Blue Saturday

Thats the wonderful thing about unemployment; I can read 7 books a week if I feel like it!

I wish I could do that. But with, you know, my salary. Is that too much to ask?

apparently yeah. i've asked. and my salary's shit.

Mine is good maybe I think, its above what I earned at t€$co and I don't think I lived a much meaner existence then

I like my job a lot but jobs are a bad deal

I've had a really good day but I will be violently sick later, I'm on my 4.5th pint. I'm moving like a sloth too, this happened before a bit after I was diagnosed, a kind of physical depression I'm not used to

It is one of the great unfairnesses of this world that no one gets paid to read (or write) books all day long.

word

I was gonna start a thread on reading while drunk: that point where there is 100% comprehension but barely any retention. What the fuck is that about

Like I could read 10 chapters now, and take it all in, and think about it, but I would have to read it again tomorrow.

truth, the prose goes crystal clear for a little while but don't bother trying to remember what you've read tomorrow

tbf i'm sure all my conversations are cogent and well-reasoned while i'm drunk too

Ive gone through education that way i think

Xp, maybe, idk

The worst thing is when you read it the next day there is this irritable "yes ive already READ this" from yr brain even though you haven't remembered it you recognise it so it feels a waste of time

ILX

wouldn't know I don't read it I just post

What should I watch or listen to when I get home. I have spotify netflix and amazon <3film

(sorry at some point I should have migrated to the Friday/Saturday chitchat threads but I feel blue so)

drunky maudlin rambles is pretty much our raison d, come on

Oh if you have Netfix please can you see if How Art Made The World by Nigel Spivey is on there?

(granted this is no help if UK Netflix is different than US, but still.)

Also it's really good and maybe I'll watch it myself tonight.

Will do

UK netflix is kinda shit, I assume it's better elsewhere

Oh god I could get on a train and join my friends at Lawrence pantha du prince &c there is a spare ticket

kinda refuse to believe mandy contributes to liver damage, its the other stuff

I am HOME. I am in my room in my house. I will get a takeaway and then sleep forever.

yesh he said yesh

seriously thinking about going out for a bit in my slobbing round the house outfit, dressing gown and all, thus killing the yearning for alcohol and human company without raising the bar of expectation

k so i just found out Hannah is on a 13-mile walk in the dark with a little troupe of scouts for company and no direct adult supervision. am gonna sit in and fret instead.

Yes that will definitely make things better.

half-joking, i just never realised how extreme today's Scouts was

I am sure we did mad things like that at scouts and came home fine and happy-exhausted except for bramble scratches.

i'm chill, she just seems v. little all of a sudden

granted Han will be probably be the one giving orders and dragging other kids etc

I mean, exactly. C'mon now.

I wish I could stop my overthinky brain from thinking myself out of feeling good with insecurities and self doubt.

Forgot the A-number-1 rule yesterday. Pop stars are not your friends. Music is your friend. Music is your boyfriend. Pop stars make music which fills up all the holes in your emotional life. But pop stars themselves, are just the Signifier and not the Signified.

Anyway. A shoot of what seems like good news...

Headhunter called me today about the first role where my ears pricked up and I said "Yes, that is what I do, and that is what I want to be doing!" and then when they told me the organisation I actually thought "YES. THAT IS THE KIND OF ORGANISATION I WANT TO WORK FOR." Please cross fingers and hold thumbs that it is what it is represented as being, and that the they are Good People and that I can get this job. Yes.

digits crossed

Tick

And this is how I get seduced back into ~life~ and ~work~ all over again, when really I just feel kinda done with it.

genuinely wishing you the best of luck m8

Good luck BB!

don't fear the reaper cpa

how come you get headhunters and I only get drunk people offering to be my "mentor"? good luck!

Thx guys.

Headhunters, ugh, I wish I could never have to deal with them. But it seems to be an unavoidable part of getting a job in this country. I've got good advice from various people about this job hunt which I'm trying to put into practice: 1) make tiny changes in your CV and re-upload it at least every week, because that makes you look more active & recent. 2) don't put your actual job title (which will often be meaningless bullshit anyway) but your desired job title in your CV when you upload it. What I didn't realise is that they make your whole CV searchable so stuff like that is important.

Oh well, we shall see how it goes.

That's just me; ILX's resident shiny metal box. Into which people peer, and attribute all sorts of motivations and descriptions, and yet only ever see themselves, reflected back grotesquely.

wd like a pill to help me concentrate, a pill to help me care, a pill to fill my skull with cavity wall insulation

wd quite like a bunch of heavy tranqs i think

might go and see Under the Skin later, on my own, feels like it might be appropriately isolationist lulz

Trying to get myself up and out of bed to go and see the Ruin Pr0n exhibit at Tate Britain and feeling quite sluggish TBH.

i feel quite stately and benign apart from unpleasant icebergs of work-related horror that keep bobbing in the way, but at least i shd finish early today and the sun is shining right now

Originally man lived in isolation. Supported by nature, every individual sought to maintain his equilibrium between sinful temptations. That filled the whole of his life; there was no involvement with others, nor was there any worry about the future. As a result hard work did not exist, nor did sorrow, hatred, fear, or lust. But man was not content; he started to exert control over his fellow men and to search for certainty about the future. And so the balance was lost: labour forced onto the oppressed became ever more distressing and the conspiracy of those in power ever more wicked. We have now reached the point where everyone has power but at the same time suffers oppression; the old instinct of separation and isolation now only lives on as pale envy and jealousy.

Where is that from? That sounds like some cranky 18th Century Philosopher who lives in a dank, crowded London house and just wants some peace so he can *write*; albeit made up shit about humans which is supported by no anthropologists or ethologists or anyone ever.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L._E._J._Brouwer

L.E.J. Brouwer. He's interesting. but there's a bunch of not so interesting probly misogynist gender essentialism in there too. i can't help being a sucker for a good anti-productivity/anti-enlightenment origin myth

a worldview that doesn't admit support from anthropologists or ethologists sounds right up my street atm

You know, I have a fair amount of sympathy for the idea that all "people who study humans or animals in their environments" bring their own bag of assumptions to the study, that inherently taints any conclusions drawn thereof. But the problem is, the opposite approach (sit in a room and try to imagine ~what you think people came from~) opens the door to evo psych and stuff which is 100% drawn from one's own assumptions and completely tainted. Observing things wrongly still seems a better option than "don't observe things at all, and pull everything out of your own ass."