my wants and priorities and being totally okay with the fact that I am not the universal Hot One and that there are are still tons of ppl who dig my look and that there are so many great and wonderful things that I do have, and so many unique advantages that my body affords me separate from the spectrum of attractiveness and where I do/do not fall on it, BUT it still gets me down sometimes bcz, y'know, everyone wants to be beautiful.

But I always still kept my hair not-super-short because of a deathly fear of the weird bumps and ridges and deformities that may lurk underneath of it. Short hair is something that I thought of as "off-limits" or something that I was completely ineligible for. So I decided to say "fuck you, dumb body issues" and shaved my head yesterday and it was SO SCARY but holy smokes you guys it does not look all that bad? Like I am not some weird cubist alien (or at least not any more than I was before with hair) and confirming this and being able to be like "oh this is what yr skull looks like" is like such a fucking thrill! I have nothing to hide behind now and I feel really, really great about myself.

tl;dr: bodies r kool, even especially yours

fuck yeah, Stevie D!

cosine over here

Hell yes, SD <3

that takes guts and personal fortitude, both of which are way more appealing than simply being born hot

<3 Stevie.

wdyll

great post, u the best

<3 u SD!

stevie, you are awesome and beautiful.

otm

this is me showin off my weird head (that does not look as weird as it does IRL bcz of the angle, but looks less weird than I thought it would) and also my egaraG esidaraP shirt

https://scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t1.0-9/10462514_10103964935878599_6879285544302603236_n.jpg

there is this really tiny really strange really unfamiliar voice that is kind of like "(oh damn dude you kind of look good)" which feels so gross to say but also kind of cool to say too

listen to that tiny gross voice

the tiny voice speaks truth because you look fantastic

i LOVE the close crop, it is hott for reals

Louder and with feeling OH DAMN DUDE YOU LOOK GOOOOOOOD

YOU

BETTA

WERK

love it

looootta people telling me my shirt was too small yesterday

o_O

in an "intimating i am a fat fuck" way, not as style advice

hello, good people. i hope every body is having a good day!

you should take a little time to do something nice for your body today. take a walk outside. or do some stretches. or try something more vigorous, if you're up to it! or maybe just a bath would be nice.

i went to my bikram yoga class this morning and i was able to do most of the postures pretty well. once in a while i think of the progress i've made since last november and it makes me feel proud of what my body can do.

i just took a walk of my lunch break and it was a nice opportunity to listen to some music and get some sun on my face.

this evening i am going roller skating (!!) which i have not tried in years. i'm excited. it's an active day. hopefully i will be very tired by the time I get home.

also hello this is my new naive-sounding posting style where i am grateful and positive and all that good junk! have a great day!!

y'are a treasure elmz <3

i did stretches, danced, and did my weights today
it was fun and very satisfying even if talking about exercise makes me feel pretty embarrassed

doing not-nice things to my body is actually not that fun and i don't really ~relish~ self-destruction (anymore)
cheers to progress!

roller skating is like flying while dancing
the funnest!!!!!

i hope i don't fall down! but it's definitely okay if that happens

entering my seventh week of running three times a week no matter what, and it's making me feel pretty good! my heart is strong again.

and roller skating is a blast! the plastic parts of my old skates finally crumbled into bits so now I am going to buy a fancy new pair.

i want so badly to do nice things to my body but i have to sit for 9 hours a day. i need more time off.

I recently added a little timer app to my work computer to remind me to get up and walk around every 45 minutes. Just a lap around the building is enough to make you feel much better.

that sucks crut. even if you make sure to take breaks, like to stand up and stretch once in a while, and drink plenty of water, you're still doing something for your body! even if you just adjust your chair to improve your work posture. even that!

you should take a little time to do something nice for your body today. take a walk outside. or do some stretches. or try something more vigorous, if you're up to it! or maybe just a bath would be nice.

― patron sailor, Wednesday, August 20, 2014 11:06 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

gr8 post, wb!

otm

I've been feeling more bod pos these days. I've taken up jogging as a semiregular thing this year. A little bit of a disappointment because I had jokingly titled my new years resolution as "Swim Body by September" and it became clear around June that that just want going to happen. Weight and trouser size have stayed pretty much the same.

But I've been feeling more body positive anyway. It started one day when I had my arms spread out in front v of v the mirror at the gym (little workplace gym, kinda a glum little closet with a treadmill and some weights) and I kinda realized for the first time how goddamned big I am. All of my mirrors at home are very small, so I haven't actually checked myself out in a while. And I felt like a fuckin condor in that moment and have decided to try to own this giant body. To try to carry myself bigger instead of being all meek and shy because I'm in the way. To wear clothes that are my size instead of squeezing into the things I wish I could fit into. Stuff like that.

Anyway, feeling decent these days.

On the topic of patrons pay though, I wish I could fit comfortably into my tub to enjoy a bath. It's like I have the smallest possible tub in the world. I used to take baths every day. Great way to relax.

Patrons post

f. hazel, which app do you use?

There's a free one for OS X called Apimac Timer that does everything I need it to, i.e. a stopwatch function that dings every 45 minutes using a sound file I can choose!

Nice, thanks! This is an excellent idea. Now I just need to find some exercises I can do in my normal clothes, in 5 mins, against a wall.

i hadn't seen stevie's last revive, v nice post and v strong look. i find it hard not to judge myself by comparison to some generic version of 'handsome', but telling myself how blatantly ridiculous it is goes some way towards it - those generic ideas have no impact on how i view other people so it's clearly really dumb to apply them to myself.

not dumb just interesting

Roller skating was fun and today my hips were sore.

The best. Yesterday two ppl asked me if I had lost weight and I was like no, I've been lifting lotsa weights though and then one person called me a lean machine :D

Much better than "I hate you"

How have you approached weights, LL? I need to hear about sane ways of getting started, and I bet you were very sane about it. I keep saying I want to do weights but I'm rebelling against a 'program' of some kind. I just wanna start really, really small, just 20 mins 3 times a week or something like that, plus 5 mins of, I dunno, squats or something at work in an empty room.