shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

Nothing Justin Bieber-related ever surprises me/comes off as onion-y to me anymore.

Giant John Paul II crucifix falls and instantly crushes young man to death in Italy

http://www.okcfox.com/story/25302985/teens-find-new-use-for-burts-beeswax-lip-balm

ppl are just posting 'news of the weird' links now

oh cmon if you can't get down with

Those who are into "Beezin" say it adds to experience of being drunk or high.
Others say it helps to keep them alert.
So what's exactly causes that tingling sensation in Burt's Beeswax?

uncanny how much that's like the onion

stay ballzin

Those who are into "Beezin" say it adds to experience of being drunk or high.
Others say it helps to keep them alert.
So what's exactly causes that tingling sensation in Burt's Beeswax?

reads like it has been run back and forth through babelfish a few times

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/in-the-long-run-wars-make-us-safer-and-richer/2014/04/25/a4207660-c965-11e3-a75e-463587891b57_story.html

it was more "lol but sad" but I thought it was a parody when I first read the "NACCP Reconsiders Award for Donald Sterling" headline this weekend.

Just picturing his agent going, "Oooh, Donny. This is really going to hurt your chances getting that NAACP honor..."

Is that what Beez in the Trap is about?

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2014/04/28/violent_dr_seuss_book_should_be_banned_from_library_patron_says.html

Pretty sure the patron in question is just trolling, but still:

This is the same work of fiction that former U.S. First Lady Laura Bush, an ex-librarian, said was her favourite children’s book. She told The Wall Street Journal in 2006 she even had photos of her twins, Jenna and Barbara, jumping on the belly of their father, George W., when he read to them. No assault charges were laid against the girls.

That book does get a little dark in some places:

http://astridlingering.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/photo-1-e1330918071197-224x300.jpg

http://www.macleans.ca/news/canada/community-fears-rotting-whale-carcass-is-set-to-explode/

more "news of the weird" than onion-like admittedly, but whatever, great article

Jenny Parsons, the owner of the Seaside restaurant in the town, said she fears the smell of the whale, which is about 500 metres from her business, will deter customers.

Parsons said she would like to see the whale towed to another location to finish rotting and then return its skeleton so it can be featured as a tourist attraction.

“The whale has got to go,” Parsons said. “But I think we have a limited amount of time to figure out where we could put the whale so we don’t lose the valuable part of the whale.”

for the photo
http://f.cl.ly/items/0Q0U1H3H3B1d1G0E1r1R/Capture.PNG

this thread is experiencing some mission creep.

word.

That looks like a fetish suit

Hrm yeah. Maybe not best thread for it. Those eyes though.

there's a shining carpet doormat you can buy also that i have to admit is tempting

followup to silverfish's story:

http://www.weather.com/video/whale-not-expected-to-explode-47922?

thank god

Man Tries to Marry Porn-Filled Laptop

http://www.newser.com/story/186425/man-tries-to-marry-porn-filled-laptop.html

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2014/05/baby_name_map_new_yorkers_don_t_call_their_babies_brooklyn.html

mostly for the map

http://gawker.com/accused-portland-reservoir-teen-i-didn-t-piss-in-the-1564611565

"I was like, 'Dudes I have to piss so bad,'" Swonger said. "So I just went over to the wall [of the reservoir].I leaned up against the wall and pissed on it. Right there on the wall, dude. I don't know else how to describe it."

City officials disagree. "When you see the video, he's leaning right up because he has to get his little wee wee right up to the iron bars," Portland Water Bureau administrator David Shaff told the Oregonian. "There's really no doubt what he's doing."

when city officials make public statements about the size of your penis to the local paper, it's probably time to move

I assumed it was a Portland thing, like turning a blind eye toward Nike or not being able to pump your own gas.

Pope Francis gets old school on the Devil

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/a-modern-pope-gets-old-school-on-the-devil/2014/05/10/f56a9354-1b93-4662-abbb-d877e49f15ea_story.html

http://corp.7-eleven.com/Newsroom/2014NewsReleases/7ElevenRollsOutMustacheStraws/tabid/595/Default.aspx

Boston Bomber’s Other Plan Was Opening Kazakhstan’s First Starbucks

Man Suing Stripper for $3k Because He Thought She Really Liked Him

http://blacksportsonline.com/home/2014/05/man-suing-stripper-for-3k-because-he-thought-she-really-liked-him/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-think-that-stripper-really-liked-me,10883/

Boston Bomber’s Other Plan Was Opening Kazakhstan’s First Starbucks

― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Friday, May 16, 2014 10:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is the most exemplary example of what i was looking for when i started this thread.

lol

The stripper’s stage name is Nomi

ok really though?

Brad Pitt Tosses A Beer To Matthew McConaughey Upon Realizing They Are Neighbors

we love to hate thos e fuckers

Tom DeLay: ‘Americans Forget the Constitution Was Written by God’

In case you're curious, Brad and Matt drink Hopitoulas IPA. Not great, not bad.

Time magazine is really aiming for the Onion demographic.

Drunk Fish Totally Impress Sober Fish, Study Finds

thread has really gotten back on track in a big way

Scientists accidentally create a Johnny Cash fan.

http://www.businessinsider.com/huge-social-media-manager-does-all-day-2014-5

ha, right down to the picture

Thus far, the post has yet to be retweeted, but it has generated two favorites.

Pennsylvania Girl Elbowed Boy In Testicles For Laughing After She Farted During Sex On School Bus: State Police

and that first sentence, too!

It wasn't even... a fart...

so did all of those things happen in sequence, on the school bus, or

International Business Times