we love to hate thos e fuckers
― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Monday, 19 May 2014 14:00 (ten years ago) link
Tom DeLay: ‘Americans Forget the Constitution Was Written by God’
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Wednesday, 21 May 2014 00:55 (ten years ago) link
In case you're curious, Brad and Matt drink Hopitoulas IPA. Not great, not bad.
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Wednesday, 21 May 2014 00:58 (ten years ago) link
Time magazine is really aiming for the Onion demographic.
Drunk Fish Totally Impress Sober Fish, Study Finds
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Wednesday, 21 May 2014 17:49 (ten years ago) link
thread has really gotten back on track in a big way
― ςὖτ ιτ Οὖτ (some dude), Wednesday, 21 May 2014 17:55 (ten years ago) link
Scientists accidentally create a Johnny Cash fan.
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 27 May 2014 20:22 (ten years ago) link
http://www.businessinsider.com/huge-social-media-manager-does-all-day-2014-5
― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Tuesday, 27 May 2014 21:08 (ten years ago) link
ha, right down to the picture
― goole, Tuesday, 27 May 2014 21:12 (ten years ago) link
Thus far, the post has yet to be retweeted, but it has generated two favorites.
― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Tuesday, 27 May 2014 22:05 (ten years ago) link
Pennsylvania Girl Elbowed Boy In Testicles For Laughing After She Farted During Sex On School Bus: State Police
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Thursday, 29 May 2014 16:57 (ten years ago) link
and that first sentence, too!
― Dan I., Thursday, 29 May 2014 17:14 (ten years ago) link
It wasn't even... a fart...
― Nhex, Thursday, 29 May 2014 19:40 (ten years ago) link
so did all of those things happen in sequence, on the school bus, or
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 29 May 2014 19:40 (ten years ago) link
International Business Times
― een, Thursday, 29 May 2014 20:55 (ten years ago) link
Slightly guilty lols for posting this one, but http://bobbraunsledger.com/guest-top-newark-student-says-time-to-speak-is-now/
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Saturday, 31 May 2014 14:30 (ten years ago) link
http://bobbraunsledger.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/BLOGJORDANTHOMAS-231x300.jpg GUEST: Top Newark student says time to speak is now
Today’s guest blog was written by Jordan Thomas, a senior at Newark’s University High School where he is valedictorian and earned a 4.5 GPA. He was admitted to Princeton, Harvard, Yale, and Rutgers and will attend Princeton in the fall. He plans to go to law school and become a Constitutional lawyer. He was the student member of the Newark School Advisory Board for this school year. He delivered these remarks at Tuesday night’s board meeting.
“Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”
This passage, derived from our nation’s founding text, the Declaration of Independence, details an individual’s natural propensity to tolerate, or, in some cases, suffer, rather than to excite disruption, engage in public denunciation, or demand absolute reformation in times of hardship and deficient leadership. Candidly, I admit that I have been one so guilty of remaining reserved and civil in both action and speech through the duration of the struggle that has occurred in the Newark Public Schools system these months past, blinded by a false sense of hope, a chimerical sense of promise, and a foolish belief that my words and admonitions would be heeded if conducted in a manner that coupled professionalism with discretion.
Unfortunately, an unspeakable decision that has been unveiled last week has revealed that approach to be ineffective, and, as stated by our founding fathers, there comes a time in which one must no longer hold his tongue or contain his extreme dissatisfaction.
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Saturday, 31 May 2014 14:32 (ten years ago) link
wow, the Smoking Gun headline on that one story is "Bus Sex Teen Busted After Queef Beef"
― ςὖτ ιτ Οὖτ (some dude), Saturday, 31 May 2014 14:52 (ten years ago) link
Welcome to 'boring' Belgium where even the pigeons are on cocaine
― ςὖτ ιτ Οὖτ (some dude), Sunday, 1 June 2014 11:14 (ten years ago) link
Billy Crystal swept the Audie Awards, otherwise known as the "Oscars of the audiobook industry."
― ςὖτ ιτ Οὖτ (some dude), Sunday, 1 June 2014 12:01 (ten years ago) link
Secret Service urgently seeks sarcasm-detecting software
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Wednesday, 4 June 2014 21:37 (ten years ago) link
http://s.mlkshk.com/r/ZAOP
― Dan I., Saturday, 7 June 2014 05:34 (ten years ago) link
this could go in a few threads (facebook for one) but here seems fine:http://www.newrepublic.com/article/118013/satire-news-websites-are-cashing-gullible-outraged-readers
― Look at this joke I've recognised, do you recognise it as well? (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 7 June 2014 05:52 (ten years ago) link
http://seattle.cbslocal.com/2014/06/09/doctor-accused-of-sexting-during-surgery/
― write 500 words of song (sleepingbag), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 21:25 (ten years ago) link
I give you all a fucking PRIME candidate here:
http://www.philly.com/philly/living/20140611_More_young_men_friends_embracing__and_it_s_in_no_way_gay_.html
― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 12 June 2014 01:35 (ten years ago) link
omg this sentence so good: "Pasko, it turns out, has wrapped his arms around a long-term trend: In a broad range of social settings, more men are embracing, well, embracing."
