Jake Gyllenhaal

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I bet he has a hairy asscrack.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:19 (twenty years ago)

Did anyone see him on Conan recently, talking about his lifeguard duty where he pissed on a jellyfish-bite victim's leg as therapy? He mimed it, firehose-style, and O'Brien nearly flew out of his chair. "There are old people watching!"

He'd still have to explain the "These characters are not, like, gay" interview, and I might hafta slap him. Repeatedly.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:21 (twenty years ago)

hahahahahahahahahahahaha Nicole.

where to start...we've already got this thread, and Heath Ledger (yuck btw...just...yuck), and I guess my Jimmy Fallon thread should count too. Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

xpost he pissed on someone's leg? What is that supposed to do?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

AND HE MIGHT LIKE IT.

(xpost)

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

I think it's the pH of the pee that counteracts the jelly's poison.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:32 (twenty years ago)

Pee supposedly takes the sting out of a jellyfish sting. I don't have first-hand experience of this. I bet you're just so stunned that someone is heroically peeing on you, you forget that you got stung.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:33 (twenty years ago)

That's just...freaky. I don't know how I'd react to being rescued from jellyfish attack only to be pissed on by Jake Gyllenhaal. I think I'd probably want an adult beverage, and I'd be highly confused.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:35 (twenty years ago)

it might make me into watersports.
i bet his pee tastes like candy

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:36 (twenty years ago)

lik'em aid

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (twenty years ago)

ok now you won, jess.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (twenty years ago)

that shirtless pic is actually from about 3 years ago.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:38 (twenty years ago)

You lie.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:37 (twenty years ago)

ally quit reviving this thread.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:39 (twenty years ago)

why don't you go post on a Mandy Moore thread.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:42 (twenty years ago)

This thread needs more gyllenhaal beefcake, but I cannot search for it while at work. :(

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:44 (twenty years ago)

it's probably wrong i want to see american dreamz, isn't it?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:46 (twenty years ago)

http://www.artistsnetwork.org/artists/maggiegyllenhaal/maggie.jpg http://www.schoolhousecenter.com/images/ware.gif

― Dan (You're Welcome) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:47 (twenty years ago)

http://www.stars2go.com/g/jake-gyllenhaal/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:48 (twenty years ago)

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.lipglaws.com/jakeG.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:49 (twenty years ago)

http://film.widarsson.se/images/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (twenty years ago)

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.planetkilmer.com/pk_home_val.jpg

― Dan (Mystery Solved) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (twenty years ago)

Dan, dude, that was totally uncalled for.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:02 (twenty years ago)

http://www.npr.org/programs/fa/features/2005/11/jar_200.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:04 (twenty years ago)

http://www.togawp.com/main/images/jake-gyllenhaal4.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:05 (twenty years ago)

I think I found the winner. NSFW & No fainting please.

http://socialitelife.com/images/santa.gif

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:16 (twenty years ago)

mpeg clip here:

http://www.socialitelife.com/video/Jarhead.mpg

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

Girl, I posted that Jarhead pic weeks ago! (along with a clip of the Santa dance)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

I guess I'm not up to date on my nude celeb pixx.

My hairy asscrack theory is disproven!

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

hahaha now, truly, best thread ever!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:24 (twenty years ago)

He must wax. He looks vain enough.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

He shaved for Jarhead. Apparently Sam Mendes never knew any hirsute 20-year-old guys (what're the odds)...

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

Ahh, James Spader, please. Except not from that detective movie w/ Keanu Reeves, which was...actually I can't remember anything about it, my grey cells have been wiped clean by the hands of time. Not so memorable, then.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:30 (twenty years ago)

There was a movie that starred Keanu Reeves and James Spader?????!! The battle of who can make less facial expressions actually occurred??? And I MISSED it??? Shit.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

(don't take that the wrong way, I like both actors!)

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

JAKE WHY U SHAEV ASS ALL TIME>??

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (twenty years ago)

He doesn't look THAT hairy in the non-shaved pictures, what are you all on about?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Not Robin Williams Hairy, but moderately so. (and I think he has more at 25 than 22...)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:44 (twenty years ago)

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

Anyone know what his ethnic heritage is? We could deduce from that.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

But not so unusually so that I would think he has an incredibly hairy ass or something like that, I mean unless he waxes his back and upper arms or something but not his front he seems like one of those "front hairy" guys. I've known quite a few of them!!

Obviously though, yes, he removed all of it for Jarhead, which is just weak.

xpost hahaha satyr

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

His mom is Naomi Foner, a screenwriter (Running on Empty) ... European Jewish b.g. I believe.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

He does have those eyebrows.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:50 (twenty years ago)

Dad is the director Stephen Gyllenhaal (Waterland). Descendant of Swedish nobles, per Wikipedia.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:52 (twenty years ago)

You know who is mad-hairy -- Andy Garcia. I remember watching "Clinton and Nadine" and thinking his was the hairiest back I've ever seen. It was like a pelt.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Ugh Andy Garcia is so gross anyway, I mean what is the deal?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:55 (twenty years ago)

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

This is the sort of descriptive prose missing in Proulx's "Brokeback Mountain."

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:56 (twenty years ago)

by the way, I'm touched that you've all exceeded my Jake lust.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:05 (twenty years ago)

you horny gaywads

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:06 (twenty years ago)

don't piss on our cornflakes just cos someone ruined ~~Malcolm in the Middle~~Lindsay Lohan for you.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:07 (twenty years ago)

xpost

guilty as charged! (flaps wrists)

― elmo, patron saint of celebrity homo lust (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:08 (twenty years ago)

JAKE IS FUCKING HOT PEOPLE OK? JUST GET OVER IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 21:12 (twenty years ago)

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I'd never seen or heard of 2018's "Wildlife," adapted from Richard Ford by Paul Dano and Zoe Kazan, and directed by Dano, but it was OK!

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 18 February 2026 03:17 (four months ago)

Still Mulligan's best work.

― The Luda of Suburbia (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 18 February 2026 10:16 (four months ago)

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Jake Gyllenhaal - C or D?