― Mordy, Thursday, 12 June 2014 01:37 (ten years ago) link
faux social science and puns: i "hold" both "dear to my heart" (hugging)
― mattresslessness, Thursday, 12 June 2014 03:27 (ten years ago) link
I don't get how that article can be read as "Onion style"? It depicts a genuine phenomenon (physical closeness becoming more popular among male friends and acquaintances) deeply rooted in social changes (the loosening of male gender norms, decrease homophobia), which is explained in the article. I don't see how it's supposed to be funny or something?
― Tuomas, Thursday, 12 June 2014 11:50 (ten years ago) link
McCormack said several types of gateway hugs are facilitating the shift.
― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Thursday, 12 June 2014 13:56 (ten years ago) link
didn't we lol at an article in the NYT or something a while back, that was essentially the same as this one
― Kiss Screaming Seagull Her Seagull Her (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 12 June 2014 13:58 (ten years ago) link
this feels like a clickhole listicle
http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/13/us/irpt-flag-day/index.html?c=us
― christmas candy bar (al leong), Saturday, 14 June 2014 15:32 (ten years ago) link
lol
― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Saturday, 14 June 2014 15:36 (ten years ago) link
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/in-the-loop/wp/2014/06/14/ambassador-donates-historic-e-reader-to-swiss-museum/?tid=recommended_strip_2
― cardamon, Sunday, 15 June 2014 19:43 (ten years ago) link
The Lack of Major Wars May Be Hurting Economic Growth (NYT)
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Sunday, 15 June 2014 19:48 (ten years ago) link
tyler cowen but curious to read that since the argument apparently isn't 'cuz keynes'
― balls, Sunday, 15 June 2014 20:24 (ten years ago) link
Match.com Will Use Facial Recognition to Find People Like Your Ex
― silverfish, Monday, 16 June 2014 20:45 (ten years ago) link
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/06/18/its-come-to-this-fox-news-brings-on-nfls-terry-bradshaw-for-benghazi-analysis/
― Incident At Spanish Harlem (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 19 June 2014 01:42 (ten years ago) link
Florida doomsday prepper plans bloody last stand until cops lure him in with burgers
― Disagree. And im not into firey solos chief. (Phil D.), Thursday, 19 June 2014 18:52 (ten years ago) link
Leading scientist ejected by audience after 'trying to crowd surf' at classical music concert
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Friday, 20 June 2014 16:13 (ten years ago) link
SAN FRANCISCO - A handsome mug shot of a Northern California man arrested on felony weapons charges has gone viral on social media, attracting more than 33,000 "likes" and drawing comments praising his high cheek bones, chiseled face and striking blue eyes.
https://ca.news.yahoo.com/mug-shot-california-suspect-gets-30-000-facebook-034346359.html
― dinnerboat, Friday, 20 June 2014 17:27 (ten years ago) link
Casual Sex Is Actually Excellent for You, If You Love Casual Sex
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Saturday, 21 June 2014 00:51 (ten years ago) link
getting pretty close to a tipping point where the onion influences media more than it mocks it
― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Saturday, 21 June 2014 00:56 (ten years ago) link
Author Jeanette Winterson eats rabbit that ate her parsley, feeds entrails to cat
― Dan I., Saturday, 21 June 2014 14:19 (ten years ago) link
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/young_man_gets_stuck_in_giant_vagina_22_firefighters_come_to_his_rescue
― Incident At Spanish Harlem (C. Grisso/McCain), Monday, 23 June 2014 17:39 (ten years ago) link
ppl are just posting 'news of the weird' links now
― balls, Thursday, April 24, 2014 10:20 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Kiss Screaming Seagull Her Seagull Her (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 24 June 2014 10:58 (ten years ago) link
I don't recommend clicking through and increasing her "readership", but:
Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Friday, 27 June 2014 02:50 (ten years ago) link
GOP Hopeful: My Public Masturbation Fetish and Felonies Were Bad Ideas
― Disagree. And im not into firey solos chief. (Phil D.), Friday, 27 June 2014 16:12 (ten years ago) link
"The three values that make up my stool of conservatism are faith, family and freedom," he says. "And I believe that many of the citizens of Saginaw share those same values."
Guy's a scat fetishist too
― 龜, Friday, 27 June 2014 16:18 (ten years ago) link
http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/benjamin-franklin-goes-to-transformers-a-thought-experiment/
― Look at this joke I've recognised, do you recognise it as well? (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 28 June 2014 15:22 (ten years ago) link
Claire L. Evans (@TheUniverse) is the Futures editor of Motherboard and one-half of the conceptual pop group YACHT.
― poop will eat itself (S-), Monday, 30 June 2014 05:35 (ten years ago) link
I really don't see that appearing as an Onion headline
― Nhex, Monday, 30 June 2014 06:59 (ten years ago) link